


Hidden From Sunlight

by BunnyHoodlum



Category: Naruto
Genre: Age Difference, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Developing Friendships, Drama & Romance, Eventual Romance, F/M, Family Drama, Friends to Lovers, I don't know if I want to ship Hanabi, I'm a flexible writer though, Male Friendship, Male-Female Friendship, POV Antagonist, Sister Complex, Sister-Sister Relationship, Slice of Life, Slow Burn, Team as Family, Unrequited Crush
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-12
Updated: 2019-08-22
Packaged: 2019-11-16 07:25:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 13
Words: 47,354
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18089972
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BunnyHoodlum/pseuds/BunnyHoodlum
Summary: The path of a shinobi is neither for the faint of heart nor the bleeding hearts. Glory is not the warmth of the sun, it is the warmth of your enemies' blood. This is what Hiashi's first born daughter Hanabi knows. This is what her little sister Hinata will come to reject.Or: How different could Naruto's life be when the girl that seemed 'barely around' is truly hardly around at all?[Slow burn NaruHina Age Difference AU](may shiptease HanabiShino later on)





	1. Fireworks

The snow crunched beneath her feet. Her hair felt like metal silk as it stuck to her lips and cheeks.  
  
Skeletal, snow-kissed trees stood tall like soldiers, their branches wreathed overhead in salute.  
  
There beyond the path was the Ninja Academy. There she would begin formal training in the coming weeks.  
  
Hyuuga Hanabi, five years old, came to a stop. Her gaze held over the back of a small boy, sitting on a lone rope swing. He wore a tan jacket, with dull oranges sleeves, a red scarf and a green headband. He was blonde -- the only blonde of his kind in the entire village. A smaller child could draw a big, old sun, and it would probably look just like the back of his head.  
  
He wasn't kicking, though, there on that little swing.  
  
He was just... sitting there.  
  
The silence quickly burned away, overtaken by the rising crackle of fierce footsteps.  
  
Hanabi's eyes narrowed as her stalkers gathered around her, blocking off her view of the academy.  
  
"You think you're too good for us, huh?" Said the taller boy with the black hair.  
  
"Hyuuga's are all snobs. Just like you," The middle boy in the red cap bent forward, hands on his hips and sneering. He was missing a tooth. "Man, those eyes are creepy. Are you a monster?"  
  
"Ha! A monster! You're a monster!" said the taller one.  
  
The fat boy to the right snapped noisily at his bubble gum, half parts smug and indifferent.  
  
Hanabi's gaze slid over them one by one, left to right, and right to left. Her gaze slid further left, connecting with a pair of tense blue eyes in the distance. Internally jerking at her mistake, she corrected herself and looked away, disregarding his presence and the fact that it was goggles -- not a headband -- that he wore.  
  
A ‘monster.’ ‘Creepy eyes.’ Hanabi almost wanted to smile.  
  
"Do you have something against monsters?" She cocked her head to the side, that rebellious strand of hair falling across her right eye.  
  
Their smirks dropped off their faces. The middle boy scoffed, baring his teeth. He strode up to her and grabbed her by the scarf. He lifted her till only the tips of her shoes reached the snow.  
  
"You're s'pposed to cry, tiny."  
  
"Like this?" She contorted her face in such a way that she looked like a koi fish in despair. She reset her features immediately, taking considerable pleasure in his dumb snarl.  
  
He cocked back a fist. "I'll get you to cry for real!"  
  
“Whoa, hey! That’s going too far!” cried the taller one.  
  
Hanabi spun free from her scarf, his fist meeting cold air. She staggered her feet, palms out, and she shot forward. No chakra. He flew five feet. Landed on his back. His flunkies double-taked, shocked. Still shocked. Then finally vengeance set in, their fists cocked and battle cries rising up like startled blackbirds.  
  
She dipped away from the taller one's fist, her hands shot out and gripped his wrist. She twisted and threw him to the ground. With a spin of her heel, she stabbed her tiny fist into the fatty's stomach. His gnarled wad of gum flew with a wheeze. He grasped his middle and collapsed on his side.  
  
No chakra. Only precision.  
  
Hanabi straightened from her stance, pushing her hair from her face. She stalked towards the cap boy, and snatched her scarf from his limp hand. Securing it around her neck, she looked up.  
  
That goggles boy had left the swing. He stood frozen in mid-sprint, and when it seemed the lads weren't getting back up, his shoulders dropped as did his fists.  
  
Hanabi went back to tucking the ends of her scarf inside her coat.  
  
When she was done, she looked up. But not at him.  
  
She walked a straight line towards the academy, her mind freshening like the snow, all bright and fluffy. Thoughts of her future, of becoming the woman she envisioned to be, who her clansmen and her father believed her to be -- nothing lifted her spirits higher and kept her buoying more than their utter esteem.  
  
Nothing more except perhaps...

* * *

  
  
She was a big sister now! Not just the heiress of her clan! A big sister!  
  
At first Hinata had come out silent and goopy, her skin had been blotted and almost purple like a bruise. But now she was the color of fresh milk and she definitely looked human. A little, tiny human that could fit in both of their father’s big two hands.  
  
Hanabi was curled up against her mother’s side, watching as Hinata slept. They said she’d be asleep for good, long while. It sure felt that way. She hadn’t seen Hinata awake since yesterday.  
  
“When was she last awake?”  
  
Hitsuna hummed. “I fed her two hours ago.”  
  
“I missed it!” She whisper-exclaimed, careful not to wake the newborn. Hitsuna giggled and stroked her hair. The sun’s rays through the window on her back, her mother’s silken honey humming, and her loving touch; It was nearly enough to put Hanabi to sleep, too.  
  
But she hated the dark. She hated what happened when her eyes closed. She’d see his face in her bedroom before he took her. She’d hear his muffled screams in the blanketed dark of their dojo, and remember the way his chakra pathways looked like blue fireflies blinking out of existence.  
  
Her father made her do it. It was for her own good. And he wasn’t wrong. He hasn’t been wrong yet. Because fear is a choice.  
  
Hanabi caressed the edge of Hinata’s buttery soft skin with her fingertip, her chest aching just a bit.  
  
“I won’t let anyone take you,” It’s a promise, so she whispers. “I’ll always protect you.”

* * *

  
  
Hanabi’s old enough to learn the chosen style of her people: Juuken.  
  
A perfect, white circle has been painted in the center of the dojo. She stands on the line and is instructed in the footwork.  
  
Put all your weight onto your back leg.  
  
Relax the forward leg as you extend it out.  
  
Then grab the ground with that foot.  
  
Pull yourself forward, relaxing the other leg.  
  
Now extend that one. Grab the ground. And repeat.  
  
She does this around the circle.  
  
She’s instructed to do it a hundred times more. She must become like the Dragon Cedar that sews its roots into the soil.  
  
A hundred times more.  
  
Hiashi approaches her side. He pushes her to the ground.  
  
“Get up, Hanabi.”

* * *

  
  
At home she is sparkling, brilliant, vibrant. Full of smiles.  
  
But not here.  
  
Here is just an extension of the family dojo.  
  
It seems like only one other person shares her mentality towards ninja training, and that’s fellow noble clan member Uchiha Sasuke.  
  
Maybe he’s full of smiles back home, who knows. It doesn’t seem like the twenty little girl smiles that constantly shine at him will ever be reciprocated a smile in turn.  
  
They’re trained in several drills and exercises. One in particular is a combination of a long-distance race and ‘Capture the Flag’. Someone finds the item during their route, and they must keep it to the very end.  
  
They had to change the rules a few times, seeing how she was the only one who had an activated dojutsu, and always ended up finding the item first. She was also faster than most, even for her size, and when Sasuke would try to grab it, she still outsmarted him thanks to her one advantage.  
  
Some other exercises included training in subterfuge, nurturing one’s wit, and deductive reasoning. ‘A shinobi must see the hidden meanings  within the hidden meanings.’ An implicit rule that seems to have been passed on but never officially added to the Shinobi Rules.  
  
This game was also quite fun for her cheeky, six-year old brain. (Her dojutsu was definitely banned).  
  
Everyone had to stand in a circle. One person was told to lie. Another person was told a lie. And the third person was to remain silent. Winning meant finding the person keeping guard of the item.  
  
The liar would subvert the group or individual’s belief, (the worst liars often contradicted themselves all too quickly). The mislead one would be so convinced of their ‘truth’ that others would get swayed to believe them. The silent one was often targeted after much bickering but without proving they had the item, the silent one would not confirm it.  
  
Hanabi knew better, as she would  tune out the noise and focus on her surroundings. She considered rallying the class to shut up and take her lead, but she didn’t want to undermine the lesson, nor Iruka-sensei.  
  
As usual, only she and Sasuke owned at the game. Shino would too, she believed, if only he wasn’t the automatically designated ‘silent one’.  
  
Accuracy tests with shuriken and kunai were another set of drills, so was chakra meditation. Then there were the written tests; History, Geography, Human Anatomy and Medicine, Known forms of simple Cryptography, and scenario puzzles such as ‘How would you scale this? And how would you sneak in? And how would you escape?’.  
  
Such contingency thinking only hammered itself deeper into her mind, that by the time she turned eight, Hanabi had come up with five-hundred possible destinies for her little sister, if one of them were to not pan out.

* * *

  
  
Hanabi sat on the small wooden steps that lead down to the kitchen. A delicious combination of sweetened dough, butter and cinnamon filled the space. She watched her mother work the kamado, a white ceramic cooking range fueled by charcoal.  
  
Natsu carried Hinata in her arms, bouncing the toddler gently. “What is this again?”  
  
“It’s my own take on a pastry I haven’t had since I was a little girl. The daimyo gifted us three bundles of cinnamon sticks from his personal estate as thanks, and I remembered that I had smelled this before,” Several minutes passed by when Hitsuna opened the left hatch, releasing an almighty aroma that had Hanabi’s stomach growling. “Alright, let’s see if I made this correctly.”  
  
When Hitsuna removed the tray and placed it over the stove, everyone inched forward to inspect her creation.  
  
They resembled roasted moon shells, but retained the bloated shape of fresh baked melonpan. The lining of the swirl was amber red and glittering with blackened cinnamon.  
  
“They’re cute. It smells wonderful.” Natsu said.  
  
Hitsuna, however, was her biggest critic. “These don’t look anything like how I remember. Maybe they were more like auger shells…”  
  
An awkward expression sat on Natsu’s face as she held her tongue. Hanabi knew too: Augers and Moons were two completely different shapes.  
  
“How many sticks you have left?” Hanabi asked.  
  
Hitsuna’s eyes lit up with determination. “Fifty-five. I shall attempt this eleven times more.”  
  
Hanabi glanced at Hinata. Their eyes connected and Hanabi shook her head.  
  
If their dearest, brilliant mother was not meant to be a baker, then perhaps the cards were not in Hinata’s favor either.

* * *

  
  
They’re at the age now where supervised combat training becomes the main focus of their lessons.  
  
The class is standing outside the school in long, open clearing. Everyone is standing in a line facing the sparring circle, with their sensei as the referee.  
  
An even foundation of defensive and offensive skill is emphasized, but beyond their Sensei’s coaching, they’ve pretty much just graduated to the School of Hard Knocks; fight, fight, fight until you win. Learn from your losses and do it again.  
  
Rather hands off compared to what they were doing before.  
  
But it underscored the same takeaway in those lessons: Fostering individual capability and competency.  
  
After all, why get put on team if you’re just dead weight?  
  
That’s what Hanabi thought whenever she saw the same person get hurled to the ground.  
  
That blonde boy grumbled harshly beneath his breath as he pushed himself to his feet. He usually came into class looking rather grubby, but now he wore the dust and dirt of the ground like it’d always been a part of him. A half-hearted Seal of Reconciliation, and trudged back in place amongst the students, rubbing his sore behind the whole way.  
  
Iruka announced the next spar. “Sasuke, step forth.”  
  
Like a shadow peeling itself off of a wall, Sasuke sauntered over to the line, his hands stuffed in his pockets. His fangirls squealed and cheered. They’d become more smitten with him, their admiration heightened with fervor.  
  
There was a time last year when he was absent from class. She didn’t know why  until she heard it from her father. When he had come back, he was like a shadow. Distant and enigmatic, as if being in the light was a lie he had been freed from.  
  
“Hanabi, step forth.”  
  
The cheers stuttered and fell away into confused mutterings. Oh, did they think this was unfair or something?  
  
Hanabi embraced the sunlight as she stood on the line opposite of Sasuke.  
  
She felt into stance, feet staggered, her soles rooted to the ground. She formed a semi-circle with her arms, like the ferocious jaws of a lion; ‘Come at me’ her body said loud and clear.  
  
Sasuke took his fists out of his pockets and raised them.  
  
His eyes weren’t the same.  
  
She used to be his peer. His rival, even if it was mainly by her own instigation. But now he couldn’t see her, not like before.  
  
That was fine. But if he was going to treat this fight like it was nothing, she was going to make sure he tasted dirt.  
  
“Begin!”  
  
Hanabi didn’t rush forward. She shuffled along the ground, circling him like a predator did its prey.  
  
He stood still, his head following her movements.  
  
She kicked at the dirt and dust blew up in his face.  
  
The girls squealed in despair.  
  
Hanabi launched forth, the back of her wrist aimed for his side.  
  
He grabbed her wrist and threw her. Hanabi skidded short of her line, one hand planted against the dirt, the other fisted at her side.  
  
She launched again.  
  
He swung at her.  
  
She dipped aside.  
  
He kept swinging, and she kept bending like a willow in the storm.  
  
She circled at the waist, from being bent backward, now crouching forward. His fist slipped past her head. She slid up like a snake, and thrusted her palm at his shoulder.  
  
Sasuke stumbled forward.  
  
Hanabi stared him down. She flipped her hair behind her shoulder.  
  
“Don’t tell me you don’t hit girls, Uchiha. Or maybe you don’t want me finding out…” She trailed off for suspense, taking note of the intensity burning beneath his soured features. “Your fists are soft, aren’t they?”  
  
Iruka-sensei stepped forward. “Now hold on--”  
  
“Shall I call you ‘Baby Hands’?”  
  
“Hanabi-sama!” Iruka scolded. The girls, however, who would normally boo were not.  
  
The smolder behind his eyes flared to life.  
  
Hanabi was polite to a fault. That was how she was raised. But she was also raised to perceive, exploit and lead.  
  
If The Will of Fire had been extinguished from him, she would see to it that it rage back to life.  
  
Or that he himself be extinguished.  
  
He charged at her.  
  
She blocked. She redirected. She spun away, hands up like poised claws.  
  
And he was at her again, a series of kicks and strikes.  
  
Then it happened.  
  
She read his leg sweep and jumped up, but not quick enough. Like a grasshopper, his retracted leg sprang out, his heel like a hammer to her chin.  
  
She flew back, the ground slammed against her back and her lungs seized for a second. She rolled over onto her hands and knees. Her neck ached as her head was forced back.  
  
The girls shrieked, their hands clasping down over their own growing locks.  
  
Hanabi winced against the glaring sun.  
  
Iruka was yelling.  
  
And the grip on her hair was released and she sank down. Glancing over her shoulder, she watched as Iruka dragged Sasuke away by his arm.  
  
She got him in trouble.  
  
She didn’t mean for that to happen.  
  
Well, maybe she shouldn’t look at it like that.  
  
Hanabi stood up and dusted herself off. She looked at her knees, at her elbows. Her bright red blood  was oozing through the dirt caked in her abrasions.  
  
This was fine, too.  
  
The things that hurt were the things she best remembered.  
  
Everyone be warned: Exercise caution when playing with fireworks.


	2. Maelstrom

He liked to fill the bathtub to the top. Sitting chin-deep in the warmth gave him a sensation he sorely lacked. He had seen a child his size stand in front of a woman once. He had raised his arms and the woman picked him up, gifting him with ticklish hugs.  
  
Naruto had run up to that woman and mimicked the child. But the look on her face told him he wasn’t a boy, but a mangy rat.  
  
Another reason he liked to fill the tub so high; When he pulled the plug, he liked to watch the water get sucked down the drain till it turned into a ferocious vortex.  
  
He liked to imagine he had washed his manginess clean. He liked to believe that it could be that easy.  
  
“Bye bye.”

* * *

  
  
Konoha has a few places to play for people his size.  
  
Naruto went to the nearest one from his apartment, but it was a bust. So he went to the next one, the one with the swingsets and sandbox. But the swings were never open, and the sandbox was overcrowded. The third one was like the first: full of picnics and parents. They’d never share their food, let alone their kids.  
  
So here he was now, at his fourth shot to have a good day.  
  
No parents. Thank god.  
  
There were the same amount of kids as he had fingers out on the grassy field, kicking a white ball around.  
  
Naruto walks backwards towards them, checking over his shoulder every now and then. He doesn’t want to be obvious. They might get spooked. Like pigeons.  
  
He pretends to play with a stick.  
  
But how does he play with a stick?  
  
No, how does he want to play with a stick?  
  
He pokes the ground. He makes dots. Then lines. Is he drawing? He doesn’t know. It doesn’t look like anything. That disappoints him. He begins to earnestly try to draw something.  
  
Oh wait! The kids!  
  
Naruto checks over his shoulder. They moved further away! Heart hammering in his chest, he runs a circle around them, stick in hand. He gets closer, but he’s not obvious about it.  
  
They’ve got these funny looks on their faces, though. Naruto doesn’t think about it. He’s going to draw something while waiting for them to invite him to play.  
  
A few squiggles and he thinks he’s made the same mountain range the Hokage Monument has been carved into. He glances back up and his heart drops. The kids have moved further away. Again.  
  
He realizes that he’s been too subtle.  
  
He drops the stick and approaches them.  
  
They freeze mid-play, staring at him. They glance at each other. And they begin to walk away.  
  
Naruto follows them.  
  
They look over their shoulders.  
  
Now they’re running.  
  
But why?!  
  
Naruto runs after them until one boy stops and shouts. “Stop following us!”  
  
His friends shush at him frantically, a chorus of quiet screams.  
  
“What? I had to tell him! It was already obvious we didn’t want to play with him. Hey! You think he might be stupid?” The boy runs off. They disappear over the hill.  
  
Naruto is like the stick he had abandoned. A broken off piece of detritus with no purpose. It’s not a very good instrument to draw with, he learned that much. Maybe the only thing that ever got excited to see a stick was a dog, but even then the stick had to be thrown away. Sure, dogs bring them back, but both dog and owner only want one thing from the stick: To go away.

* * *

  
  
Another summer had passed. The extra long days where he had determined to make friends had dwindled with the sunlight. Fall had its festivals, but he found the red glow of the lanterns and the esoteric joy on the villagers’ faces oddly suffocating. Nobody let him play games anyways. Didn’t matter the Hokage gave him a little extra pocket change to win a goldfish.  
  
Now the world was white. Frosty, biting and blank.  
  
Gripping the stiff rope of the swing, Naruto stared into the yard of the Ninja Academy.  
  
He’s been reading lately. At the Hokage’s office. The old man has been letting him take a shot at performing some basic jutsu. The first time he summoned a shadow clone had been the single most exciting moment of his life. To create something out of thin air, the puff of smoke causing an erratic drumroll in his chest, it set his imagination on fire.  
  
It made him believe.  
  
He could do anything!  
  
The sound of an ambush drew his attention away.  
  
"You think you're too good for us, huh?" said a lanky boy with black hair. He was taller than the other two.  
  
“Hyuuga’s are all snobs. Just like you,” The middle boy in the red cap bent forward, hands on his hips, and Naruto got a good look at who they were antagonizing. “Man, those eyes are creepy. Are you a monster?”  
  
“Ha! A monster! You’re a monster!”  
  
Naruto clenched at the rope. She didn’t seem particularly upset, as her gaze slid side to side, like she were sizing up her prey. But their words, their attitude, it burned him up inside. No one should be called a monster!  
  
“Do you have something against monsters?” She cocked her head to the side, a strand of dark hair falling across her small face.  
  
Amazing! She was talking back to them! Oh no, wait!  
  
The red cap grabbed her by the scarf, holding her up enough that she was dangling, if only barely.  
  
Naruto grit his teeth. He definitely wasn’t going to let them do whatever they wanted!  
  
“You’re s’pposed to cry, tiny.”  
  
“Like this?”  
  
Naruto released his grip. It felt like butterflies were tickling his stomach, he tried not to laugh at the ridiculous expression she was making.  
  
“I’ll get you to cry for real!” He cocked his fist back.  
  
“Whoa, hey! That’s going too far!”  
  
Naruto flew off the swing, fists ready to swing. No wait, there were too many of them. He would need back up! He would need shadow clones!  
  
He halted as he watched the red cap fly backwards and land none too gently on his back. She dodged a fist and used the taller boy’s momentum against him, sending him face-first into the snow. She spun and struck the husky gum-chewer in the gut. He clutched his middle and sank onto his side.  
  
That was way too fast.  
  
Naruto watched her take her scarf back from the red cap boy. He watched the way her long, dark hair hung off her pale skin like a silken sheet, how her tiny mouth was probably pinker than usual because of the chill.  
  
She secured the scarf around her neck, hair tucked in and bunched up around her face. She had this confidence in her stare that he’d never seen before on anyone. It twisted the emptiness tighter in his heart, as if a vortex might open up inside him, too.  
  
She was his age, clearly. She had to be. But she also… felt like an adult. It was weird and more than a little difficult to explain.  
  
And then she saw him.  
  
His chest seized. He tried to save her but he didn’t need to. Boy, that was another awful feeling to add to the seemingly bottomless list of awful feelings.  
  
She looked away and marched for the school. As if he were nothing more than scenery.  
  
Alrighty. He would add this feeling to the list as well.

* * *

  
  
Hands in his pockets, Naruto scuffed his boots along the muddy dirt road. The snow had been trampled to death, leaving barely any untouched pockets of white along the sides.  
  
His stomach’s been growling. The sun’s been down, too. He wasn’t for sure on how long, but he counted seven hunger pangs too many.  
  
Then the familiar aroma met his nose before the familiar sight did, and his stomach started to churn and twist, anticipating the moment it was filled.  
  
Naruto grinned to himself, his steps picking up. He paused, sheepishly glancing around his surroundings. There were a few people milling about, but it would probably be okay.  
  
He cupped his mouth and aimed his voice away from their eyes. And he murmured, because this was just for himself. “Naruto! Time for dinner!”  
  
“Alright, I’m starved!” He jumped into a run, straight for the Ichiraku.  
  
Because no one says this to him at home. And because restaurateurs only say one thing.  
  
He bursts on it, too short to reach the noren, and both Teuchi and Ayame greet him.  
  
“Come on in!”

* * *

  
  
What good is an alarm clock if it doesn’t work?!  
  
His whole body is on fire as Naruto sprints through the streets. He barrels through the academy entrance. “I’m here! I’m here! I’m hereI’mhereI’mhere!” He slips on the polished wooden planks and crashes past his classroom, catching the barest glimpse inside. Everyone had surprised looks on their faces.  
  
He hopes he is a good surprise.  
  
He climbs to his hands and knees and scrambles on his way in. “I’m here!”  
  
“You’re late!” Scolds his sensei, his nasal scar wrinkling in distaste.  
  
“But I’m here now!” Naruto doesn’t move. Everyone’s seated, and they’re barely looking at him. Maybe he’s a bad surprise, after all.  
  
His sensei is pinching the bridge of his nose as he sighs. “This is your only warning. Please be punctual from now on. It’s bad to waste others’ time.”  
  
His heart feels like a open book tentatively closing itself shut. He scuffs at the floor. Should he apologize? He didn’t mean to waste other’s time, but he feels like he needs an apology instead. “‘Kay.”  
  
“Go take a seat.”  
  
Naruto approaches the seats. They’re divided into two sections, with two sets of stairs, one to the left and in the center.  
  
He’s taken aback when he sees the girl from that time when he was on the swing. She’s sitting so proper, back straight and head held proud. He thinks what it’d be like to brush that strand of hair out of her face. He also thinks about her eyes, which are steely but also large, simultaneously piercing and wondrous.  
  
She still doesn’t look at him. He’s still scenery to her.  
  
His gaze pans over to the right, where a shrivelled blossom personified is sitting. She’s crouched forward, shoulders hunched up. She’s hiding beneath a mane of choppy pink hair, and he can see her frightful green eyes.  
  
Compared to the brunette beside her, he thinks ‘That’s a face I can definitely protect’.  
  
He moves on. The first two rows are filled. So is the second and the third rows. Then his gaze falls upon a familiar face, and his lips pull into a grin.  
  
That boy in the navy shirt, with the spiky black hair and abyssal black eyes, he had been sitting on a riverbank at sunset last summer. Naruto had been strolling on his own, as if he oft does, and the boy had glanced up at him.  
  
Naruto raises his hand and waves at the boy. Because they had shared a smile that evening. And that meant they were friends, right?  
  
Those black eyes flicked in his direction. Then their attention returned to whatever was occurring outside the window.  
  
Naruto’s grin dropped. So did his hand.  
  
Whispers rose up around him, sneers and smirks poorly hidden behind their hands as they side-eyed him.   
  
Naruto’s chest burned. Then his neck burned. Then his cheeks, all the up way to his ears. Searing.  
  
Okay. He took another survey around the room. All the edges were taken. The students sat a part so evenly, it didn’t look like there was a place to sit.  
  
He marched up to the very top, and sat on the landing.  
  
He glanced to his left, and they looked away. He glanced to his right, and they looked away, too.  
  
He just didn’t feel like he could ask them. Didn’t feel like he could talk to them.  
  
Iruka-sensei completed roll call. He began his first lesson with the most rudimentary of overviews covering chakra, its various elemental forms, how many chakra points exist in the body, et cetera, et cetera.  
  
The more he listened, the more he strained to understand. One fact eclipsed the one before it, and when he was asked if he understood so far, and he sure wished he hadn’t been asked that, he jolted alert and straightened his back. He stammered. “No?”  
  
The class erupted into laughter, and the insult sloshed on him like when he bumped his drink cup into his table.  
  
“Alright. Meet me during lunch and I’ll go over this with you again.”  
  
A girl with asymmetrical violet hair thrust her hand up. “Sensei, can I get special lessons, too?” The girls next her broke out into snide giggles.  
  
Iruka didn’t look impressed. “Yes, Ami. You can get extra special lessons after Naruto. Let’s focus on the lesson now, okay?”  
  
Naruto had been bouncing his leg, trying to distract himself from twisting, sinking, aching that threatened to subsume him. But when Iruka smiled at him, Naruto felt the anxiety drain away, down, down like the water in his bathtub.  
  
He was thankful. So grateful that the vortex didn’t take him down, too.


	3. Knucklehead

The way the sun filters through the windows, it feels like prison bars have been erected around the school.

And here he is, six years old and trapped in this room with twenty-nine other kids that want to take what's his.

Today, Naruto is the liar of their little subterfuge exercise.

"It's gone now." He grins, hands shoved into his pockets. Their shocked reactions only tug his smile wider.

"What, the item?"

"You know what it is?!"

"How'd you figure it out already?!"

They seemed mad at him, but that didn't faze him at all.

"Because!" Naruto points at the mean girl with violet hair. "She was the last one to speak to Iruka-sensei! The last person to speak to sensei has the item! It's always been that way!"

A chorus of boos and scoffs hummed around him.

Ami crossed her arms and glared. "Then what was it, exactly?"

"I can't say," This reignited the chorus of booing, but he pressed on. "No matter what I say, you'll lie anyways! All I know is it's gone now. 'Cuz... You hid it in your mouth!"

Amazed and aghast, their stares fell upon Ami like a shower of kunai.

"You ate it?!"

"No, I didn't!" She stamped her foot, her face darkened an ugly color. She found her cool and poised her hands on her hips. "Well, now we know what your role is. Everyone, _don't_ listen him."

A long, dramatic sigh cut through the simmering contention. Shikamaru lolled his head to the side like this game was such a pain in his ass. Even now, his gaze seemed firmly fixated outside the window. "Do we really _know_ what his role is? For the same reason we shouldn't listen to him, we shouldn't listen to you either, right?"

Naruto glared at Ami. He was enjoying this; everyone hearing him, believing him. He thought he could get them to eat out of the palm of his hand. No way he'd get to lie again any time soon. He'll have to up his game. So he shoved his hands into his pockets and rocked on the balls of his feet. "I think we can _all_ wait a couple hours for it to show up again."

The class groaned a resounding 'ewww'.

"Naruto, I'm not going to sift through the girls' toilet to confirm that." Iruka said from the sidelines, pinching the bridge of his nose.

" _So dumb."_ A girl muttered.

" _That was too gross."_

They may be barred inside this room, but his indignation had no restraint. "Hey, you're not part of this game, Sensei!"

Iruka smirked, leaning his cheek against the flat of his knuckles.. "You don't know that."

A couple girls grabbed their heads as the unsurety mounted heavily onto their brains. The unending flow of questions was like gunk drying in the gears.

They'd been given no hints, clues, not even a riddle as to what the item could be. All they need to find was the guilty party. What was the right question to ask? How would they dwindle down the number of suspects? It could be anybody!

Naruto rocked on the balls of his feet, grinning in triumph. He felt like he was climbing through the sky. Their frustration, their confusion… They'll never figure him out!

"You have it."

Naruto crashed back down to earth to stare in disbelief at the tiny brunette pointing her finger at him.

He pointed at his own face, and she nodded.

_She's talking to me._

"It's in your left pocket. Everytime you lie, you pocket your hands because you're trying to reassure yourself that it's still in your possession."

His hand fell at his side. How many words was that? No, that was like, what… Two, three full sentences? Naruto's heart hammered in his chest as he rolled the river stone around in his left hand. _Oh yeah… Oh shoot!_ Naruto faced Iruka, silently pleading 'Is this it? Did I lose?'.

Iruka smiled a little sadly at him and nodded. "You have to come clean."

He clutched it in his fist, eyes glued to the ground.

Pulling it out, he uncurled his fist.

Then he clenched the stone and twisted towards the windows.

"Like I saaaaid: It's gone now!" He hurled it, breaking glass. He flinched at what he'd done.

Iruka shot up, red faced. "NARUTO! Go stand in the hall!"

* * *

 

Naruto rocked on the balls of his feet, pouting at the ground with his hands in his pockets.

Body language. It was a concept he was beginning to wrap his head around. Of course he always reacted to it himself. From a slit-eyed glare, to him trying to speak to someone who only granted him their profile before turning their back. But those were considered 'overt', weren't they?

Naruto pulled his hands from his pockets and laced his fingers behind his head.

If only he had a mirror. Maybe he could figure out the differences in how he held himself. What sort of messages has he been sending up until now?

And what sort of messages would he rather be sending from here on out?

Naruto started at the sound of the classroom door sliding open in its rails. It wasn't Iruka-sensei at all. It was Hyuuga Hanabi.

Naruto's fingers unhooked and his hands floated uselessly. When her eyes slid in his direction, he flailed before crossing his arms over his puffed out chest. "H,Hey, that was cool, right? I didn't surrender even though I got caught, haha!" He eyed her shiny dark hair, her composed gaze that bore right through him.

She turned away and his chest deflated.

"Sure, I guess. I don't surrender, either."

She walked away, and he didn't ask where she was going.

Once she was out of sight and he was alone in the hall, his grin shined at full strength.

He pumped his arm. "Yes!" She spoke to him again!

* * *

 

Naruto was ordered to stay after school.

He sat on his hands, leg bouncing with unspent energy and a lot of impatience.

The sliding door opened, and Iruka arrived carrying a large sheet of glass and a bundle of spindly wooden rods.

"You fix what you break, Naruto." He said.

Naruto lolled his head back, nearly rolling his eyes. "Got iiiit."

Naruto stood poised with one end of the glass in one hand when he noticed his sensei had taken a seat. "Aren't you gonna help me?!"

Iruka shook his head, smiling. "Nah. I believe in you."

Naruto blinked at him, processing that sequence of words so unknown to him. He broke out into a grin, completely forgetting this was his punishment. "Alright! Leave it to me!"

Naruto formed the seal with his hands. "Kage bunshin no jutsu!"

In a poof white smoke, three tiny replicates of Naruto appeared, standing no taller than his ankle.

"Is that going to work?" Iruka said, eyeing the imperfect jutsu.

"Sure thing!" Naruto lifted the glass. "Hup!" But as soon as his clones formed a line to catch the other, they struggled. The glass wobbled. Naruto righted himself too far back, causing the glass to pull him forward. The corner poked a clone out of existence and the two remaining clones gasped.

One jutted a finger in his direction. "Hey, what's the big idea?!" He sound like mouse. If mice could talk, of course.

"It was an accident! Hold on, I'll make more!"

The smoke dissipated and out of it were six more clones, half the size of the first three. They began speaking over each other. They were unintelligible, screaming like squeaky seesaws and Naruto nudged the corner of the glass to pop them away.

His ears were ringing.

He looked at Iruka and he had the same bewildered expression.

That was dreadful.

Naruto glared at the glass five times his height, as if it were a sacred though painful task, one of many that would pave the road to his greatness.

Iruka believed in him.

He shouldn't rely on tricks.

Naruto bent into a crouch and forced the glass off the ground, sweat dotting his temple. And his hands.

He righted himself. Steadied. And wobbled.

Iruka shot up from his seat.

"Wait, I got it!"

In an a sudden effort to get the glass into the pane, Naruto overcompensated too far to the opposite side and it shattered.

Iruka palmed his face. "I'll go get another."

* * *

 

The sky had turned drunken shades of red and gold by the time Naruto made it home.

Laying in bed, he gazed at his ceiling. Some days his ceiling got watery and blurry when his chest was hurting and his head felt simultaneously stormy and vacant. But tonight wasn't like those other nights.

Somehow he came to realize that doing a bad thing made Sensei spend more time with him. In fact, he did the same bad thing twice making their time together longer than it would have been had he gotten right the first time.

His chest wasn't hurting, even despite the aggravation he had given his Sensei. No, his chest was warm and filling up by the second. Like the bathwater in his tub, but better.

Tomorrow, he would be even more annoying.

* * *

 

He's seven and a half now, and he doesn't know if this is what he wants.

Thoughts of cultivating a positive image, ambitions to sculpt others' perception had long since been forgotten once buried beneath a certain desire - a desire he easily chose to chase day after day because of the immediate gratification it provided.

What he wants beyond simple attention he doesn't know, but somehow he's obtained the reputation of a good-for-nothing troublemaker.

And he's just fine with that. Because it's better than being nothing at all.

He teases the girls. He picks fights with the boys. And he aggravates his Sensei.

The girls scream his name. The boys challenge him back. And Iruka-sensei spends time with him after school.

It's great!

At least, he thought it was great.

Until reality woke up him in the form of chalk striking his sleepy head.

It hurt like a hurled stone.

"Naruto, this is not the place to rest your head. Please show proper respect for others' time."

Rubbing his head, Naruto picked up on the sneers and giggles humming around him.

'Slacker', they said. 'Doof' was another. And following the way Sasuke's lips moved, who stood beside Iruka-sensei alongside Hanabi, 'Useless' just recently obtained unanimous appeal amongst their classmates.

The nickname 'Useless', not him. He wasn't useless.

Sasuke never said such things before his weeks long absence from class. No, he kept to himself before, but now he seemed like he carried a ten meter thick wall with him wherever he went, launching words like arrows whenever he felt like it.

Resigning his cheek to rest in his palm, Naruto forced himself to pay attention.

Seeing those two side by side was nothing new. He didn't see why he needed to tune in now.

Maybe if they showered more praise his way, he'd grow big and strong, too. That's a thing, right?

"Hanabi-sama, please explain how you made the right call in today's exercise."

"Thank you, Sensei." Hanabi bowed with the brief tilt of her head before stepping forward.

She was still the smallest girl in class, but everyone knew - _he_ knew - that wasn't a problem for her at all. He was still the smallest boy in class... And he was the still the smallest boy in class.

The tension leaked from Naruto's body as she spoke. _Guess Sensei woke me up at the right time._ Though she had a taciturn way about her, her voice was just… cute. It was as if all that sternness just amplified her underlying sweetness.

He had no clue what she was talking about.

"Naruto." Iruka called.

"Mhh?" That got a laugh out of half of the room and Naruto lit up with a smirk. Chest fluttering at their approval, he knew he had to keep this going. More laughs. More attention.

"Naruto, you weren't paying attention again."

"Mzz mhh muh." His skin tingled when they laughed louder, his head soaring into the glow of the sun when Iruka palmed his face. He always got muscle spasms when he was exceptionally annoyed. Naruto was waiting. Waiting for the next part in their routine.

Except it never came. Iruka disregarded him and resumed the lecture, with nary another disruption from the class.

* * *

 

The class had long emptied, yet Naruto stayed behind.

Normally he was told to. That was part of their routine. He supposed he was waiting on Iruka to say his part. He could have forgotten.

Iruka had his focus glued to the folded cards on the podium, scribbling in one, closing it, then moving onto the next.

"Naruto," That startled him. "Come here."

Naruto rose up and descended down the stairs to stand before his Sensei.

"Here." Iruka handed him the card.

He's seen this once before. Opening it up, Naruto's heart sank with every line.

**Taijutsu: 30th out 30 students. Overall: 90th out of 90 students.**

**Ninjutsu: 30th out of 30. Overall: 90th out of 90.**

**Individual: 30th out of 30. Overall: 90th out of 90.**

**Team: 9th out of 9 teams. Overall: 27th out of 27.**

**War Tactics: 30th out of 30. Overall: 90th out of 90.**

"Doesn't feel good, does it?"

Naruto didn't say anything.

"I really think you can do better," Iruka paused, waiting. His normally exuberant brat of a pupil had been rendered mute. "You're not applying yourself. Why?"

Naruto wouldn't look at him. He offered the tiniest shrug, but Iruka didn't take that for an answer.

Naruto straightened up just a little, lifting his head to gaze out the window. The Hokage Monument was amazing even now, the sleepy sun drenching it in orange and long shadows.

"They say Hanabi and Sasuke are rivals."

Iruka observed his student for a beat, wondering where this was going. "Suppose that's accurate. They're both top of the class."

"Last year, I heard a kid say he peeked at Sasuke's report card, then he peeked at Hanabi's. Their cards were a mix of firsts and seconds."

Iruka crossed his arms over his chest. "Yeah, that's rivalry for you."

Naruto gazed at his report card, as if it had just revealed his entire future, as if it had just told him it would be short and it would be boring, and it would be so empty.

Even if he got better, there was no one to show.

Iruka wasn't sure what was his student's hang up, but from one orphan to another, he could take a few guesses.

So he walked over to one of the windows, the same one they had fixed together the year before, and he eyed the monument. There was still plenty of space on that golden rockface. He pushed the window pane outwards.

"Naruto, come over here," When he did, Iruka pointed at the windowsill. "Sit right there."

The blond child looked so confused but did as his Sensei instructed.

Iruka scooted back. Again. Once more.

He raised his arms and made a frame out of his hands, zooming in and out as if he were adjusting the focus.

"Man, really wish I had a camera so you could see."

"See what?"

"The possibilities." Iruka gestured beyond school grounds.

Naruto twisted around to look, then he looked at his Sensei, then back at the Hokage Monument.

He stared particularly at the Yondaime's likeness. He stared and stared. The more he stared, the more he seemed to drown. And yet, it wasn't heavy, and it wasn't suffocating. This feeling spilled from his heart, filled him with golden light and it carried him up.

"The village is my family, Naruto. It's yours, too."

The sun dipped below the horizon, and the monument ducked away into darkness, and so did the golden feeling lifting him up.

Naruto picked at his bare legs. He wouldn't turn around, for fear his Sensei would catch the look on his face. But he nodded anyways.

Because he and the village weren't family. They weren't even friends.

At least, not yet.


	4. Screwed

They say today is an auspicious day.

Neji follows close beside his father, leading a select group of men from their branch.

When they converge upon another party, it’s almost as if his father is facing a mirror. But that is not his reflection.

Identical twins; Hiashi had been positioned to come out first. Auspicious, indeed.

“That’s your cousin, Neji.” Hizashi said, and Neji caught sight of a tiny girl with dark hair parted down the center. One hand clutched at her father’s yukata. When their eyes met, she ducked her chin and smiled.

And Neji smiled too. “She’s cute.”

* * *

 

They’re gathered in the Main House dining room, seated upon elaborately decorated seiza cushions around a long, glossy table.

Neji soaks in his surroundings. With his unique sight, the walls, the paper, the plaster have faded away revealing the intricate assembly of wooden joinery. No metal fasteners, no adhesives. It was like a cage, one that could not be crushed, burnt or aged. Even the table was an expression of reverence towards nature; a half-mile long cross-section of an ancient Elm, lacquered in tung oil.

Neji deactivates his ability. Some of the members of the Main House were giving him looks. He provided a formal apology, picking up his chopsticks as he slid back into his manners. He eats a piece of braised beef, but his face pinches. He chews and chews until finally swallowing.

Neji glances towards his father, and one of the elders of the Main House is staring at him with narrowed eyes.

“What’s wrong?” Hizashi speaks low beside him.

Neji watches the elder from his periphery, wondering ‘Does he know? Does he know that I can’t eat this?’. Even without their unique sight, their sight is still unique. The Byakugan, which demands the world reveals itself in its entirety, may very well be a thousand percent of their normal awareness. But even without it, nothing got past a Hyuuga.

“It’s spicy.” He whispered.

Hiashi observes his son’s bowl, then his own. There are no cuts of pepper nor sprinkles of their pale seeds. It’s a simple, if not rich, meal of _gyudon_. Hizashi himself did not experience any heat nor burn, but he believed his son.

“You don’t have to eat it,” Hizashi connects eyes with Natsu, a Branch member from another house. He motions for her and she approaches. “Hey, is there another _less_ spicy dish for him?”

She cocks her head to the side, as if her raised eyebrow wasn’t enough. “Less spicy?” Natsu peered at Neji. Clasping her hands over her apron, she bent over to address him. “Hello, Neji-kun. I’m Natsu. Is there anything in particular you like to eat?”

Neji perked up, mouth parting open. They would really do that for him? Anything he wanted? Was it too much to ask? He didn’t want to be rude. But if he could choose, he would want--!

“Natsu!” barked an elder from the Main House. She straightened up immediately. “Return to Hanabi-sama. I believe she is requesting seconds.”

“Yes. My deepest apologies.” She bowed so deep, she nearly folded in half. She hurried back to her post, and for a second Neji recalled the image of a sheepdog.

She was a Branch, just like him. And he was slow to accept that what just played out before him might be a warning of what was yet to come.

Soon the cake was served. The candles lit, and snuffed out so quick.

The merriment soared as everyone wished Hanabi a happy third birthday.

Neji smiled and clapped along as the song died down. Turning towards his father, Neji faltered. He leaned forward, observing the detached vacancy that had taken ahold of the man.

But before he could ask, the weight of a new presence settled behind him, and Neji turned, finding his uncle. He was stoic, rigid. Like marble. If Neji could compare, he would say his father was more like clay. Where one requires tools to become something, the other takes hands and dedicated attention.

Pottery would infinitely be warmer, more personal than stone-cutting to Neji.

“Neji, follow me.”

Neji got to his feet, sparing his father a flash of a glance before dutifully falling behind his uncle.

Maybe he’d get to see more of the Main House’s quarters. He had the smallest awareness that there was stuff here that the other houses didn’t have, and ‘honored’ was the feeling thumping the loudest in his chest.

They walked outside in the darkness, illuminated only by the amber glow of the lanterns.

Crickets.

Normally soothing, now suffused the still air with a toneless droning.

Neji watched the back of his uncle’s heels, firmly marching on. Then he stared at the back of his uncle’s head. It looked exactly like his father’s, and yet it also didn’t.

Air.

People carry a certain ‘air’ around them. Maybe a person is born with their own ‘air’. Maybe that’s just another way to describe one’s chakra signature.

In any case, the air around Hiashi was frigid. Because it was late spring, and even the evening breeze soothed his goosebumps.

They stopped along the engawa, before a set of fusuma portraying delicately ink-painted mountains.

Most of the exterior that they had passed so far had been shoji. This had far more privacy than 1the rest of the building.

Hiashi slipped inside. The room was dim, lit only by a single candle. There beside the candle was a glimmering inkstone.

They said today was an auspicious day.

Good tidings awaited the Hyuuga.

Neji’s fingers had grown cold.

Hiashi called his name and Neji followed.

Hiashi shut the fusuma behind them.

Neji shuddered, as if he had stepped into the heart of winter itself.

They sat down at the table.

Neji stared at the inkstone. It meant something. This meant something. Didn’t it?

“What’s going on?”

Hiashi pushed the inkstone closer to himself. He then picked up a square, black stick and dipped it into the well.

He began to scrape along the stone. And Neji watched him, like a prisoner mistrustful of his warden.

“Uncle?”

Finally, Hiashi spoke, though he did not look up from his work. “Neji, you love this village?”

“Yes.”

“You love this family?”

Was that even a question? “Yes.”

“So do you understand the measures a shinobi must make to protect everything?”

Neji, with his four year old mind, has the widest yet vaguest certainty the answer was something like ‘every measure to protect everything’. But he just said, “Yes.”

“And what’s everything to this family?”

The question hung in the air. It felt as though time had been paused, as if the right answer would resume it.

Neji didn’t answer quick enough.

“Our eyes.”

Oh yes, of course.

Wait.

A fine layer of ink had gathered along the stone’s surface, but his uncle still had a ways to go.

And with each scrape, reality clicked more and more into place. Like a Nakashima joint giving its all to keep that fancy dining table from splitting down the middle.

He was scraping away at his seconds.

Scraping away at his freedom.

Scraping away at his potential.

Neji’s stomach clenched. Maybe it was alright it was already empty. He wasn’t sure.

Images from another time burned for his attention.

His father screaming, clutching his head. The veins in his face squirming and boiling like parasites burrowing into his eyes.

This wasn’t right.

He was good.

He was so good.

Why?

He knew this was coming. He didn’t know when, and he never wanted to think about it.

Because he was born wrong. That’s why.

The wrong father. The wrong house.

Fate had misfired, putting this talent into his body.

Neji clutched at his middle.

“You’re wasting me.”

Hiashi stopped scraping.

Neji dared to glare at his clan leader, but the image was watery and warped. “That’s what my father said. He said that to you before.”

Hiashi didn’t speak, didn’t reply.

He set the ink stick down.

Rising up, he dipped his forefinger into the well and rounded the table.

Neji locked up. He kept his head down. A hole was opening up inside of him, threatening to pull him in. Gone forever in a flash.

But that’s what would be happening to him, anyways.

Today, on this auspicious day.

“Neji. Face me.”

He shook his head, lungs empty and refusing to take breath.

“I don’t want it. Please. I don’t want it. You’re wasting me--” A hard grip on his shoulder wrenched him aside.

Neji squirmed away, but got nowhere.

“Stay. Still.”

Heart hammering so hard he swore it could shatter the world, Neji fought. “I don’t want it!”

“Neji!” Hiashi tugged and wrestled, until finally, he adjusted his grip around the base of the boy’s skull.

“Stop! Stop! I don’t want it! I don’t want it!”

He could thrash.

He could pull away.

But his head was locked in place.

Cold ink touched his forehead. Neji shut his eyes. Hiashi released him and he opened his eyes. His uncle’s hands moved fast through the sequence. Neji glared, palming the fresh ink.

Hiashi’s face contorted, reddened. His hand shot out, nearly crushing Neji’s disobedient hand. His cheeks puffed out, withholding his scream. But he still glared, glared up into his uncle’s face.

His father never made a face like that.

“Sit on your hands, Neji. Never do that again,” Hiashi released him. He stood waiting for Neji to obey him. Slowly, Neji seated his hands beneath him. Hiashi rounded the table once more for ink. “This is for the good of the family. Don’t be so selfish.”

Neji stared into the candle’s golden flame, so perfect, so small, so still.

So unlike the fire rising inside of him.

The moment Hiashi reached for him, Neji hopped backwards and shoved the chair at his uncle’s shins.

He dashed for the fusuma. Throwing the door aside. He flew, breathless and dizzy.

He blamed them all.

For making him do these awful things he wouldn’t normally do.

This wasn’t him.

But he neither was the Neji they wanted him to be.

Activating his ability, he choked on his shriek. His uncle was gaining on him. Neji searched his surroundings. And he saw something strange.

An arm like steel clamped around his middle and Neji screamed.

“Wait! Wait! Uncle!” He saw something. No. He saw someone. Someone was flattened against the roof of the western Main House quarters.

But Hiashi wouldn’t listen to him.

Neji sank into the silence as the figure in the distance seemingly stared back at him.

Was he such a prodigy that he could see something his own clan leader couldn’t?

He almost wanted to laugh.

Neji kept his mouth shut. He sat on his hands like an obedient Branch member and let it happen to him.

Because whatever happened from here on out was their fault.

He didn’t care anymore.

Whatever that intruder was here to do, he hoped they did their worst.

* * *

 

He followed his clan leader back to the main dining room.

Cheers, jokes, conversation, all these things enveloped Neji in a bright glow.

And yet that glow did not sink in. It was neither warm nor cool, as if it were an illusion of another time or another reality, and he had been removed from it.

Neji looked to his father. A watery smile shined back at him.

They were matching now.

Maybe he should tell his father about the person he saw.

Neji felt something welling up inside, choking his throat, and he had to look away.

Turning towards the birthday girl, that well dried up like a single bead of sweat in the desert.

She was an orb of sunlight, giggling with a rosy glow, basking in the love of her parents and the respect of her elders.

Good for her.

He truly hoped she was having a happy birthday.

* * *

 

Why was this happening?

Why was this happening?

The room in which they held Hizashi’s wake was cramped with mourners. Their stifled sobs emanating from contorted faces suffocated his senses. The sea of black kimonos and gi sucked the light out of him.

He nearly got her. He nearly got Hanabi.

So why? Why did his father die?

That Kumo shinobigashira was an arrogant fool.

Why did his father have to die?

The least that moron could have done was kill her in her sleep, not run off with her.

Why did his father have to pay for this?!

Why?!

WHY?!

_This is what happens to Branch members. They get broken off._

A gentle hand fell upon his shoulder, and he jerked away.

Midnight purple hair. White skin. The saddest face he’d ever seen, directed towards him. His aunt’s normally refined features were tangled in grief. Perfectly mirroring what he couldn’t express.

She stooped down, arms circling around his small frame. She held him close. Whispered to him. What was she doing? Was she really trying to comfort him? Why would she bother?

He sank into her warmth, hot tears finally spilling over to soak into her shoulder. Staring past those collectively bowed heads, out beyond the threshold stood his clan leader, and Neji clutched at his aunt lest the hole inside him pull him under.

It was hard to look at that face. To see his father in that face, but to know he’d never see love and pride for him again. And beside him stood Hanabi, and she too didn’t look an ounce as sorry as her own damn mother.

* * *

 

He’s following her.

Neji’s come to find, in the absence of her attendant Kou, that it is his duty to bodyguard the future.

And Hanabi is their future.

May the Hyuuga grow ever towards the Sun.

The larger buildings have thinned out, but the weeds and the undergrowth have absorbed the skeletal remains of an abandoned neighborhood on the outskirts of the village.

He’s seven now. He supposes he’s supposed to feel some sense of pride or heroism right now, as he keeps a close eye and a closer distance on his tiny, headstrong cousin. But he knows he’s bigger. He knows he’s stronger.

Couldn’t he just squash her?

Couldn’t he just finish what Kumo had started?

It’s a rusted shell of a home that they arrive to. The pitched roof is gone, the metal sheeting that made up its only walls have fallen away, and all that remains is a swampy bathtub amidst the sagging beams that held it all together.

“What a mess.” Hanabi says as she ducks under a slanted beam. She kicks aside the nearest object at her feet: a rust-fuzzed screw.

Neji pulls his eyes up from the ground. “What are we doing here?” It stank of standing water and loam.

“Some dumb kid broke his leg coming here at night. Guess there’s a rumor going around about a secret treasure left behind by the tenants.” Hanabi trailed off, muttering and griping to herself.

“And?”

“Well, obviously we’re going to put an end to this dangerous rumor.” Lifting her hand seal to her face, the veins surrounding Hanabi’s eyes bulged down to the edge of her jaw.

She marched on.

Neji followed her deeper in. She turned her head this way and that, scouring through the remains, so far coming up empty.

Far as he knew, anyhow. He didn’t want to help. Not anymore than he already was.

“Find anything, O fearless leader?”

“Nope. But how about you check the tub over there?”

Neji stares at her extended arm in disbelief. Sure, maybe he should poke around a stagnant tub pond. He wanders over, stepping through ropey vines and debris. “Where do you think he broke his leg?” He steps up to the tub, stomach curling at the smell coming off the surface before turning to see her reaction.

Her eyes are narrowed at his question.

He shrugs with a lopsided smile. “Best to avoid the same fate.”

Hanabi turns away and resumes her search. “Sure. Dunno.”

Neji faces the tub again, he stills. Ripples are emanating around something dark and leathery. Neji takes a step back, and he finds himself staring down a turtle the size of a dog. It blinks slow, its nostrils releasing a mighty exhale. It then sinks back beneath the surface.

What was he supposed to do?

What should he do?

Was it actually alright in there?

It was probably alright in there, right?

Neji heel-turned. “This is beneath me.”

The sound of skidding cut short as a shriek pierced the air. Chakra flooded his veins. Hanabi had gotten herself pinned beneath a crooked beam.

The sounds of her struggling wafted past his ears.

He moseyed over.

He stood nearby, taking it all in; her thigh was bleeding beneath the aged steel, red skirt and black leggings torn open. Her sleeves were soaked brown from the wet soil, her hair plastered to her face.

This was a good look for her.

“Neji!” The second her eyes met his, she shut up. Something more than just his shadow eclipsed her face. He could stare into that look forever. It validated him. Validated the worth he knew he had.

In his mind, he took a step forward, one foot on the beam.

In his mind, he pressed down hard.

But in reality, he did nothing.

The sounds of her struggling were not because he was making her suffer. She was dragging herself out with nothing but elbows and grit.

Still somewhat satisfying.

She emerged from the mud, damp, dirty and small.

They never did find the treasure, he supposes a fake one will do.

When they start to walk home, he’s leading the way this time.

That’s smart. She’s smart.

Who knows what he might do behind her back.

* * *

 

When they return, Hitsuna’s sitting on the engawa, rocking a swaddled Hinata in her arms.

When she sees them, it’s like lightning has struck her.

Luckily Natsu was beside her, enjoying some tea, because Hitsuna carefully passed Hinata over to her.

Gripping her yukata, Hitsuna rushed over, color draining from her already moon-white skin.

She crouches down, touching Hanabi’s dirty face, giving her child a panicked once-over.

Hanabi’s grinning. Not openly, not even obviously. He can just tell by the tension in her cheeks.

Her grin falls away when Hitsuna rushes over to him. He tells her he’s fine.

He can’t smile. He can’t blush. But he knows these things are nearby, just threatening to rise up, to melt his exterior away.

He doesn’t understand what it is she makes him feel.

He doesn’t appreciate the way she forces it out of him.

He won’t feel anything. Never again.

But now Kou is here, and she’s requesting he escort their heiress towards the ofuro. Hanabi is complaining, because Hitsuna is escorting him back to his side of the compound, and they both know she won’t see her mother again until dinner.

* * *

 

Neji never knew his mother.

And lately he was starting to forget his father.

Lying alone in the futon they used to share, Neji is aware that the futon, which used to feel too big by himself, is starting to feel just right.

And that was wrong.

He shuts his eyes. He doesn’t want to eclipse the space they used to share. He doesn’t want new memories to eclipse the old ones, the good ones.

But then there was her. His aunt. Trying to give him good memories.

Coming over with her failed baking experiments, asking for his opinion. Didn’t matter he kept telling her he hated sweets. She asked if he hated their time together. He stopped complaining after that.

Her pastries tasted fine, far as he could discern. He wasn’t sure what about them were ‘failures’. Maybe she was just a perfectionist.

He could admire that.

Other times they had tea together.

She asked if he wanted to hold Hinata.

He didn’t.

He wanted nothing to do with them.

But Hinata looked just like her. Just like his aunt. And she had been warm in his cold, cold arms. And he hated everything even more.

She was just bribing him.

It was obvious.

Spoil him with love to reaffirm his loyalty to them.

Did she really love him, though?

He never knew his mother.

* * *

 

Neji’s nine years old.

It’s two in the afternoon. It’s their special time right now, when they have tea, talk and snacks together. The three of them. No one else.

But he knows today will be different. It’ll be a lot different.

He sits on the engawa, staring a mile into nothing, because it’s all he can do not to feel.

It’s like millions of tiny, black hands swarming inside of him, picking away at the pieces she had worked so hard to rebuild. He can’t fight them.

A pattering of little feet scatters the silence.

Neji finds three year old Hinata hurrying towards him, holding two shiny apples in the front length of her yukata. It’s a distinctly Hanabi habit she’s picked up, and he promises to correct it immediately, because even though she is just three, he can see her panties.

She plops down beside him. There’s absolutely no space between them. Hinata begins shining an apple with her yukata before holding it out to him with both hands. The fruit is the same size as her face.

He accepts it.

She shines her own before taking a bite. She only has four teeth. The surface looks like it was scratched with a fingernail. She begins gnawing on it. She’s so determined it’s cute.

Normally, in this moment, auntie would cut it up for her.

Neji takes the apple from his cousin and with kunai in hand, he severs thin slices out of it.

“Nii-tan, thank you!” She lays her head against his arm, enjoying the apples that are redder than her own cheeks.

He doesn’t understand how she can be this happy.

Maybe she doesn’t understand it, yet.

Neji stares into the apple’s red skin. His stomach is empty, but he’s not hungry.

But she would want him to eat.

So he takes a bite out of it. And it tastes salty.

His chest is heavy, sinking inwards like a curling wave, the kind that weighs a ton, the kind that erodes coasts and foundations of earth.

He feels like he’s just lost both of his parents.


	5. A Sunny Place

Sunlight steeped the bedroom in a wilted shade of yellow, the paper screen of the shoji tempering the morning glare. Amidst groggy recall of leftover heartache, two little girls awaken to the cold embrace of another day.

"... mommy?"

Hinata opens her eyes upon the sound of her elder sister's cracked voice. The top of her dark brown head greets her, then Hanabi cranes up to confirm the identity of the one who cradled her through the night.

Hanabi's eyes widen, cheeks staining ruddy. She jerks away, shooting up to her knees.

Hinata rose up, rubbing the sleep from her eyes. "Hanabi-neesama?"

Hanabi clutches her knees, tucking her chin in, her long brown hair draped to conceal her face.

"Get out of my room."

Her icy words froze Hinata in place. Her elder sister right now did not resemble the elder sister from last night. The elder sister who had kept everything inside until she had shut herself inside her room. Who had broke down the moment Hinata circled her small arms around her elder sister's head.

In that moment, they had never been closer.

And now, it seemed as though that might have meant nothing.

Hinata stood up. She began to wobble over to her sister, arms outstretched to give love and receive love in turn.

Hanabi lurched away, scrambling to stand, she balled her fists at her sides. "Stop," Undeterred, Hinata approached her. She leaned fully against her sister, in hopes the warmth they'd create would make everything better. "I said knock it off!" Hanabi's forearm pushing against her forehead caused her neck to strain and ache.

Hinata's eyes began to burn. She clutched her sister tighter, whining in protest, wanting to rid her impending tears in her sister's yukata.

"GET! OFF!" Hanabi lifted her leg to dislodge Hinata's grip. She threw all her weight into a mighty shove.

The room was wrenched beneath the toddler's feet. The floor quickly met her, colliding into her back.

The pressure aching in her chest bubbled up to her eyes. Her face felt too warm, too tight, and she sniffled.

The moment her wails seeped out, Hanabi slapped her hands over her ears and turned her back on her little sister. Hanabi began to chant over her voice. When she could not drown it out, she began to cry too.

* * *

 

Sunlight glimmers in the Main House garden, white gold light swaying across the leaves. The flowers, in all their colors, entrance her with their vibrancy. Hinata is four years old, and loves tracing her fingertips across every bit of color and texture that life has to offer.

Ants dutifully march in lines across the soil. The _sozu_ bamboo arm filling with water breaks the silence with a sudden crack against the rock, then pours back into the fountain to start again. Voices murmur in the background as her father, grandfather and caretaker Natsu watch over her from the engawa.

Glancing over her shoulder, the men look like statues stuck beneath storm clouds. She isn't sure what they're talking about, but it was probably serious. Then again, they always looked rather serious.

A streak of vivid blue floated in her periphery before wafting past her. Hinata spun around to follow it, her eyes and imagination widening upon its beauty; it was a blue butterfly, as deep, pure and shimmery as a jewel.

She didn't want it to go!

Hinata hopped when it crossed a great distance, and crept when it hovered on a lulling breeze. She followed it through shadows beneath the maples, dipping down to crouch when it landed on a flower, then springing back up when it was on the move again.

Laughter rose out of her in a constant stream, then her breath began to puff. At first they were like gasps, deep and slow, but soon dwindled into short rasps.

The blue butterfly flapped higher with all its might before a draft carried it over the garden walls, never to be seen again.

The world dimmed to shadows at that moment.

When she awoke, she was in her bed, flanked by her father and her late mother's doctor.

The doctor chalked her passing out up to heat stroke.

Nothing to worry about.

* * *

 

Some days are tough. Some days are all sticky-cheeks and heaviness, of abrupt disruption, disagreements and the apologies that never came. Friction, she learned, occurs between two tectonic plates. Eventually the fissure will widen and these bodies of land with separate. Earthquakes occur at locations such as these, they rattle and radiate so that everyone can feel the same discomfort they feel.

Days like those, Hinata keeps to herself. Inside her room. With her toys and her picture books. To escape the ensuing vibrations of yet another earthquake. Sometimes they're aimed at her.

Sometimes they don't have to be.

The Hyuuga compound is landmined with eggshells on days like those.

But then there's days like these.

Days when her elder sister Hanabi actually seeks her out, actually smiles at her and invites her to spend time together.

The kitchen is suffused in a delicious scent, and both Hanabi and Natsu are gently glowing, looking rather proud of themselves.

Hinata kicks her feet on the steps as Hanabi splits off a piece of her cinnamon roll and poises it in front of Hinata's mouth.

Hanabi pops it into her mouth, and it's so warm, mouthwateringly gooey and fluffy. Hinata hums in delight.

Days like these help her forget the pangs and doubts, and instead remind her to believe.

Believe that she is loved.

* * *

 

A sheet of gauzy gray has been drawn over the village since that morning. Everything is muted, from the colors in the garden, to the emotions in the eyes of her placid kin.

Hinata follows after her elder sister. They enter a private room. Black and white portraits line all four walls upon a simple mantle. And against the wall ahead is an altar holding an incense burner and a bowl of tangerines. It's seated before an ornate _butsudan_ , lacquered in gold with black trim.

Hanabi pats the spot beside her.

She opens the cabinet doors as soon as Hinata has gotten into _seiza_.

There inside is another black and white portrait, one of a beautiful woman with dark hair and a serenity to challenge the moon's beauty.

Hanabi lights the incense.

She claps her hands together and bows her head. Hinata copies her.

Today would have been her thirtieth birthday.

Hanabi's hands part to rest in her lap. Her face shows nothing, but there's tension in her hands, in her shoulder, the way her arms seem locked like wooden rafters.

"... I'll never understand… why she chose to offer her time to that screwed up, good-for-nothing," Hanabi's thumbs dug into the fabric of her dark pants. "That was my time she gave away." Hanabi turned towards her, brows pinching like she were fighting back a flood.

Hinata sank into her elder sister's stare.

A puzzle piece to their past floated out of Hinata's reach, another one of those invisible stories that she had to feel out from the air.

But no matter what, somehow she felt that she'd remain a permanent outsider to these stories.

Her memory of their mother fades day by day, like a hand across a chalkboard, smearing one kanji at a time. The phrase changes over time, the paragraphs shrink, the meanings warp till they diminish into nonsense.

Her sister is in pain, but Hinata will never fully understand how she feels.

The hole in her chest that resounds its emptiness through her body like a bell, Hinata always responds to it with this hunger to fill it. With love. With praise. With a tender pat on the head. Most of which never come.

Her sister's emptiness is ringing loud and clear, and Hinata wants to help fill it.

* * *

 

She starts by teaching herself how to cook.

Except Natsu won't let her do much.

The rice is ready. As Natsu lifts the pot, steam billows up, revealing glossy grains of short rice.

Natsu prepares the square sheets of dried seaweed.

After the rice has cooled just enough for her small hands, Natsu helps her mold the balls into the triangular onigiri shape.

"Should we fill them?"

Natsu giggles. "Sure. What do you think Hanabi-sama would like?"

Hinata pats the air out of the rice ball, her mind running through a small list.

"Banana?"

Natsu falters. Then forces a smile. "How about shrimp and sweet mayo?"

Hinata nearly dropped the rice ball, her voice scraping out in a scandalized whisper. "Ew."

Natsu removed the onigiri from her hands and finished molding it, before setting it down onto a plate. "Well, your big sister enjoys them."

Her face did not de-scrunch. "Ew."

* * *

 

Neji sat on the engawa, same time as every day when he heard her tiny voice. She sounded more excited than ever.

"Neji-niisan! I cooked today!"

Natsu tilted the plate a fraction, just enough for him to see the variety of practice Hinata put in. Some rice balls were topped with shiny, red roe. Others were unwrapped yet seasoned with dried bonito flakes. Two had been especially fun for Hinata, for she had created Hanabi's likeness as well as his own.

Neji stared down himself, wondering if the deadpan expression she captured was what he really looked like to her. Whereas Hanabi's mouth had been shaped by strands of _nori_ to resemble that of a cat's.

"Those are…" _Strange._ Glancing into his cousin's rosy face gleaming with pride, he offered a smile. "... Very creative." He reached out, rubbing her head.

Her giggle hardly changed in cadence, and maybe it never would.

Oh, to experience simple pleasures again.

* * *

 

Hanabi said she didn't want food from home.

She said she liked going to the market during lunch.

The Academy was a place with lots of other children.

Hinata tried to imagine a house full of kids, as opposed to this one which seemed to be full of older men.

Hanabi probably had lots of friends. She probably only got to hang out with them during lunch. A small joy, one that she had to sneak into the convenience of already being out from under the Hyuuga's eye.

Hinata wondered what else she could do for her sister.

She simply didn't know.

Hinata wandered through the corridors, until she arrived at the dojo's closed doors. Not fully closed, actually. There was just enough space for her to peek through.

Hunching down, Hinata framed her hands around her eyes and peered through the crack.

Her two favorite people faced off, mirroring each other's stance, defying each other's determination.

Neji-niisan's eleven now. He looks so much older than Hanabi. He sounds it, too.

The look on Neji-niisan's face is dark like a storm cloud, but something unpleasant is gleaming through, and suddenly Hinata's heart is marching in place. _Thud, thud, thud._

Hanabi launches forth. Neji deflects her strikes, barely swaying, never taking a step back.

But then he steps aside.

Hanabi flies through. She redirects her momentum by spinning on the ball of her foot, and she launches again.

She's pushing Neji backwards, strike after strike, except… Neji-niisan is grinning. Despite the scowl that makes Hinata feel small looking at it, it's his grin that twists her insides.

They're different today. They're both so different.

Neji-niisan isn't being pushed. He's leading Hanabi along. Her cropped brown hair is sticking to her temples. She just can't seem to land a blow. Can't get him to stumble, to make a wrong move.

Hanabi jumps away, jaw loose as she heaves for breath.

Neji cranes his head to the side, his scowl rumbling like thunder. "What's wrong, Hanabi-sama? This isn't child's play."

Hanabi grits her teeth with a scoff.

Hinata's hands have moved away from her eyes to clutch against her chest. She sees the same storm clouds slide over her sister's face and Hinata can't breathe.

They clash like hot and cold air, threatening to tear up the dojo, to tear up one another.

Hinata's supposed to start training soon.

Is this what it's going to be like?

Each strike was harder than the last, leaving welts and bruises behind.

Each pounce and leap held a dark promise, and like the nearly invisible wasps of chakra, those dark feelings seeped out more and more.

Neji found an opening in her defenses. He laid a fierce succession of efficient strikes, one after the other, forcing her to the ground with a final shove.

That was it.

Elder sister lost the spar.

"You really think you can protect the Hyuuga clan like that?!"

What was he saying?

Hinata's hand smacked over her mouth as Neji leapt for her defenseless sister.

_DON'T!_

Fire raged around her marching heart, threatening to light her voice to explode, but Father - who had done nothing up until now - grabbed Neji's wrist and flipped him onto his back.

Her father formed a seal.

And the worst thing Hinata ever heard ripped out of her beloved Neji-niisan's throat.

He was screaming. Like he was being burned. Clutching his head, he rolled onto his knees. Fingers hooked in his headband and wrappings. It didn't stop. He just kept screaming. Like they were killing him.

He thrashed upright, words slurring through the agony.

Tears washed down her cheeks, salt filling up her tongue.

What was happening?!

He wrenched the wrappings off as if they were the reason he was burning.

What was that thing?

It glowed an eerie green.

She hadn't seen that before, didn't realize he was hiding anything.

She didn't have one. Elder sister didn't have one. Father, nor Grandfather. Not even Kou-san bored this mark.

So why did Neji-niisan?

Why was Hanabi approaching him with that smile on her face? Like a predator. Like a lioness.

She stood inches of him, unafraid and unconcerned, until the very moment the screams stopped, his eyes rolled up into his head and his hands fell away from his face.

Neji-niisan grew limp.

He slumped to the floor.

Hinata cupped her eyes.

She choked down her hiccups and whimpers.

She ran to her room to deal with her feelings same as she always had.

By herself.

* * *

 

Natsu is here, but Hinata doesn't want to talk.

Deep down she knows it's rude, but all she wants to do right now is read.

Natsu tilts her head aside with an apologetic smile. "You must really love that one, Hinata-sama."

Hinata catches on. After all, there's only nine books piled beside her.

"Perhaps you would like to find another one like it?"

She stares at the page of the lonely fox kit who had travelled far and wide to find his family. He had outwitted Kappas hiding in the rivers and ghouls creeping in the shadows of abandoned houses. He had been hunted down by a starved man, only to wander into a forbidden Tengu forest.

After his daring escape, he recognized a familiar scent on the wind.

Whereas the previous illustrations had gradually turned darker and colder, they shifted, becoming softer, lighter and more inviting.

A new book wouldn't be so bad, but… "After I finish," Hinata wouldn't end it here for the little fox, even though she read this fifty times already.

She turned to the final page where his kin greeted him, his mother and brothers having missed him dearly.

He was the runt of the litter, but he survived trials far greater than they could imagine. His brothers gained a newfound respect for him, and he was never lonely again.

* * *

 

A trip outside the compound is full of noise, energy and various scents, some pleasant and sweet, some savory enough to tempt her tummy, and others faintly acrid they curl her insides.

When the crowds begin to flow in, it's like the walls are slowly closing in on her. The noise suffocates her mind. It's heavy inside her chest, her ribs won't budge. She desires to be carried up above it all. But when she cranes up to look at Natsu, the desire quiets down.

She's five years old now. She was far too old now to ask for such pampering. Surely her brave, elder sister doesn't struggle like this.

But her heart was jumping, and her skin was buzzing. Unconsciously she huddles closer to Natsu's side, not wanting to get swept away or stepped on. Glancing reluctantly into the faces of the patrons, she shrank inside.

Each time someone looked at her, they had made a copy of her inside their minds. Even if these copies were temporary, they existed. Three, seven, twelve, twenty people. Thirty, forty, fifty. Each had a copy of her inside their minds. Like mirrors, but each reflection was imperfect in some way, inaccurate. Or maybe they weren't. Maybe what they saw was what was true. And she couldn't do anything about it.

Just like at home.

Hinata pressed so close to Natsu the woman nearly tripped. Pausing in the middle of the road, Hinata spilled her apologies as her fingers found each other beneath her chin.

She didn't know why she always got in the way. She didn't know why she thought uncomfortable things.

Natsu crouched down, hands gently cradling her charge's shoulders.

Hinata tucked her chin in, wanting to hide from another inconvenient truth: now she was just causing Natsu unnecessary worry.

"It's just a little longer, Hinata-sama. Will you be okay? Or do you want to go back now?"

Before she could answer, the thumping of a body on the ground caught everyone's attention. Conversation killed, all eyes turned towards the scene already unfolding.

"You were trying to steal this, weren't you?!" The red-faced merchant was drenched in disgust as he faced off against… a blonde boy sitting on the ground. A boy with whisker marks on his cheeks.

"No I wasn't! I was just looking!"

"Liar! You were scheming!"

"Shut up! I don't… do that."

Whispers hummed all around them. Men and women spoke amongst each other as they side-eyed the boy.

His shoulders drooped, his ears tinged red as the fire in his eyes dimmed.

She couldn't imagine how he must be feeling. The copies of himself that existed inside their collective memories, she believed that to be enough humiliation to last a lifetime.

"Leave my stand this instance! You're bad for business!"

Hinata winced at this. Was that man serious?

"Hah?! Why don't you make me?!" His blue eyes narrowed as he patted the ground. "This dirt feels nice. This has to be the best dirt in all of Konoha. I could just stay right here aaaall daaay."

The merchant reared back, seething like a tea kettle. He snatched the white and red fox mask off his display wall and flung it at the boy, causing him to flinch.

"THERE! You can have it! Not like you had the money to begin with! Now get!"

The stares turned derisive, their whispers heated up, half-parts incredulous and offended… by the very boy who'd so clearly been picked on.

His lips pulled over his teeth baring a snarl. He grabbed the mask, paid the man with a defiant show of his tongue and ran off.

When everything died down, they resumed their trek, albeit at a slower pace.

Hinata's gaze remained glued to the ground.

The fox in her picture book did something similar. Having not been as good at transformation as his brothers, the Kappa confused his female form to be that of a young boy. The Kappa was surprised to hear the boy offer his soul willingly. The Kappa then thought perhaps if the boy didn't want it, then the Kappa wouldn't want it either.

In the end, the fox kit got to keep something he supposedly didn't want.

"Natsu-san…"

She craned her head to the side. "Yes, Hinata-sama?"

"Can we pay for that fox mask?"


	6. Rivalry

Naruto crossed his arms over Sakura’s section of the lecture desk and grinned. “Hey Sakura-chan! So when are we gonna go on that date?”

Her brow twitched as she refused to look up from her studies. “For the last time…” Her green glare flashed bright in an instant, both hands shot out to grip his whiskered cheeks. “STOP. ASKING. ME. OUT!”

“Owowowow!”

Releasing him, Naruto slumped to the floor, rubbing both cheeks. Stealing a glance to the left, Naruto frowned upon realizing his antics were failing to have their intended effect: Hanabi was completely immune to nonsense as usual. That is, if jealousy were to be considered a nonsense emotion.

Naruto shot up, slamming his palms on Sakura’s desk. “Oh c’mon! I’m not that ugly!”

As some of their classmates broke out into incredulous chuckles, Sakura’s pinkened face sank behind the shield of her hand.

Taking another look at the frosty brunette, Naruto piled it on, practically threw himself to his knees, both hands pressed together in front of his face.

“Sakura-chaaan, pleaaase? You’re the prettiest girl in class!”

A fist pounded two sections up, belonging to the feisty Yamanaka Ino. “‘Scuse me?!”

Another set of hands smacked against their desk, “You blind, kid?!” belonging to that shrill Ami girl as she stood, appearing ready to jump down and hit him.

God damn, these fangirls were scary.

Naruto looked away, not wanting to get pulled into that scene.

Hanabi flipped another page in her book when she finally spoke. “My father was invited by the daimyo to watch a comedy act once. I think they called it ‘Manzai’? Basically one person played the Straight Man, who always berated the other character because he--”

“Was totally awesome?” Naruto lit up an open grin. Did he get it right?

Hanabi broke eye contact with her studies to fix them with a bland gaze. “Was a fool.”

Oh. And Hanabi wasn’t laughing.

Naruto scratched at the surface of the wooden lecture desk.

No, he needed to switch back quick.

So he placed his hand behind his neck and laughed it off. As always this particular laugh was extra loud, extra happy. Just all around extra.

Hanabi returned to her own studies, so cool and unaffected by everything around her. She had cut her hair the day after her spar with Sasuke three years ago, and it’s been short ever since. At first Naruto was sad to see it all go. But then he realized: She had nothing to hide behind anymore. He could see most of her face at any angle, from anywhere in the room, and at this particular angle he liked how the brown strands curled towards her lips.

“Ugh, you’ve got to be kidding me.” Sakura hissed.

All of a sudden his head was aching all warm from a fresh bump. He stared at Sakura who wielded her book like a hammer, spine down, and her eyes narrowed to exasperated slits.

She huffed and took her leave, leaving him to rub his head both in discomfort and utter confusion.

The heck was that for?

* * *

 

He’d been catching stares all day.

Naruto stood in line as the class rotated through the daily sparring matches.

From the very moment he strolled through class prior to roll call, he’d been wearing his goggles the way he’s supposed to: Over his eyes. And yet everyone was glancing at him like he was a weirdo.

The world looked funny like this, like he was staring into a deep water tank.

Somehow Shikamaru and Choji got paired up to fight again. Iruka-sensei must be real optimistic expecting a different outcome for once.

It didn’t happen.

Sighing, Iruka-sensei announced the next names.

“Naruto.”

Heart thumping, Naruto stepped out of the line and approached the dirt.

“Sasuke.”

_Crap._

The Boy Who Lost Everything slid out of line, keeping his hands in his pockets as always. Naruto squared up, bringing further attention to his bandaged fingers.

The first time they matched had been long before ‘the change’. Even then, Naruto couldn’t allow himself to lose entirely. So he never reconciled. He had smacked Sasuke’s hand away, and in a second they were gripping each other’s collars, glaring down the other and snarling.

Naruto didn’t know the meaning of ‘Dying with dignity’. He only knew to ‘Never say die’.

And now he was going to show everyone what he was capable of.

No. No wait!

Hold on!

Wait!

_Dammit._

Naruto wheezed through the armbar leashing his neck. There was nothing he could do as Sasuke had somehow managed to fold both his arms and pin them to his back with his free hand.

_Idea._

Naruto turned into dead weight.

Having been trying so hard to keep Naruto restrained, Sasuke fumbled to adjust his grip.

Naruto growled as he forced himself through, neck and face burning along the way.

His goggles slipped off.

Naruto winced as the world was suddenly too bright.

Hitting the ground just before his goggles did, Naruto scrambled to grab them but it was too late.

The cheers had gone silent and everyone was staring.

Even the look on Sensei’s face, Naruto couldn’t take.

Keeping his gaze to the dirt, Naruto calmly slid his goggles back on and squared up again.

Sasuke was unreadable as ever, except he too seemed distracted.

Fine. Naruto would use that to his advantage.

Laughter broke out from the sidelines and Naruto’s stance dropped.

Kiba was clutching his stomach, eyes wet behind his cheeks. “Where’re your eyebrows, kid?”

The collective shock crumbled away, and majority of the class began laughing uncontrollably.

Naruto’s skin warmed to an uncomfortable degree, he quite honestly desired to climb out of it. Balling his fists, he rounded on his audience.

“KNOCK IT OFF!”

* * *

 

A faulty, discarded gas stove lay in the designated trash heap outside his apartment. The same trash heap from which he had taken it from.

The irony of it all; At the age of five, he could make a pretty big fire out in the woods, catch fish all on his own and roast them (not burn them). But at the age of ten, he couldn’t boil water on a damn butane stove.

_Technology’s gonna kill us all._

Naruto lay on his side, arm draped over the edge of his bed.

The Third said a microwave would be delivered in the comings days. Of course, the packaging for Cup Ramen says ‘Do Not Microwave’, but apparently these waves were supposed to be good for all kinds of things.

The landlord refused to come up and take a look at Naruto’s stove, to see why it wasn’t working so it could be repaired. The portly man spoke of having not received a security deposit. Security Deposit? Like a freshly-released-from-the-hospital four year old was just going to have that up front? Like he had spent weeks cold-calling landlords for open leases back then? Yeah. Okay, sir.

_So hungry._

Climbing out of bed, Naruto begrudgingly grabbed a package of Top Ramen, and crushed it with his hands. There was a similar satisfaction in this as crushing autumn leaves beneath his shoes, or lifting an irregular square of dried mud and crumbling it bits. This particular satisfaction was just as transient.

Opening the package, he retrieved the seasoning packet and dumped its contents inside. He closed the lip and gave it a shake.

Plopping back down on his bed, he ate.

It was okay.

It was kind of like potato chips.

* * *

 

Standing in the middle of his bathroom, Naruto pressed his palm to the dirty mirror and smoothed away the thick layer of toothpaste spittle. He could seem himself better, but instead of a foggy reflection, now it was blurry.

His shoulders drooped.

Running his fingertips across the blank spots of flesh where his eyebrows should be, he was only marginally relieved to feel the scratch of stubble, but far as he knew he was still in for a wait.

His stomach squelched in protest. His hair was only so long at the front, and he couldn’t wear the goggles at night.

Only one thing to do.

Forming the Ram, Naruto uttered the words of the technique he’d been practicing almost religiously. “Henge no Jutsu!”

A puff of white smoke exploded, then dispersed, revealing an adolescent girl with long twin-tails. The transformation still bore his current attire, but filled it out to the point that the pants had become cropped, and the top sat an inch above the waistband.

Based on the magazine he found (and currently hid beneath his bed), the age of his model was about fifteen.

Not quite a perfect ‘Oiroke no Jutsu’, but it was a start.

He definitely needed more magazines.

His stomach groaned again.

But first: Dinner.

Stepping outside his apartment, one hand on the knob to shut it behind him, he distantly heard one of his neighbors.

_“I’m heading out.”_

_“Alright, be safe.”_

Their door shut, and Naruto carefully shut his door after, the common exchange replaying in his head.

“... I’ll be right back.” He murmured.

 _‘Be safe.’ Said no one._ Sighing to himself, he turned for the stairs. Halfway down, he froze.

Iruka-sensei was staring up at him, gaping like one of those grouper fish in the restaurant tanks.

“You, uh… Went for a full transformation.”

Naruto’s shock withered as his stare became bland and half-shut. Playing the part of a haughty teen girl -- why exactly? Well, it was kind of fun -- Naruko marched down the steps with her nose in the air.

“You know me, Sensei,” She flips her hair. “I gotta go all out.”

Sensei can’t look her in the eye anymore. He’s scratching his cheek, and though the street lamps are yellowed with age, Naruko believes her Sensei might be blushing.

As if snapping back to reality, Iruka harshly face-palms and now is looking really shameful.

“You always got to make things difficult.”

Naruko craned her head to the side. “Huh?”

Iruka folded his arms, looking cross. “I came over to check on you. But now that I see you, asking you to a bowl of ramen suddenly feels highly inappropriate.”

“You’re treating me?” Naruko gleamed.

Iruka pointed at the ground, a classic authoritative gesture. “Not until you look normal.”

Naruko scoffed, eyes closing to fox-like slits. “Tch. I got these marks on my cheeks no one else has, and you’re asking _me_ to look normal. Yeah, okay.”

Something changed in Sensei. His demeanor wilted, every tension and indignance sapped away, and the young instructor stared at him like he’d been told someone had died.

“What’s wrong?”

Iruka looked up to the side. He rubbed his mouth and sighed. “Nothing. I,I’ll get you some ramen as promised. C’mon.”

* * *

 

Dinner was quiet.

Filling. But quiet.

Iruka sipped on a pint of golden brew, his second bowl completely empty.

Five empty bowls lay stacked to Naruko’s left. She fiddled with the straw in her water, cheek in her palm, before glancing at her Sensei.

“Think it’d freak everyone out if I walked in like this?”

“Yes. So don’t.”

“Killjoy.”  
~~~

He freaked everyone out.

Iruka-sensei was so red in the face; Naruto could practically hear him screaming already to go stand in the hall.

But he was still stunned. And stammering.

Naruto had practiced all night trying to get his sexy disguise to look ten instead of fifteen. No other classmate had twin-tails, so he decided to keep that in order to stand out as a girl.

He was getting so much attention now, he had to be dreaming!

Naruko helped herself to an empty seat beside Hanabi, grinning with cheek in hand.

Sakura sat on the other side, glaring at him suspiciously.

Hanabi snapped her book shut and sighed “I can’t focus with both of you in my periphery. Too colorful.” She sidled out as Sakura gave her space to do so.

Naruko watched Hanabi ascend the steps, half parts disappointed and amused by her departure. But when she took a seat beside the kid with the sunglasses and big hair, Naruko was no longer amused.

Looking away, Naruko vaguely registered the softened expression on Sakura’s face, but dismissed it as quickly as she saw it.

A shadow loomed over her, with arms crossed and a tightened grin. “You know what I’m going to say, right?”

“Yeah, yeah.” Naruko formed the ram and dispelled the jutsu. Naruto pulled his goggles down and crossed his arms in defiance.

Iruka pinched the bridge of his nose and stalked back to his podium.

Not quite what he was going for, but rationally it should have been.

* * *

 

Spar time.

Again.

More like ‘Ass Whooped and Eatin’ Dirt’ time.

The spar between Sasuke and Hanabi was intense as always. Neither one would yield. Neither one would accept the inevitable loss. The whole class could be out here for an extra hour just watching them duke it out.

Sasuke had perfect form for someone who dabbled in various styles.

Hanabi had finesse because she was made to master one style.

Both had this raw determination to obliterate the other.

Naruto… Naruto literally had none of that.

One foot in the ring and the picture he had in his head just never played out.

“I can’t stand it…”

Naruto peeked over his shoulder. Sakura was frowning at the spectacle of talent before her.

She might shun him, as she always does, but he has to ask: “Can’t stand what?”

Her face doesn’t move, but her green eyes flick in his direction, hovering in consideration before pulling away again.

She quiet. But then: “She cuts her hair, and I thought ‘Perfect. She dropped out. One less rival’... But she’s actually still far closer to him than any of us are.”

Naruto gives his attention back to the fight, tiny limbs too quick for his eyes to follow. He’d love to learn by just looking, but… he can’t. And he’d love it if he existed to be somebody’s something, even if that meant being a thorn in their side.

But when Hanabi’s bubble was as impenetrable as damascus, well, then he probably needed to try being something else than a thorn.

“We need to try harder.” That was Ino.

“I’m par with her when it comes to studying--” Sakura.

“Yeah, but you average in everything else.”

“Look who’s talking. You can’t even leash Sasuke-kun with all that hair.”

“What’re you guys talking about leashes for?” That was Kiba. “Owowow!” And that was Kiba getting pummeled.

 _Become something else…_ Not a thorn… but something… Something that garners respect.

Become Hanabi’s rival?

_No wait._

Become Sasuke’s rival.

He had always thought maybe his rival would come along some day. That Hanabi and Sasuke were set in stone.

Even with Iruka prompting him to dream biggers years ago, he was still waiting for that sense of purpose to drop in his lap.

Screaming ‘I’m going to become Hokage!’ still felt little more than an exercise in positive reinforcement. A phrase he heard from The Third’s mouth to another shinobi was: _“Even false morale is better than none at all.”_

Well, all the world’s false morale wasn’t going to make him Hokage tomorrow, or the next day, or the week after.

But it could convince him to become respected by one person in a month’s time.

The future was this vastless haze of ambiguity, one full of big ideas and baseless fantasy. The convenience of more childish dreams had the appeal of quicker payoff, and he was down for the distraction.

A devilish grin broke across his face.

_And if I manage to replace Hanabi as his rival, she’s gonna wanna fight me back for her position._

Naruto thrust his fists towards the sky. "I'm gonna do it!"

He was always catching stares.


	7. I'm Not Angry, Just Throwing Stones

Naruto wasn't one for studying. Not in the reading sense. Being stuck in a single spot for hours on end, trying to comprehend the instructions, memorize the sequence of seals and choreograph them in his head - only to find out in practice that it didn't work, that he screwed up somehow - yeah, that tedious back-and-forth wasn't for him.

But demonstrations, however - now those he loved.

It was cool to see a new jutsu as opposed to read about it.

Often the hand seals were performed too fast for his eye, though. Something he would have to improve on, for sure. If he could recognize the sequence of seals before they were completed, he could counter. Guess he would need to read more scrolls, after all.

So when Naruto set his sights on defeating Hanabi in a fight, he asked the only person who could help him.

The sky over the village was the color of blood orange, and the classroom was shadowy and empty.

Iruka had completed his paperwork and sat down beside Naruto in the row. These seats which were meant for children now looked all too small for the young teacher.

Iruka laced his fingers, resting his elbows atop the desk.

"So, you had a question for me?"

"Yuh-huh," Naruto laced his fingers as well, mimicking Iruka-sensei and leaned forward. Iruka blinked at how serious he looked. "What is Hanabi's fighting style called?"

Iruka blinked again. "It's called Juuken."

"Juuken."

"Yes," A small smirk popped on Iruka's face. "You wouldn't be able to learn it."

"How about countering it?"

Iruka's brows jumped straight into his forehead. A big smile slowly bloomed. "Well, there was a shinobi once who was something of a scholar of taijutsu. He observed the Hyuuga's movements in combat and developed a version that did not require the Byakugan. This version is named Hakkesho. Now with Hakkesho, just like the Juuken, there's a lot of emphasis on circular movements and a full use of momentum. So for example, you can redirect the full power of your opponent's strike, as opposed to simply trying to hit them back harder."

"So I can learn Hakkesho?" Naruto stood, excitement bubbling forth though he maintained a dead serious front. Forming fists, he lurched into Iruka's personal space causing his teacher to lean away with mild surprise. "You would recommend Hakkesho to counter the Juuken?"

There was a beat of silence. Then Iruka burst out laughing.

Naruto sank back down, his excitement now sapped away, eaten by confusion, then quickly by annoyance.

"Oh, c'mon!" He pounded a small fist on the desk.

Iruka pulled himself back together. "Sorry, sorry. Well, it could help you to predict their movements if you were to master it yourself. But to answer your original question, is there an art to counter the Juuken? No, I'm afraid there isn't."

The sun dipped down as it always did, eclipsing the village in a crisp shade. Naruto felt the shadows filling his insides. If he would liken such disappointment, it would be like every twilight he's experienced to memory. The feeling of another day gone, seemingly wasted.

"Thanks." He muttered, standing to leave.

"Naruto, there is one thing and it concerns the Byakugan."

Naruto half-turned around, waiting to hear his teacher out.

"They say the Byakugan has 360 degree vision, but that's not entirely true," Iruka turned around and tapped a specific vertebrae at the base of his neck. "Just above here is their blind spot."

* * *

 

Heart pounding, fire racing through his veins, Naruto crouched atop a wooden fence just a few feet from Academy grounds. In the shade of the leaves, he hid, right hand clutching rocks the size of marbles.

A head of short brown hair finally came into view as she headed home, their lessons concluded.

Breathing was hard. Not sweating was also hard.

_Okay. Just above the third thoracic._

He didn't need to beat her in a fight. Yet. Just getting a hit in would be something.

Oh yeah. He was gonna impress her. He was going to impress everyone.

The first rock sailed past her ankle, cracking against the ground and Naruto felt like strangling the air.

He jumped into the foliage as she turned around, her impassive gaze now narrowed as she searched behind her with her normal sight.

Tense seconds passed and she turned slowly, deciding the threat had passed. She began to walk again.

Swallowing the lump in his throat, Naruto landed on the fence, scooting along, not letting her get too far.

The second rock sailed over her shoulder. _Crap!_ He launched again before she could turn- Too fast. It struck her clavicle.

Byakugan activated, Naruto's blood ran cold.

In seconds, the air was knocked from his lungs, and he was pinned to the ground, looking up at the most feral he'd ever seen her. Like a spooked cat with its back arched and tail all poofy.

"What's your problem?"

Naruto choked on his spit, stammering as his brain couldn't find the words.

She lifted him by the collar and shoved him down.

He winced against her venomous glare.

"I said: What is your _problem_?"

Naruto gulped. "I was just… practicing my aim."

The grip on his collar tightened, as if her knuckles couldn't get any whiter. Her free hand tapped at the red mark forming over her clavicle. He knew she was tough, that she's had worse scrapes before, but he felt a little sick.

Must be guilt.

Her glare lessened, immense confusion taking hold.

"What… were you aiming at?"

Naruto exhaled. Was this bad? Was this something he wasn't supposed to know? But Sensei told him anyways! "Your blind spot," Her eyes snapped open. "I was aiming for your blind spot."

Hanabi let him go. She pulled away, face darkening an ugly red, both hands covering that sacred spot on the back of her neck.

She sputtered to speak. Gave up. Then promptly ran away.

* * *

 

Hanabi's hand has been glued to the back of her neck for the past week. Her Byakugan has been as active as her vigilance.

It continues to put off her classmates and confuse her instructor.

When she pointedly looks in Iruka's direction, he shuffles his feet along with the lesson plan at his podium, seemingly making it a point not to meet her gaze.

She hasn't said anything about that hooligan's harassment. She thinks it'll just make her look weak in front of everyone else. She thinks it won't solve anything.

He knows.

He knows about her family's shared limitation.

He was practicing to exploit it.

Rocks are nothing. Just the tools of a common bully.

But he can throw a kunai nearly as good as anyone.

So she's been keeping watch.

She has to.

Even if it's exhausting.

* * *

 

When she gets home, she has a headache.

Suddenly the sun is too bright, and looking off into the distance makes her nauseous.

_This sucks._

She has to train.

She can't today.

She needs to lay down.

She needs her blindfold, and a gentle hand to ground her in reality.

When she gets home, a voice like a tiny bell greets her.

Hanabi peers down at her little sister, grimacing as she does so.

Hinata tilts her head. "What's wrong?"

Hanabi figures she can't keep this in for much longer. Their father will be the second to know, anyways.

Hanabi crouches down, gazes into her worried sister's eyes. Someday she'll understand: There's danger in the most unexpected places. "A boy's been throwing stones at me for the past week. He got me once already."

Hinata's eyes slowly widened, her little brows knotting together. Out of everyone else, little Hinata is the most doe-eyed. So utterly innocent, it seems unreal. They've all been sheltering her. But even though she gets annoying from time to time, Hanabi knows she would shelter her too. For as long as she could.

"Nooo," Hinata shuffles forward, eyes glistening and arms outstretched. Hanabi accepts and reciprocates the embrace. "Hanabi-neesama, I don't want anyone to hurt you."

Hanabi lifts Hinata with ease, depositing the child on her hip, when she glowers at the lone figure hovering at the edge of the Main House.

Hinata had stopped disappearing during lunch time for the past month. Hanabi knew why. Somehow their mother's little tradition had become trained into Hinata. And what with school, there was little Hanabi could do about it.

Hanabi clutched Hinata tighter, glaring icily at the traitor in their midst.

Neji turned around, making his way back to his corner of the compound. Like a dog with its tail between its legs.

"I'm sorry, baby sis, but there's actually a lot more than one person trying to hurt me."

Hinata snuggled closer and hot tears sank into Hanabi's dark blue shirt.

Hanabi made shushing noises like she used to do before everything changed.

* * *

 

Shame felt like a kettlebell against the back of her head as Hanabi sat in a seiza across her father, hands balled on her lap and head bowed low.

"Why have you expended your chakra, daughter?"

"Someone's been bullying me. Throwing stones."

"And you've exhausted your eyes because..?"

"I was… paranoid." A disgusting admission, but the truth nonetheless. This was nothing new to him anyways. All those years ago, they had finally managed to stop her night terrors with the use of a special blindfold, and her mother's gentle hand to remind her she was safe and not alone.

Hiashi seemed to consider her plight before speaking.

"Daughter, as a practitioner of our secret tradition, you have an advantage like no other: The ability to do harm without being seen."

Suddenly the weight pressing her head down had lessened and Hanabi looked up into her father's face. She had expected him to look down on her, but no, he believed in her.

"Deal with this problem however you see fit."

Yes. This was just like before. All those years ago.

She can retake control.

* * *

 

She doesn't want to feel this way again. Not when going to academy of all things.

Everything's the same.

Half the girls are mooning over Sasuke. The other half that used to have their hair cut short, their eyes attentively appraising Hanabi as she enters the classroom.

Yes, to those girls she is seen as their idol. Having apparently changed their minds about Sasuke, they remembered why they're really here and who they're supposed to be: Proud Kunoichi of the Leaf.

Some boys are sleeping, one is eating, other boys are goofing off and only two seem to be studying.

Same as ever.

And then there was the blond getting chewed out by Haruno-san again.

Hanabi's stomach twisted.

She took a breath and smoothed herself like silk.

"Uzumaki!"

He startled before turning around, looking as apprehensive as a first time criminal.

"Y,Yeah?"

Hanabi stood nearly toe to toe with him. She then placed her left hand on his right shoulder, and his cheeks pinkened.

"You almost got me the other day. Your aim is impressive."

The pink spread to his ears.

_Okay, that's enough._

Releasing him, she turned away and made her way up the stairs, to sit at her new de facto spot beside Shino.

Iruka-sensei strolled in, gently grinning as always. Until someone pissed him off enough, of course.

The hooligan awkwardly sank down in his seat, stealing a glance over his shoulder before redirecting his focus ahead.

Hanabi placed her cheek in her hand, keeping her eyes trained on the blond.

As the first lesson passed into the second, Hanabi noticed the first signs of her technique take hold.

It was indiscernible at first.

He grasped his right trapezius a couple times, rolling his neck to ease the discomfort. But it never did ease.

By the fourth lesson he started rolling his shoulder. Frequently.

Iruka paused mid-lecture.

"Naruto? What are you doing?"

He stammered at first. "Uh, sorry, I think I pulled something? Nah, actually, I musta slept on it weird. Dunno."

Sensei's face pinched as he frowned. He was pensive for a beat. "Do you want to get it looked at?"

The blond straightened up suddenly, gripping his pencil with renewed determination. "No! No, I got this."

Sensei's mouth pressed into a firm line before be continued right where he left off.

During the spar, he was nowhere to be found.

By the time the sixth lesson arrived…

Iruka stopped mid-lecture again as Naruto's pencil rolled out of his hand and onto the floor.

"Naruto. Aren't you going to get that?"

The back of his neck was glistening with sweat. Hanabi moved her hand over her mouth, lest someone catch her grinning.

Her _Hornet's Sting_ technique worked.

* * *

 

His heart thudded slow yet heavily. Breathing was hard. Not sweating was downright impossible.

Naruto trudged out the academy doors, the courtyard noisy and bright with the laughter of his classmates.

_Something's wrong._

He made his way toward the lone swing. It was always shady under that swing.

_Something's wrong and no one's looking._

Hugging his dead right arm to his chest, Naruto tried his best to act natural, but no way he was that good of an actor… was he?

Could he be talented enough to convince himself this wasn't happening?

He plopped down. The swing flailed under his sudden weight, and he nearly fell backwards, having no hands to steady the rope.

He stared unseeingly at the ground. Somehow he didn't believe there was any ground. Not beneath his feet, no.

Every time he was pulled back into reality, back into the awareness that something was oh so wrong with him, the earth itself threatened to vanish from beneath.

He couldn't feel it.

He really couldn't feel his arm.

She finally said something nice to him.

His aim was getting better. She said so herself.

He was perfecting his transformation technique, even if they were really just for laughs.

He wanted to learn more, do more!

He's been telling the whole village that he's going to become Hokage!

_It's over._

His face burned.

He peered up, glancing around the busy courtyard, at the smiles and the homemade bento lunches so clearly crafted by their loving parents.

Their parents would continue to love them more as they become genin in the coming two years.

Really… no one… was even looking at him.

* * *

 

Neji laid out on the engawa, soaking in the sunlight.

He didn't know what it was about this time that made him so listless.

The past month he'd been sitting, waiting, wondering: Will she show up today? And then wondering: Why is she ignoring me?

He should be practicing, but he already practices plenty. Auntie used to tell him he worked too hard. She used to tell him to sit down and relax, listen to the wind and the leaves.

That's how he picked up on meditation. He could center himself, control his breathing, quiet his thoughts… find peace when there was none to gain.

But right now, he just wanted to stare up at the clouds drifting past.

She wasn't going to show up anymore, he figured.

They finally talked the other day, but… it didn't seem satisfactory. Maybe he just wasn't satisfied with himself, lying to his gullible cousin like that.

_"Hanabi-neesama was down. You were about to hurt her."_

_"No, I- I was simply helping Hanabi-sama."_

_Her head tilted. She always did that. Always tilted it a little too far to the side. Like she just needed to see the truth from another angle before believing it._

_"'Helping'?"_

_"Yes. Because the enemy will strike when you are down. They will not be merciful even if you beg."_

_"So why did you get punished?"_

_And when did she get so perceptive?_

_"I did not ask Hiashi-sama in advance that I may fight without restriction."_

_"You need permission?"_

_"Yes, Hinata-sama. Hanabi-sama is to take the mantle of clan leader some day. To ensure that she is fully prepared, we mustn't go easy on her."_

She had asked him to take her back to the Main House.

His chest was heavy, bitter and sweet as a grim smile overtook him.

She wouldn't show up anymore. He could make his peace with that. She saw right through him and this was how things would be from now on.

She'll learn to hate him like a proper main house clansman. No use getting too attached to the fodder. When his day comes, her heart won't break for him.

That's fine. He would hate to be responsible for her tears.

Tiny footsteps and a careful gait met his ears, and his heart sped up in apprehension.

Carefully, Neji pushed himself upright.

Her round face was puffed up around a stern frown, her little arms crossed over her chest.

"Hanabi-neesama has a school bully. We need to go."

Neji blinked at her.

Was this real?


	8. My Body is a Cage

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I originally wanted Neji to be in Mizuki's class. But in hindsight, I made it look like he never left the compound. Oof.

Hinata marched with a purpose through the streets. Neji thoughtfully eyed the fence that lead up to the Academy. Neji was fully self-taught. In a year he'll take the exam. He'll be assigned to a three-man cell, beginning his shinobi career. Missions will take him away from here, away from her.

In another year, she'll begin her formal education here just like Hanabi.

Hinata has yet to pick up a kunai, let alone practice circle walking. Neji wonders if they in fact have other plans for her.

A pleasant chorus of children's voices drift from the courtyard. They both know Hanabi isn't here right now. The best time to not embarrass her is now.

Hinata's hands float up to fiddle beneath her chin. Neji imagines how nervous she'll be on her first day of school. She might not even be able to cross these gates without a little reassurance.

"I don't know who it could be." Hinata turns to look up at him, imploring him for his help. "No one here looks mean to me."

Neji stifles a wry smirk. And what exactly was 'mean' supposed to look like? This little girl might just believe the best in anyone before the hurt finally sets in.

"Let's see if I can find them," Neji activated his Byakugan, and the world faded away to a realm of shadow, glowing humanoid phantoms taking the place of the students. Perhaps Hinata's assessment was correct. He couldn't detect a hint of aggression. And most likely, the bully could be with Hanabi right now. He thought that until his gaze stopped over an incomplete form in the distance, sitting on a swing. Zooming in, his breath caught.

This kid… Every tenketsu through his right arm was shut down.

"That's him. There on the swing."

Neji should have known: It's not Hanabi who needed protection.

* * *

 

Hinata peered at the miserable blond huddled on the swing. Tucked away in the shade, he almost looked like he'd been banished from existence.

That was him. The boy from the market. She bought him his mask. But he didn't know that.

Was he really Hanabi-neesama's bully?

Maybe he was bad news, after all. All those adults in the market acted like he had cholera.

He looked harmless, though. He looked sorry.

Hinata began to shuffle through the gates when Neji pulled her back.

"If you're going to represent the House of the Hyuuga, you need to look the part," He prodded at the center of her back. "Straighten your spine," He adjusted her shoulders. "Puff out your chest," then he moved her hands to rest on her hips. "And if you ever feel like fidgeting, do this instead. You can trick yourself into feeling confident if you look it."

Hinata nodded and arranged her face into a stern stare down.

Now it was time.

* * *

 

They crossed the threshold and approached him, standing a foot from him, effectively keeping him from leaving.

He eyed them warily, first Neji, then her, then Neji again.

"H,Hello! What is your name!?"

Neji's cheeks puffed with barely a withheld snicker. He regained composure a second after.

The boy's face screwed up and he glanced at Neji again.

"Do I have to answer?"

Neji gave him a pointed though blank stare, indiscernibly gesturing with his elbow in Hinata's direction. "Please."

He looked at Hinata like she were a talking hamster. Supposedly there are animals capable of human speech, but Neji had yet to encounter one. If he did, he might make the same face.

The boy shifted his numb arm as if he was getting tired of carrying it. "Naruto." He muttered.

"Naruto-san, I am Hyuuga Hinata! Hanabi-neesama's little sister! And she told me someone was bullying her!"

His gaze dropped to the dirt. He pushed against the ground, idly swaying forward and back. "Did she say who?"

Hinata's shoulders slumped. "Uhm, no."

He peered up at her narrowly. "And you think it's me?"

Her little hands slipped off her hips. "Yes."

"Why?"

All her posturing evaporated, and she twisted at the hip to look up at Neji, eyes watering now that she was at a loss. She doubted herself too easily.

"Forget it." Naruto rasped, face ashen, as he stood up.

Neji reached out, grasping the boy's shoulder. Neji eased him into sitting back down, now finding himself on the other side of a fiery, incredulous glare.

"I need you to cooperate. She's trying to help her beloved sister."

 _What the hell did she do?_ Neji clenched his teeth as he forced the tenketsu to reopen. He hadn't much practice with this yet. This was unbelievable. It was like she managed to mold her chakra into a thick sap right here, and then it melted over time through the rest of his circulatory system. But to localize it like this, where it is just his arm. If it had travelled the opposite direction towards his heart… there might have been a whole new Hyuuga Affair.

Honestly, how deep is her expertise of the human body?

* * *

 

"I need you to cooperate," He said, staring down at him hard. "She's trying to help her beloved sister."

Help? Really? Was she now? By what, finding the easiest straw man she could? Naturally he was everyone's first choice when it came to scapegoating.

Naruto attempted to get up again, but he could barely budge beneath his grip. He wasn't harsh about it. It didn't hurt. Then again, Naruto couldn't exactly feel anything right now. Nothing but this hot, tingling sensation.

Naruto's eyes widened as he felt a twinge. As if his whole body, his lungs had been encased in a vice, he now felt the unlock and release.

The stiffness evaporated. Air rushed into his lungs. Sensation like that of hot and icy water washed through his right arm, dampening the fireworks going off inside second by second, until it was nothing more than muted popping.

And the Hyuuga boy's expression changed.

From stoic to… sad.

_I'm sorry._

Just one look and Naruto knew that's absolutely what he was thinking.

Naruto swallowed. He glanced at his arm. He flexed his fingers.

"Oh my god."

His eyes burned anew, heart thumping because he thought, he really, really thought it was all over.

Then it all smacked into him. So hard he might as well be two feet headfirst into the ground.

_Oh my god._

That uncharacteristic chummy gesture this morning. She had only touched him for a couple seconds, he barely registered the strangeness beyond his initial shock. And the glee. Goddamn, he actually felt… happy.

But she did this.

His throat closed up.

Naruto stared up into the white-eyed boy, his stomach doing turns as it all settled in more and more.

These people. All of them. Even the little pipsqueak looking at him all apprehensively.

They were all capable of this and more.

He needed to go.

He needed to get out.

But the white-eyed boy wouldn't let him.

His voice seemed to have dried out. "Wha-what do you need me to say?" He felt flushed, cold. _Just let me go._

The mini-Hanabi wrung her hands together, seemingly forgetting she'd been put in charge. And that this guy was just her enforcer.

"P,Please promise to stop bullying Hanabi-neesama?"

"Fine. Fine, yeah, I promise. I'll leave her alone." He shoved for the fourth time against the Hyuuga boy's hand, finding no resistance this time. He slipped past them, stumbling for the gates, barely registering the tiny Hyuuga's voice chasing after him.

"I hope you two will become friends someday!"

* * *

 

He threw his right fist.

He threw it again.

Sloppy.

His wrist was still a bit limp.

But holy crap, he had his arm back!

He ran for his apartment.

Ran because he couldn't let anyone see him.

Couldn't let anyone bare witness to his imminent breakdown.

Flying up the stairs, he threw his door open, locked it behind him and sank to his knees.

A second or two.

That's all it took.

He didn't even feel it.

At first his neck just felt cranky, like those mornings where he'd slept with his head off the side of the bed. No big deal.

But then the aches started. Like the first time he tried weight lifting. Iruka-sensei advised him to focus on gains. He could do more with much less. And that's what he did, using a 2 kilogram steel ball. His muscles never hated him more than that day.

After the aches… was just a vague chill. That deadening sensation he had only experienced a handful of times, mostly in the winter when his heater broke down, but a couple times in the river when it'd taken him till nightfall to catch a fish. The fire by his toes only seemed to emphasize the numbness at the time.

Naruto cradled his right hand in his left.

Whenever he saw a new jutsu, his brain always sparked with new ideas. The world got wider, deeper, more vivid.

But this… this just completely shattered everything.

Naruto pressed on the center of his wrist. He inspected his knuckles. He tested the length of his forearm, pressing as he went till he reached his inner elbow.

There were… how many of those spots inside of him?

He should have paid more attention in class after all. Granted he didn't know how he was going to apply that knowledge in battle. It just became trivia to him the moment Iruka-sensei explained it.

Naruto frowned, recalling how much he truly differed from the rest.

Sasuke's been practicing his fire breathing, so to speak. It's the element that ran in his family's blood.

He saw Ino pull an intense prank on Ami a few months before (after the purple-haired bitch snatched Sakura's hair ribbon in front of everyone and stomped on it). Ino formed a triangle with her hands, then she passed out on her desk.

After that, Ami started admitting to things. Confessing to a lot of embarrassing things. Or maybe these were complete lies.

Either way, when Ami became Ami again, she was red-faced, on the verge of tears.

Maybe they weren't complete lies after all.

That sunglasses kid once turned in a test paper with the help of a single ant.

And Shikamaru saved him once.

Naruto had been goofing off up on the roof, trying to prank their classroom below by balancing over the edge. Good thing Shikamaru liked to gaze out the window. Good thing he actually had quick reflexes.

It was scary and cool standing on the wall like that, staring five inches above the dirt. Walking backwards towards the windowsill, having absolutely no control over his body, before being hauled back inside by Shikamaru and Choji - that experience was an eye-opener.

Naruto's jaw locked sideways, his resolve crumbling and reforming in a ceaseless cycle, like a sand castle. Soon as he fixed one of his towers, another one dissolved. Fix that one, there goes another. Little by little, the world pieced itself back together, but it didn't look the same.

Everyone had something special.

Balling his fists, rolling onto his feet, Naruto yelled as he punched the door.

* * *

 

Hinata struggled to keep her head up as they made their way back home. She needed Neji to lead her by the hand so she didn't slow to stop when her thoughts became like mud around her ankles.

"I did something wrong."

"I'm sure you didn't, Hinata-sama."

"I shouldn't have done that."

"I told you it was him."

"How do you know?"

That's when Neji slowed, though he did not pause. He kept going. But what could he say to her? To tell her Hanabi had already handled her harasser would just invite more prodding. To fully admit the situation, that her beloved elder sister would go that far could go two ways: Either Hinata loses respect for her sister, or she holds more respect for her than ever.

Neji couldn't stand either happening.

His chest rose and sank with the weight of his resignation.

"... He just looked right for it."

She tore her little hand from his, the scrape of her sandals louder than dogs barking two houses over, louder than the woman stooped over her balcony rail as she smacked dust from her futon. Neji half-turned to face her, round and red like a tomato. A very soggy tomato.

"That's wrong! Neji-niisan, that's wrong!"

Neji watched the way her lips wobbled over her teeth, firmly closing the short-lived snarl like two curtains closing the scene of a local stage play. He watched as she sniffed back against the tide of emotions threatening to carry her off. Once her face dropped into the cover of her hands, he knew he had set her off.

Not that it was difficult to do, though.

When Hinata wailed, she wasn't loud. When she sobbed, you could pass by her without noticing. Most of their clan members did. They had just gotten used to her 'moods'. Her 'overt sensitivity'. She was still young, only five. They expected her to bounce back and forget all about it, whatever it was at the time.

Neji wasn't a gambler, but this… This might have been too soon.

He approached her. He brushed his fingertips against the back of her hand, but she refused, too busy smearing tears from her eyes. She resumed the walk home however slowly, and when he tried again, she smacked his hand away and sped up to walk in front of him.

He watched her for a beat. Closing his fist, he tucked his hands into his pockets.

It seemed like he was only a genius at making her life harder.

* * *

 

Naruto pummeled fist after fist into the padded training post. Fire ran through his veins, his mind was a suffocating void of black smoke.

He was slipping.

The more he looked back on it all, he saw it was true.

Everyone kept progressing. Everyone kept getting stronger, their skills more refined.

They were useful.

And they were going to leave him behind to slip into the shadows.

But maybe if he just focused on combat, maybe if he just focused on raw fighting power, he might have a chance. His chakra control was complete crap, anyways. He could be a total powerhouse. The Hokages were war heroes anyways, weren't they? They killed a lot of dudes. And everyone loved them for it.

What would their class think if he outed Hanabi tomorrow?

His thoughts instantly betrayed him with their plausible, snide remarks.

' _Oh, that's a nifty trick. Can you use that to make him shut up next time?'_

Naruto's knuckles whumped the padding with a solid strike.

' _You're always pulling pranks, Naruto. I bet you deserved it.'_

He grit his teeth and jabbed.

' _Do it next time he falls asleep. He'll have to soldier crawl his way out of the classroom!'_

His imagination continued to taunt him.

And he threw everything into beating those voices down.

"It's not funny. It's not funny. It's not funny. It's not funny!"

His wrists complained, his knuckles were red and achy, every breath scorched upon entering his lungs. He rested his palm against the padding and glared at it.

He'd been aiming for the same spot for three hours and the material failed to show any signs of weakening.

He shifted his jaw from side to side. He took a step back, and peered up into the glittering darkness. The moon shone bright overhead. He could almost feel it watching him. Pale and pearly just like their all-seeing eyes. He lifted his heavy arm and pointed up at the moon.

"You're next." He waited for a beat, then scoffed, flapping a hand at his own nonsense. The ground captured his gaze and he found himself in the same rut as ever: He had all the motivation in the world and had no idea where to direct it.

He turned on his heel to exit the training grounds, only to be stopped short by three shadows on the ground.

Standing two feet from him were three young chuunin, possibly fifteen years old or so. Naruto narrowed his eyes at them.

"Sorry, what was that?" The middle one started in sarcastically, then turned towards his teammate with a laugh, patting him in the chest. "Hey, didja hear that? I think he threatened me."

 _Ugh._ Did they really hear him back there?

Naruto dipped to the right to escape, but a vice-like grip around his upper arm stopped him. Naruto's demeanor shifted, as it always did in these situations. The anxiety hollowed him out, as if having tucked away every last bit of ego into a safe room while he steeled himself for another dose of bullshit.

"Don't think you're gettin' off that easily. There's a problem that needs dealing with."

"What problem?! I wasn't talking to him!"

The guy on the right was kind of lanky with a thin face. He stooped down real close, brows knitting high into his forehead.

"Don't you know what it's like out there?" He paused, either expecting a legitimate answer from Naruto or just for dramatic effect. Naruto was sorely tempted to spit in his lazy eye. "Take one foot out of this country, and pretty much everyone wants you dead. Can you imagine the toll that takes on a person? You can't, can you? Sometimes, to get some peace of mind, you got to take care of all threats around you."

 _No._ Naruto wrenched away, but the teen's grip only increased. Naruto gripped at his wrist but it was like trying to move a stone column.

The world shook and turned black when pain ballooned inside his head. An ache across the back of his head followed shortly after. He blinking against the pressure, Naruto peered up to his left to see the middle guy cracking his knuckles. The left guy circled around and grabbed his other arm, holding him up.

He wound back his fist, grinning. "But mainly, you just hurt my feelings." He smashed his fist across Naruto's brow bone, and began screaming his head off.

Wincing through the throbbing pain, Naruto saw the asshole clutching his wrist. The knuckles that touched him, they looked as if they'd been burned with a hot iron.

There was fear in his eyes.

_Why?_

Did they really think he was a friggin' threat?

"Hey! What's wrong?!"

Disdain was common.

"I,I don't know."

Indignance and suspicion were common, too. Revulsion was like the furikake on his bowl of rice; he only got it a handful of times, and it was way too extra for him.

"You don't know?! Then stop acting like a pussy!"

Their outright denial of his existence, that he was nothing more than an inconvenience at best, and a potential zero one patient at worst, it never made any sense to him. He didn't look like all the other kids, sure. But if he covered his cheeks with his hands, could they tell? Some kids were outright brats in the marketplace, crying and screaming for more of the same, they just never got enough. Did they see him pulling that shit? No. He could be the most earnest friggin' person in a damn room, offering to help or listen, but no. They ran away.

And now what? Now people were going to start being afraid of him?

The guy pulled his arm back, sweat dotted his forehead.

The next hit did it.

All three teens screamed, the two holding him jumped away and Naruto fell onto his back.

Dust kicked into his eyes and mouth as they sprinted off. The dust was such a strange bright red, like a poppy. No, it was catching red light.

Naruto lifted his right arm. A red glow hovered around his hand like a glove. And then it was gone.

Naruto jackknifed upright, heart pounding in his ears.

_That was real._

_That had to have been real._

_It was red, though. Nobody else has red, right?_

"Nobody else has red…" Naruto sucked in a breath. Sneaky elation pulled his lips high into his cheeks. He pumped two fists in the air, chest trembling because the relief was unbearably foreign. "I HAVE SOMETHING SPECIAL!"


	9. You Don't Know Me At All

Something has been rubbing Hanabi the wrong way lately.

She goes to confirm her concerns as she follows her five-and-a-half year old sister throughout the day.

Hinata's day begins with light reading. Father has ordered Natsu to gradually phase out her picture books with more educational material. When Hinata is done, it's off to the next thing and Hanabi takes a moment to investigate their contents.

' _Essential Introduction of the World'_ , written no less by a particular nationlist author. Grandfather's choice, most likely. Flipping through the pages, the majority of it was dedicated to Hi no Kuni, while the other countries were crammed onto the final two pages with paltry descriptions beside their respective maps.

' _Flora of Hi no Kuni'_ , a compendium emphasizing on herbalism. There were footnotes on flower meanings, ceremonial uses were listed, which plants thrive in which biome and which season they were ready for picking. A few pages were dedicated to the traditional combinations used by shinobi of the Warring States Era, from topical medicines to poisons.

Hanabi's Cultural Refinement instructor had once taken all the trainee kunoichi out to a meadow to pick flowers for ikebana. A painfully pointless lesson, for sure. Was Hinata being given the same sort of training now?

Hanabi found Hinata sitting on the engawa facing the garden. A young man not of their family with dark hair and wearing shades was holding a glass covered board containing an arrangement of pinned insects, from a caterpillar to a pupa, ending with a bright blue butterfly.

_Now she's getting an Entomology lesson?_

Hinata pointed at the butterfly.

"That one likes the bandicoot berry flowers. It was trying to find some, but we don't have them here in the garden."

The young man praised her, apparently impressed by her outside knowledge.

Natsu arrive, escorting Hinata to her next lesson.

It was the dojo.

Hanabi's heart thumped, trepidation and excitement intermingling. Only to find several sheets of blank paper spread across these sacred grounds and an inkwell and brush seated beside them. An elegant woman in fine robes sat poised on her ankles. She directed Hinata through the _Shodo_ lesson.

Hanabi's shoulders sagged.

_If only she were learning storage ninjutsu._

Instead Hinata was tasked with practicing the entire syllabary before being asked to create her own _sosho_ style phrase.

By the end of it, Hinata's hands were covered in ink and Natsu had taken her outside to wash them before lunch.

Hanabi stood propped up against the wall facing Neji's side of the compound, arms crossed and her Byakugan activated. She watched Natsu and Hinata make lunch together. When they were done, they exited the kitchen several rooms down. They were coming this way.

The moment they neared, Hanabi deactivated the chakra to her eyes.

"Hanabi-neesama! Let's have lunch together!"

Hanabi took a moment to process the invitation. "Who else with?"

Hinata tilted her head. "I want to have lunch with Hanabi-neesama."

Hanabi's expression remained stoic, but inside she was jumping. "Of course you do."

Sitting in the half-shade along the engawa, Hanabi eyed the onigiri caricature of her likeness, smug grin and all. Turning the face towards Natsu and Hinata, she said. "Does this really look like me?"

They both nodded in unison.

Hinata chirped. "'Nee-sama looks the most happy that way."

Natsu elaborated. "Whenever you give your best performance, that's the smile you show."

Gazing at her caricature, Hanabi recalled the last spar between her and Neji when he tried to take her out right in front of her father. He had a crooked smile and a jagged sort of misery in his eyes. But he looked damned proud of himself all the same. Perhaps the Hyuuga, in their moment of triumph, had their own particular shade of arrogance, some blacker than others.

After lunch, Hanabi trailed behind Natsu and Hinata when their father appeared.

The latter two bowed and continued on. Hanabi stayed behind, keeping her father in place with a hard stare.

He gestured towards the room next to them, and they took a seat inside so they could talk.

* * *

 

"When is she receiving her kunoichi training?"

Hiashi eyed his heir, taking into consideration how quickly she had cut to the point. Perhaps tact was not being trained hard enough into his budding tactician. He mentally filed away a note to supplement her cultural refinement lessons.

That aside, she was clearly burning for answers.

"Your grandfather and I made a deal."

She looked at him like he was some shady huckster.

"A deal."

Hiashi nodded once. "This training suits her better." The truth was, there was nothing else Hinata was suited for. Raise her up right, and maybe someday he could marry her off.

Hanabi seemed to be of the groupthink that there was nothing else outside of shinobi work. Nothing so honorable, at least.

"Is something wrong with her?"

Hiashi's been keeping a close eye on his youngest. Natsu has been diligent to report her health and any unusual behaviors to him nightly after Hinata has been tucked into bed. It's inconclusive so far, but he's loathed to admit that he does not want to take any risks.

"Hanabi. A queen ant has many subjects. Not all of her soldiers are the same. I won't discard your dear sister unless there is absolutely nothing for her."

"But you'll seal her."

Hiashi said nothing.

Hanabi jumped to her feet, disregarding all pretense. This was her father and they were talking about her sister. This wasn't a meeting between clan heads or high ranking officials. This was their future.

"So you're not going to seal her?!"

Hiashi could see the way his decisions clashed with her belief system, just watching the indignance grow in her unbidden snarl.

Then she composed herself, but her glare was icy.

"Grandfather did not approve of this."

"He did."

Hanabi palmed her face with both hands.

"You still haven't told me what's wrong with her," Her hands fell away, balling up at her sides. "Is is because she's Konoha's Number One Crybaby?! She can toughen up if you just let her!"

Toughness of mind, toughness of heart. These things were mandatory if nothing else, but they weren't everything. Hinata was weak, plain and simple. Nothing would change that.

"She will be a burden among Konoha's ranks."

"She already is if you leave her this way!" They both could stare at each other all they wanted, but from the very day Hinata had been born, her future had been set in stone. Hiashi needed his eldest to realize that. Hanabi scoffed. "A civilian Hyuuga. What a novel idea. I never knew you to be an optimist, father."

Hiashi withheld the need to sigh. She certainly didn't get her stubbornness from her mother. "She isn't like you. Nor any of us. You know this. She doesn't have it in her."

He watched the way all her irritation evaporated right off her shoulders, allowing dismal anxiety to seep into those vacated crevices. Did she understand now?

"Please embrace the time you will have together. For as long as you will have it."

* * *

 

Naruto's been staring at his hands.

He's been waiting for a flicker of red.

Seems like the secret source of his power is a shy one.

It's been hours. The village is a muted gray beneath a melon pink sky as the sun slowly rises.

He has class in three hours. Too amped up by his discovery, he couldn't think of falling asleep, couldn't bother to tend to his bruises either.

Naruto cupped his chin and squeezed his eyes shut, racking his brain as hard as he could.

Every detail was crucial.

He had been punching that post for about three hours. Usually he couldn't go longer than an hour before his attention tugged him elsewhere, like having a new prank idea and wanting to find out what jutsu would help him with that.

The difference last night was that he was driven. His drive primarily fueled by anger and desperation. Each new thought was another splash of oil on an already raging fire, and he had focus for once. True focus.

But then he had bothered to stop, hadn't he? Stopping seemed bad. Detrimental even. A fancy word he picked up from Iruka after all these years.

Then what happened?

He ran into those guys. They threatened him. For no other reason than that they felt like it. And they were really going to beat him up.

Getting pushed around was one thing. Being denied a sale or outright swindled at the market, that was another stupid thing. The evidence that he was somehow unlikeable, from the guarded body language to the simmering hostility underneath, all those whispers they thought he couldn't hear (or maybe they didn't care if he did), these things were the dense briars in a dark forest that sliced his skin. These were the things that scarred him.

But never had he gotten in a situation like that before.

Maybe there was a drunkard once, a belligerent one, but Naruto had been too quick for him.

And losing fights that he picked himself just weren't the same.

Those guys were going to hold him down until they didn't need to anymore.

And then… and then… That guy swung at him. And then he screamed. And he looked like he had burned his hand.

So, fire?

Did he have a fire affinity?

Naruto hopped off his bed and performed the same hand seals he'd seen Sasuke perform countless of times.

Stopping short of Tiger, Naruto realized he shouldn't do this inside his apartment.

* * *

 

This was his favorite spot.

Right up here on the flat part of Mount Hokage. Well, his other spot was the foremost spike of the Yondaime's hair, but here he could put the village out of sight and out of mind.

Going through the seals again, Naruto finished on Tiger and waited.

He tried again.

And again.

The air felt reasonably warmer, but otherwise no fire.

Clutching his hair, Naruto threw his head back.

"Oh, come on! What made you come out?!"

Naruto spun round and gazed over the edge of the cliff, down at the place he apparently called home.

It was like a shallow dirt well carved in the middle of a sea of algae. From up here, he could see which neighborhoods were nicer and which weren't. His wasn't.

How did he get here?

Were his parents bad people?

Was that it?

Was he just left behind by some petty criminals?

Maybe this wasn't his real village. Maybe his nationality was elsewhere.

Maybe he was meant to be a sleeper agent. Maybe his parents were found out and immediately sentenced to death.

Maybe the sight of him was disgusting for a reason, after all.

That would make sense, wouldn't it? It almost made too much sense.

Naruto wandered further left, towards the Yondaime's likeness and he thought.

He took a step closer, and he thought.

He climbed down, shuffling up to the point of the Yondaime's hair spike.

His classroom. He could see it from here. The Hokage's office as well. When he becomes a genin, he'll have to pass by the academy to turn in his reports. He'll always be reminded.

Like a ripple across dark water, this feeling of certainty spreads throughout his body.

He knows now what he needs to do to make it come out.

* * *

 

Shikamaru doesn't know what he would do if he lived in the desert. It rarely rains, so there are no clouds to enjoy. He also doesn't know what he would do if he lived in a place that only rained. Or a place that only snowed. In places like those the clouds were an impenetrable sheet of gray that congested the sky. Weather like that also made him congested.

But perhaps if he did grow up elsewhere, he would have likely enjoyed something exclusive to those regions.

Ame was a bankrupt nation with no leadership. Living there had to be dismal. But maybe the rain was beautiful. Maybe at the right time, the land looked as though it were imprisoned by millions of glass wires.

Tetsu was frigid and unforgiving. Supposedly in colder regions there's nothing to do for fun but drink. But the snow would fall at different speeds, at different angles. Maybe in a place like that, Shikamaru would never get bored of looking at it.

In any case, he had the clouds.

Midsummer had great clouds, too. A billowing, bulbous Cumulus congestus currently towered over the Hokage Monument, crawling towards them like a great snail. It was then, when the shadows passed and light touched upon the Yondaime's face that Shikamaru saw a small figure up there.

Shikamaru rose up from his seat to get a closer look.

"Shikamaru? What is it?"

His teacher's question barely registered.

A particular memory rushed to the forefront of his mind, the feeling of his body moving on its own as the vacuous blond had nearly crashed to the ground from the school roof.

So what the hell was he doing up there?!

"That klutz!" Shikamaru fled the classroom, oblivious to everything around him.

"Shikamaru! Where are you going?!" Iruka's cry was drowned out, his students yelping and gasping all at once.

They all scrambled towards the windows, and Iruka looked too.

He dropped his lesson plan, the meager stacks smacking against the wooden floor.

"NARUTO!"

* * *

 

What the hell was going on?

Naruto gazed down at the observation deck, currently swarmed by his classmates and Sensei.

They were pushing and shoving, screaming and shouting. He couldn't hear a damn thing they were saying.

Iruka-sensei rushed to the front and cupped his mouth.

"NARUTO! WALK BACK SLOWLY! PLEASE!"

Naruto faltered, which he just learned not too long ago was bad for him. He couldn't get interrupted anymore. He couldn't get distracted anymore. And he absolutely would not waver. Not for anything.

Naruto balled up his fists and screamed. "JUST GO AWAY! LET ME DO THIS!"

"Do you need to talk?!"

"What?!"

"If you just come down, we can talk, okay?!"

Naruto soaked in his Sensei's words but none of it made sense. Why would they talk? Was there something to talk about? It's not like Iruka-sensei made talking easy for him, anyways. He was shifty sometimes, like fidgety. Other times he was faking it up with the biggest grin and the most basic of platitudes. Then he'd top it off with a nagging reminder to focus on his school work. Of course, he never had to do any of this for his other students. They weren't failures. No one had to worry about their progress.

And for such talented classmates who didn't know what it was like to be insecure, Naruto sure had to wonder: Why did they all look so afraid?

_Oh, I get it._

They knew.

Somehow, word got around already.

They were afraid of his potential!

Naruto grit his teeth and stood his ground.

"I'M DONE TALKING, SENSEI!"

* * *

 

 

_Shit!_

Iruka glanced over to the footpath that zigzagged across the monument's expanse, immediately stopping over Shikamaru who was sprinting up the path. He was only a third of the way there.

_Please get there, Shikamaru._

Iruka gripped the rail lining the deck as he redirected his attention back to Naruto.

He never showed up after lunch yesterday. So many of Iruka's students had shrugged their shoulders, others commented that he's skipped before so it wasn't unusual.

Yes, Iruka knew he skipped from time to time. He also knew Naruto seemed to be in increasing discomfort, but Iruka never got the chance to approach him in private.

The boy was too proud, after all.

Too proud, perhaps, to even open his apartment door last night when Iruka came to check on him.

Or perhaps…

_I should've waited longer for him to get home. No, I should've gone out to look for him! If only I'd gone back to wake him up, he wouldn't be up there! We could've talked!_

But there was more Iruka knew he could've done. The list only grew longer as his mind flipped over every memory like rocks hiding secret answers beneath.

Could've, would've, should've.

And now all that might not matter anymore.

* * *

 

"This has to be a new low for him," Ino said, crossing her arms. If she didn't cross her arms, she might start wringing her hair instead, and that wouldn't be a good look for her. "He's really got to be the center of attention, doesn't he?"

Sakura, who has been working on reining in her temper (and the knee-jerk remarks that came with it), did not deign Ino's comments with a reply.

Naruto had been as annoying as ever yesterday. He just couldn't stop fidgeting and she'd been really biting her tongue not to yell at him.

Part of her was so glad she didn't, otherwise she might believe this was her fault.

* * *

 

Sasuke wondered what tomorrow was going to be like.

Three years ago, he never would have thought 'My parents are going to die tomorrow.' He never would have prepared himself for it even if someone had warned him.

No, back then whenever he had looked forward to tomorrow, it was for good things, simple things.

'Tomorrow I'm going to play with Aneki!'

'Tomorrow we're going to catch cats for Nekobaa!'

'Tomorrow I'm going with mother to visit my grandparents at her home village.'

'Tomorrow I'm going to ask Aneki to teach me to hunt.'

'Tomorrow I'll make father proud this time. And he'll definitely say 'As expected of my son.''

Those tomorrows, more often than not, had turned out to be crappy todays, and even crappier yesterdays when a pattern of neglect had emerged. But even then, he had expected things to get better.

And that's what they had said to him, the Hokage and others. On the very day when things couldn't get any worse, they told him 'It will get better'.

Sasuke didn't need to wonder 'has anyone told him things will get better?' He didn't need to think 'If only someone else tried harder'. He already knows that nothing works. No one else knows what you need but yourself. No one else can fix you but yourself.

Maybe Naruto figured out he couldn't fix anything. This was just like him then; To do the stupidest, bravest, most obnoxious thing, with everyone's eyes on him at the very end.

Sasuke crossed his arms and diverted his gaze to the ground.

Well, it was a good thing it was Shikamaru going up there and not him.

Sasuke closed his eyes, frowning.

Because he knew, he would've been no help at all.

* * *

 

Hanabi stood behind Iruka-sensei, silent and small, the second smallest in the entire class.

The smallest one was way up there. And yet he still had the biggest mouth.

"YOU'RE ALL JUST TRYING TO HOLD ME BACK! WELL, YOU CAN KISS MY ASS!"

Iruka-sensei slapped at the rail. "NARUTO! YOU DON'T NEED TO DO THIS!"

Hanabi side-eyed her panicked and impassioned academy instructor. He was doing his damnedest to keep the lout from doing anything rash, but couldn't he see that the boy's footing up on that spire was confident and secure?

No, he couldn't. Because he didn't have the Byakugan.

Zooming in on that glutton-for-attention, Hanabi saw only impatience and agitation in his twitchy arms and bared teeth. He didn't have _that look_. The type of look when death would be a blessing.

Speaking of twitchy arms, his right arm was functioning again. Perhaps her chakra had dissipated entirely. The melting aspect could not be controlled, so she honestly had no idea what the full affects would have looked like.

She had just wanted to get back at him.

What was so bad about that?

Regardless, should they fail today, all morale may be lost.

Shikamaru had three kilometers left till he reached his target.

Hanabi approached the front. "Iruka-sensei," He turned towards her, the depth of regret in his eyes making her insides twist. But she ignored it. Emotions were distracting. "Hear me out."

Considering his student for a moment, Iruka nodded.

* * *

 

Okaaay, now what was happening?

Iruka-sensei had barked some orders to the mob of ten-year-olds behind him. Having run back to class and exited the main gates, twenty-nine students hurried to the base of the mountain carrying an enormous blue tarp with them.

Then they pulled the tarp open, laying it down at full size and Choji arrived to lay down in the center of it.

Naruto winced at these strange turn of events before turning around. Because that's what they wanted, right? He'll definitely have to try this again at night, when no one will bother him.

He thought that at least, until he stopped cold at the sight of Shikamaru, his hands formed in the Rat.

Naruto watched as the young Nara's shadow snaked towards his.

Naruto looked back at Shikamaru.

"Nice try."

He slipped off the side of the spire, knowing he'll never forget that look on Shikamaru's face.

Like he'd just been stabbed in the gut.

* * *

 

Naruto put his hands together in the Ram, the wind colliding harder against his thin frame as he plummeted down. More and more, it threatened to steal his breath, so he turned, making sure his back was taking the brunt of the force.

"C'mon! C'mon! C'mon, c'mon, c'mon, c'mon, c'mon!"

He wasn't sure if he could feel any power building. He wasn't sure he could feel anything aside from the wind drying his eyes, nor hear anything beyond the dizzying chorus of screams echoing off the mountain wall.

There was a sound that he couldn't ignore, like that of a giant bird flapping its impossible wings.

Before he knew it, he smacked into something squishy, so squishy that he began to sink into it.

Whatever this was, it felt wrong and he hated it.

* * *

 

Naruto struck Choji's giant belly like a projectile shot into dough.

Choji's eyes rolled back into his head.

And Naruto was repelled higher into the air.

Cries of dismay and panic echoed down below.

Well, whoever came up with this genius plan had to be kicking themselves right now.

Iruka, who remained up on the Observation Deck, was freaking out.

"HANABI!"

Refusing to listen to what she didn't already know, she maintained her cool. "We'll just have to try again! Ready the Akimichi!"

"Choji's passed out, you maniac!" Ino shrieked, holding Choji's head in her lap.

Hanabi waved off her complaints. "Then you better put that mind of yours to good use."

"But I don't know how to Multi-size!" Ino shot to her feet, letting Choji's poor head smack against the ground.

"Ino!"

The blonde turned up towards her Sensei, resisting the need to press her palms against her burning eyes. All of a sudden the pressure was on her now and she didn't know what to do.

"Memorize this!" Iruka performed the sequence, as he has seen Choji practice it so often before. "I just need you to expand his arms and hands. I need you to launch me up."

"I,It's not going to work!"

Iruka slammed his fist on the rail. "Ino!"

Naruto was descending again, and fast.

"FINE!" She formed a triangle at Choji's unconscious form. Her limp body fell into Sakura's ready arms. In a matter of seconds, Choji rose up. Ino performed the sequence, praying to god that what she needed to happen would happen, and she shrieked as Choji's arms inflated and sank to the dirt like two columns of concrete. She cupped the left hand with the right and flattened his thumbs like she were ready to serve up a ball.

Iruka jumped down from the deck, he crouched poised atop the massive hands ready to send him skywards.

"Steady…"

Choji's face crumpled. "Sensei, I can't hold this for much longer."

Iruka was taking everything into account: Naruto's rate of descent. The likelihood of injury for them both if Iruka jumped too soon. And lastly, how soon Shikamaru could get his shadow in position to capture theirs.

Thankfully that cloud had all but completely moved away from the monument, allowing the sun to cast long shadows from the jaws of the four Hokages. All he needed to do was touch the rockface. Hopefully Shikamaru's shadow could cancel out the impact.

"Iruka-sensei!"

"Ino, now!"

Iruka rocketed through the air, eyes trained on Naruto, the boy's hands locked in the Ram.

Has he been trying to save himself?

Nothing was happening.

His techniques always failed.

Why did he have to be so stubborn?!

Iruka caught him like a goldfish in a paper scoop, but he was lucky, because Naruto never slipped through.

Iruka flipped forward then straightened his legs to plant his feet against the rockface. Fifty-fifty chance he walks away with two broken ankles if he couldn't land this right.

Striking the monument, a shockwave ratcheted up Iruka's ankles. It felt like spikes of iron were being hammered up his legs, up his pelvis and into his head. The weight in his arms nearly rolled out, and he refastened his embrace on the small blond.

Iruka peeked through one eye, seeing his shadow connected to Shikamaru's who stood just on the edge beside the Sandaime's hair.

Iruka resisted openly sighing.

But they did it.

Naruto was safe.

* * *

 

There were no taking turns to yell at him. They had ambushed him all at once.

"Why would you do that?!"

"What is your problem?!"

"Do you ever think of anyone other than yourself?!"

Naruto backed into the rockface, nails digging into his palms as he glared to the side at the ground.

He couldn't believe this. The lengths they would go to just to stop him. Their teamwork and skill; What once would have inspired him like nothing else now only left him hollow.

Iruka was crouched before him, grasping his shoulders, trying to keep him in place. But Naruto couldn't look at him, least of all acknowledge the way the man was wincing. Yeah, Naruto felt the impact. Sensei must have landed pretty hard on his feet. A shinobi knows how to land lightly when traveling across distances, but not for being a human arrow.

"Naruto. Naruto, look at me."

No. He wouldn't.

"Naruto, someday you'll learn to walk up sheer surfaces, but you can't _now_. So please, please don't go doing that again!"

_So you're saying I can't do anything. You're telling me not to try. Am I just wasting my time with you all?_

Naruto stared over Iruka's shoulder, sizing up each and every student who dared to hold him back.

"You're all a bunch of show-offs."

Iruka shot to his feet, rearing his hand back. Naruto flinched.

Daring a peek, he saw Iruka-sensei's hand hovering short of his left cheek. Naruto stared back at his teacher, like a pup who didn't recognize his master anymore.

Iruka's gaze trembled. He awkwardly retracted his hand, carefully closing it into a fist before sheathing it into his pocket.

He cleared his throat and turned towards his students. "You all did well," He began, such praise sounding hollow from one sounding so exhausted. "Please return home for the day. We will resume again tomorrow."

They all turned around, shuffling as a herd of careful murmurs.

Naruto's mind screamed at his legs to move. He didn't want to be alone with him right now. He didn't want to talk.

"Naruto…" Iruka trailed off, as if he truly had nothing to say.

Naruto swallowed, as if that would help make the tension pass. Nope, it was still there. Stuck in his throat like bitter melon juice.

Iruka's tone changed. "... You're about a full day behind. You're not allowed to leave my sight until all your work is complete."

Naruto had no idea what possessed him to follow his teacher back to class.

But adults had all the power, didn't they?

* * *

 

Naruto's barely gotten halfway through his first late work when Iruka tries to talk with him again.

The classroom feels wrong when it's empty. It feels too large and he thinks without everyone here, his deepest, loudest thoughts could somehow be heard and he didn't want that.

Naruto's got his walls up as he keeps his eyes glued to his work and his hands busy writing answers and taking notes. Iruka's cupping his elbows as he stands before Naruto, almost hovering like a sentry.

"Naruto, if things are that bad, I want you to tell me."

Naruto face pinched as he clenched his jaw, refusing to give in.

He thought he got it before. He thought he understood, but he had been so off the mark. He really was a screw up. No matter what he did, they'd all just get the wrong idea about him.

When Iruka got onto his knees, forcing himself into Naruto's periphery, the blond faltered. To make up for it, he overcompensated, crushing the tip of his pencil into the paper, ripping a small hole open.

Naruto dropped his pencil on the desk and steadied his breath. "Sensei. You're messing me up."

"Sorry. Sorry." Iruka rose up and circled back to his podium. And yet, he floundered to find something to busy himself with.

The five stacks of completed schoolwork eventually turned into twenty, then forty, when a hopeless whine met Iruka's ears.

"I can't go on. I can't do this anymore."

Iruka jolted out of his arrangement of tomorrow's lesson plan, throwing it to the floor as he rushed towards Naruto who lay slumped over the desk, only to be stopped by a drawn out grumble emitted from his stomach.

Iruka tried to soothe his nerves as he rubbed the bridge of his nose, sighing deeply.

"Alright, let's take a break here."

* * *

 

Naruto hates this.

Even the mood is souring his ramen.

Honestly, if the situation had been different, he might have been moved. He might have been happy. But having this much concern and this much attention showered over him, only because Iruka-sensei was doing his job (or was scared he'd been doing a bad job of it), was a pyrrhic victory. No, Naruto didn't want to be pitied.

Iruka laces his fingers and props his elbows atop the counter, and Naruto is cautiously reminded of the last time they spoke, when Naruto had come to him for advice and knowledge on how to best Hanabi. The sight just makes him lose his appetite a little.

"Naruto, if this is my fault at all, if I pushed you too hard-" Iruka cut himself off the moment Naruto gave him a strange look, all bitter, confused and disinterested. Iruka cleared his throat. "Look, you can still be a respectable shinobi without being the Hokage," Now Naruto had gone and rolled his eyes. "I was only trying to inspire you, I didn't mean to-"

"Okay!"

Iruka reeled back, now fussing over whether he was making things worse instead of better. He froze under the weary gaze of his student, a bit of vulnerability showing through the cracks.

Naruto looked away, forcing himself to finish his bowl. He picked up his chopsticks. He picked at his chashu pork, dragging it around in the broth.

"Can we just drop it already?"

* * *

 

Naruto sits along the threshold of his balcony, one leg in his shadowy apartment and the other out in the dimming sunlight.

The tepid air ruffles his hair, and traces his skin.

He feels suspended in his own existence.

Did they all really think he wanted to die?

Did they all peg him as that type of loser?

He didn't even know what it felt like to want to end it all. And he wasn't the least bit curious to find out.

But there was no way to make them see, was there?

Even his own Sensei refused to believe him.

On top of everything that he was - a prankster, a failure, a walking punchline and punching bag to boot - now he was apparently suicidal. That had to be the biggest joke of all. That crap couldn't be further from his mind.

Naruto craned his head back and closed his eyes. He lightly tapped the back of his head against the doorframe, knocking a little harder until it started to hurt. Then he stopped.

He didn't want to care what they thought anymore.

Honest to god, he didn't.

Raising his right hand up to inspect in the red light of sundown, Naruto squinted.

He still had work to do.


	10. Maybe I'm a Different Breed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has been updated with moderate revisions.

There was a time when Naruto didn't have his little rent-controlled apartment. Back then he didn't know where he belonged. Not that much has really changed.

"Naruto!" Her sharp cry stabbed his spine with needles of anxiety. With a jolt he dropped the red crayon. "Oh, you've done it now!"

The wall he had just scribbled on said 'TAKE ME HOME TOO', etched with such hard lines and angles it resembled stone scratchings.

One look at the red-faced nurse and her outstretched claws and four-year-old Naruto flinched away from her grab, hurrying to safety.

"Good! Now you stay there!"

Safety was the corner of the room furthest away from the windows, from the playmat where all the toys laid and the little tables for lunch time. Furthest from the door where all the adults crossed. There was no color here in this corner, and everything sounded muted, distant. From what few children came into the hospital to occupy the room, their casual laughter and interactions taunted him from being so close, yet so out of reach.

Naruto snuck a peek over his shoulder at the nurse, her scowl bearing down him and her hands on her hips, then he whipped his head away, staring back into the corner like he was supposed to.

"Unbelievable. Now I have to clean _this_ up."

And so she did, after retrieving items from the hospital's utility closet.

He heard her grunt and cuss under her breath as she scrubbed against the walls.

'Stuck with this brat' was one of the things she uttered. 'Can't be normal' was another. "They're _all_ sweet but you."

He blinked back tears, riding out the storm as she worked further and further away, until she was finally done.

Then it was quiet.

He could hear their feet trampling along the floor, their spirited squeals as a chase ensued.

He heard their playtime stop as the door opened again.

Two pairs of feet entered, heavy, definitely belonging to adults. The squeal of that little girl confirmed this.

"Mommy! Daddy!" He could hear her run up to them.

"Aw, sweetie, were you having fun? I'm sorry to take you away from your friends."

'Friends'. He certainly wasn't one of them.

"No, no, it's okay. I'd rather play with them when they get outside, too."

'Outside'. The place where Parents came from.

"Hey, what's this?! Did you get hurt?"

Well, even if he made it out there, he still wouldn't be her friend.

"Can we go?"

She never talked to him again after that incident.

He wanted to mimic an animal after seeing them do it too. He had gotten on all fours and growled. He might have gotten a little too into it. He might have bitten her.

_"If you're gonna act like an animal, then expect to be treated like one." The nurse said, pushing him into the empty, unused closet._

He remembered what it was like to be sealed in darkness.

He remembered hugging his knees and waiting.

He remembered crying to be let out. His stomach hurt and he was scared.

He remembered how heavy his pants felt and how itchy his legs were hours after he'd peed himself.

Naruto sniffled loudly, as if recomposure was just something he could take into his body. But his lips continued to wobble, his insides continued to tremble.

The door shut closed as yet another child left for the Outside.

He wished she never erased his message.

He wished they'd let him scream when he needed to scream, and laugh when he was able to laugh.

The nurses always shushed him, grabbed him or shook him when he was getting carried away.

Be normal.

Be sweet.

Be anything but Naruto.

* * *

 

He bounded over the darkened rooftops, landing on all fours when he reached an ideal vantage point in the heart of the village.

The silvery moonlight revealed an inverted Konoha, a Konoha that was deathly quiet, save for the lone happy drunk howling off-key into the night, swinging his sake jug by its rope like a little girl skipping along with her dollie.

Does it really work like that? Does alcohol really make you happy like that?

He supposed his last encounter wasn't much to go on. Most people were pissed to see him when they were sober, so he shouldn't be surprised that his existence was an actual buzzkiller.

Since he didn't have a 'Naruto' of his own, he imagined he might never have to worry about his future dabbling in delirium getting ruined.

But being almost eleven didn't make him old enough. He wasn't even a genin yet, though he wondered if that would still be frowned upon too.

Being a shinobi, you can do almost anything, right? You literally get a license to kill, after all.

Naruto pulled his eyes away from the happy man, reminding himself to stay on task.

He had a special power to unlock.

* * *

 

Idle conversation wafted up from down below, and Naruto spied three men in plain clothes, kicking it back on a stack of lumber and passing around a jar of sake.

No matter how he sliced it, he only needed to replicate one thing: Piss them off enough to hurt him. That would make the crimson chakra come out.

He hesitated, ducking back into the darkness of the rooftop.

But what if it didn't?

What if it was inconsistent?

What if he had to keep doing this?

He spun round, gritting his teeth, pressing his clenched fists against his forehead.

Could his bad rep tank any further than this?

Did he really have much to lose?

He headed back for the ledge, slipping his right hand into his pouch. He wrapped his fingers around the hilt of the kunai, sucking down air, his heart racing beyond his control.

What if that had been a trick of the eye?

What if he'd only imagined it?

He bounced on the balls of his feet and shook his arms out, before getting back into stance.

"Time to find out for sure."

He chucked the kunai. It landed further than intended.

"Crap!"

One of the men stood up to inspect what landed in the shadows. This lured the man beneath Naruto. He bent down and pulled the kunai from the ground, turning towards his friends and showing them. He opened his big mouth, but Naruto couldn't have that.

"'Ey! 'Ey!" One of the other men shot up, waving his hands frantically over his head. "Shou, look out!"

Too late.

Naruto slammed both feet into the back of that guy's head, forcing him face-first to the ground. Naruto then somersaulted backwards, enveloping himself in darkness.

He clutched his aching chest, blood pounding in his face, his ears.

Both men ran up to their friend. The third crouched down, trying to shake his friend awake. The other stared him right in the eyes.

From that man's perspective, all he saw were piercing eyes peering at him.

"Did I do something wrong?" Naruto huffed, barely able to work out a proper laugh.

"You're damn right you did." The man strode forward, fingers curling at his sides.

"Did I really? I'm kind of slow, s,so you'll have to make sure I understand, y'know?"

He reached Naruto. His hand flew and he gripped Naruto's face. His hard, rough fingers were like steel rods crushing his cheeks and the man just held him there.

"I don't understand why he allows you to live."

Wow, that was a new one. First time getting how they all felt about him in such a concise statement.

Naruto attempted to pry off his hand. He tugged and wrenched, but that only encouraged bruises, not freedom. His grip was amazing.

And Naruto couldn't make a comeback in this state.

The other man, the one he kicked down, he pushed himself into a sitting position, his free hand gripping the back of his head.

"Hold him down, Jiro." He said, wobbling onto his feet.

A thread of blood ran down his temple, alongside the inner edge of his nose and dripped off his chin.

The man gripping his face slid behind Naruto, wrapping his arm around the boy's jaw, his other hand firmly gripping his head by his hair.

It bubbled up, slipping out his throat and from his eyes; he overflowed with dread.

Naruto whimpered and twisted as the two men approached, eyeing him with a vengeance. He kicked his legs as hot tears washed down his face.

What if it really didn't happen?

He couldn't feel anything.

It wasn't coming out.

He was going to die.

He shut his eyes and shook his head, though he could barely move from the headlock.

_It's gonna be okay. It's gonna work. It's got to work._

A sob broke free and he never hated himself more.

"Really, kid, man up," the injured man said, raising his kunai up to his eyes. "You have only yourself to blame."

No. No way. How was any of this his fault? How? He just wanted to fit in. He just wanted to stand out. If he could regret anything now, it was wasting all his heartache on people like these.

Naruto's claws sank into the man's forearm, his screams falling on deaf ears.

If Naruto had anything to regret, it was his rotten luck of being born here, in this tight-knit community of impenetrable bonds. There was no room for him. There never will be.

He could smell blood, feel the heat of it flow into his body.

He could see everything, every shape of the leaves as they swayed in the night, the edges of the buildings were clearer than ever.

And in the next second, he couldn't see anything.

He was sealed in darkness.

Naruto reached out, his palm resting against wood. Smooth, exactly like a table.

He searched, running his palms along the surface. His breath quickened when he could find no dent nor divot, no seam nor hole. It was like a perfect sphere.

No.

"... Let me out."

Nothing.

"Let me out."

Was anyone there?

Where the hell was he now?

"Let me out!"

He pounded his fist against his confinement. Then the other.

"LET ME OUT!"

* * *

 

There had also been a time, back there in the children's ward, when he got so fed up with getting in trouble without trying that he acted out. He got in trouble on purpose. He knew that one woman was on shift today. He knew she would put him in the closet again.

It never actually got that far, but he had ran out as soon as she was distracted.

Making it outside overwhelmed him. There were new smells, good ones, smells that made his tummy grumble. There were more sounds than he could process and every which way he wandered was full of people. Old, young, brawny, slim.

Lots of brown hair. Lots of dark eyes.

Some men marched in grey flak jackets, the back emblazoned with a white and red fan over a shuriken backing. Other men wore green flak jackets.

Occasionally he spotted lighter hair hair in the crowd, some brighter than most, but none like his. Some shades caught his eye and never let go.

Some adult men were carrying big packs on their backs like it contained their whole lives, while adult women carried bundles of food in their arms.

They were all starting to look at him.

Was that a good thing?

Did he look like anyone they knew?

He approached a woman bending down to pick up her child.

"Hey, do I have a dad? Or a mom somewhere?"

She scurried away from him, eyes wide as she gripped her child to her chest. She ran off.

He tried again. They shooed him away.

And again. This man spat on the ground and stomped off.

Then came the whispers. Rising up around him like cicadas in the peak of the summer heat. He recognized their sound when he would press against the windows at the hospital, trying to see if he could phase right through it. Or maybe it'd just pop off if he pressed hard enough.

He turned his face to the ground, eyes glued to his feet.

His stomach churned and groaned.

But he didn't want to go back there.

So he wandered to the edge of town. He found a stream. Streams have fish. And he did something else, the same thing he did to get put in the closet: He started a fire.

Then _he_ came along, emerging from the bushes as the sky darkened to deep blue overhead.

At the time he was Naruto's first friend. He didn't look at him strangely, and he seemed genuinely interested to be in the boy's presence.

He showed him how to skewer sticks through the fish, as if they were ribbons. And he showed him how to cook them, making sure that they roasted evenly.

There was a time back then when Naruto thought someone had to genuinely like him.

But when that same old man showed up to the children's ward a week later, dressed in the Hokage's robes, Naruto discarded that belief.

He was only ever doing his job.

* * *

 

Naruto glowered at the Hokage's hat laying atop the desk, his ankles and wrists shackled in wooden braces, and a ring of wood wrapped around his torso, binding his arms to his sides. The collar of his white shirt was stained brownish-red.

He rolled the metallic taste in his mouth, wondering how it got there and if it was his.

Glancing at the state of his palms, he figured he was here because he'd been caught with actual red hands.

But no cuts. In fact, nothing hurt. He felt completely fine. Drained in a lot of ways, but no pain, no aches.

Two of the three men stood towards the back, shackled from wrist to ankle.

Why did they get less restraints? Did no one really trust him?

Naruto glanced to his right, up into the hidden face of his jailor. He was an ANBU. A true shadow soldier hidden behind a dog mask. He was silent.

Naruto returned his attention back to the vacant desk.

They were waiting for the old man to arrive.

Naruto blew disappointment from his lips. It really wasn't supposed to end up like this. He didn't know if it worked, wasn't any closer to figuring out how it worked.

But somehow he was here. And somehow he was okay. So maybe it did happen. Maybe it did work.

But then… what if this really was all that chakra could do? Attack and defend when he couldn't do it himself. Like the smoke bomb he messed up in class. Did all he have to do was drop into the center of danger, get the slightest touch, then blow up?

He lips edged downwards.

Everyone uses their chakra precisely, like senbon and swords and whatnot.

No one gets impressed by a shinobi blowing themselves up.

The office's double doors finally opened.

Sarutobi Hiruzen made his way towards his desk, still dressed in his dark _jinbei_ nightwear. Sliding into his chair, he slipped the Hokage's hat over his head and laced his fingers together.

He stared coldly into Naruto's eyes, then shifted a chilly glance in the men's direction.

"I thought there were three men." He said.

"I've escorted the third to the hospital. He's being treated now."

Hiruzen looked towards his ANBU.

"Being treated for what exactly?"

"Scorch marks, ten shallow puncture wounds and a nasty bite."

Hiruzen briefly dropped his face into his palms, inhaling sharply before rising up with a lengthy sigh.

Naruto's heart thumped heavily, drumming the air from his lungs. _So this taste in my mouth…_ Naruto bent over despite the constraints and spat on the floor, gobs of saliva ribboned with red laying before his feet. The sight made his stomach lurch and he spat over and over again to get it all out.

He did again. How could go and do that again?

"I'm not an animal… I'm not…"

"He's dangerous!"

"Take him out of the village!" Both men cried out, fighting their shackles.

"Enough." His voice cut like steel through the air. "You know my ruling on this matter, and you agreed to it. Break it now, and there will be severe consequences."

They backed down, but the hate continued to swirl amongst their demoralized expressions.

Hiruzen's brows furrowed as he gazed into the far distance, deliberating over the next best course or action.

"Tenzo, have someone escort these two back home."

"Yes, Sandaime."

The ANBU took his leave, and somehow Naruto wished he had stayed.

If all three were let go, what would stop them from coming after him again?

_I started this._

_I don't remember doing any of that, though._

_But I threw that kunai. I started this._

_I don't bite people. I don't do that. I'm not an animal._

_No one cares. Wild animals get locked up._

"Naruto." Hiruzen called out.

"I,I'm sorry."

The air in the office changed.

Naruto tried to smother his hiccups as tears washed down his face. "I won't do it again."

Hiruzen's demeanor softened.

The double doors opened. The same ANBU re-entered with a chunin in tow.

The men's shackles receded out of existence, and the chunin showed them out, shushing them as they started muttering amongst themselves.

The double doors closed again and the ANBU returned to his post at Naruto's side. Naruto sniffled. He wished he could take this back. This power was useless just like him, wasn't it? Crap doesn't work. Not unless he thinks he's going to die. He was just a living bomb. Or a dud in most cases.

"Captain, the restraints will no longer be necessary," The old man said, and the wood wrapped around him began to recede out of existence as well. "I suppose you discovered something interesting recently, haven't you Naruto? And normally you're so quick to share me."

Naruto rubbed at his wrists. They didn't actually hurt, but he wanted to forget the sensation of handcuffs on his skin.

That particular tenderness when an adult shows interest in him sprouted from Hiruzen's initial response, warming him briefly. But it was killed instantly by his following words, and Naruto hung his head in shame.

"... sorry…"

"That power is tainted, Naruto."

The boy swallowed. "What if I sit under a waterfall?"

Hiruzen blinked rapidly. "What? No. No, that's not going to do anything."

 _Oh._ Too bad. He would've done it.

"You said you wouldn't do it again, right?"

Naruto eyes shifted to the side. He wasn't sure what he meant anymore. The kunai perhaps was extreme. Defenseless citizens minding their own, after all. Stomping a man headfirst into the ground? Definitely overdoing it. But the other stuff he didn't consciously do, though that was becoming a dealbreaker for him.

He limply bounced his shoulders. "I mean, I don't really… wanna be here again… like this." He gestured at the red stain with his chin.

"The feeling is mutual. So I need you to forget all about what you discovered and stay the cours-"

"Why's it tainted? How is it tainted? I don't get it."

Hiruzen sank back in his chair, releasing another lengthy sigh. "Because it's… pure hatred. It benefits you not."

Naruto processed this, thinking back to how he'd never seen anyone emit red chakra.

They weren't like him.

Even Sasuke had been loved. Hell, he was still loved far as Naruto could see.

"It's hatred."

"Yes."

"That's all it is?"

"Yes."

"... Can I go berserk?"

Hiruzen's mouth quirked into a slanted smile. "I'd rather you not. You are a good kid, Uzumaki Naruto, but you need to start becoming a good man."

Naruto looked up, then the ground drew his gaze again.

"So… other people… they have this, too?"

Hiruzen frowned. He cleared his throat. "Weaker hearts can succumb to it from time to time, yes."

"Oh." So he was just a bomb. One with an extra thin casing. "So what happens now?"

* * *

 

Another chunin had arrived and lead Naruto out of the office where he was to wait until further notice.

The Sandaime needed to speak with his ANBU.

Hiruzen perched his frown against the steeple of his hand. "Tenzo, I need you to continue observation. Make sure he stays out of trouble."

"Understood." Though he said that, the ANBU did not yet leave.

Hiruzen slanted him a look. "Have you a question?"

"Yes. Is keeping all of this a secret good for him? Aside from those looking for him, does it really make a difference?"

Hiruzen closed his eyes. "You were not born here, so I understand your confusion. I don't consider myself a gambler, Tenzo, but it has been my hope that the Kyuubi could go away quietly. That's how it's always been. When Shodai Hokage captured the bijuu and sold them as gifts to the neighboring countries, it was never his vision to weaponize them. You see, the Kyuubi had immediately been sealed into his wife. Whether it was his idea or hers, I do not know. The Uzumaki clan were known for two things: The invention and pioneering of Fuinjutsu, and their unnatural longevity. Lady Mito, therefore, was the ideal choice to be the demon's jailor. But Shodai would not see she step a single foot onto the battlefield."

"I see," said Tenzo. "So it is simply not the way here."

Hiruzen nodded. "Before Minato became the Yondaime, he had gengaged the Raikage and his partner in battle during the Third War. Now this boy was special, he told me. Much in the same way as was his wife, Uzumaki Kushina."

"The Raikage's partner is a jinchuuriki."

"Yes. When Kumo received their bijuu from Hashirama, they must have been itching to figure out how to exploit their immense power."

"Then we are behind. At least, that is how the other nations must see us."

Hiruzen pinned him a look. "The person responsible for unleashing the Kyuubi in the first place was Uchiha Madara. The Shodai's only concern was containing these monsters. A nasty bite is nothing compared to an entire village being razed."

"But you don't believe in copying Kumo's bijuu program. You don't think it would reverse the village's treatment towards him."

Hiruzen gazed at his desk, rubbing his mouth in deep thought.

"There was nothing I could do about that in the first place. The Yondaime was loved by everyone. You would think a father would forgive its newborn for causing the death of its mother, but the opposite happens more often than not. I do not wish for him to grow up hating himself for his parents' death, and I do not wish for him to live the life of a weapon. He deserves more than to be shackled by his past."

Hiruzen continued, his expression softening. "He's a lot like his mother. Minato had faith in his wife that she could overcome anything life threw at her. And I shall do the same."

* * *

 

Being walked home was different.

But it wasn't even a nice different.

Just another response to him being a screw up.

The ANBU captain seemed to blink in and out of existence as they strolled beneath the street lights.

One moment, a floating mask. The next, a fully capable assassin.

When he got home, he was going to burn his shirt, take an extra long shower and wash his mouth till his gums bled. Then again, they kind of already did that. But he'd rather be tasting his own blood, anyways.

Naruto sheathed his hands into his pockets. "So… what's your name?"

Nothing.

"How old are you?"

Ignored.

Naruto began to pick at right thigh. "Anything you like to do in your free time? You got free time, right?"

Denied.

"Ever been to Ichiraku? They got the best ramen. Well, they got the only ramen in the village. But I'm sure when I'm a genin, I'll never find better ramen outside the village, anyways! Oh, unless you have. Got any recommendations?"

Hiruzen had told Tenzo a bit about the Uzumaki clan. That they had been a vibrant, and open-hearted people. Their blood surely ran strong in this one.

"I don't eat oily food." He finally said.

"What?! 'Oily'?! You think all ramen is _kotteri_?! Shio and miso are my favorite, and they're _assari_. You can even dip the noodles in broth if you want. Haven't you tried _Tsukemen_?!"

Tenzo suppressed a sigh. "I have not."

"You at least like soba, right? I haven't met anyone that hates noodles."

"Sanbaku noodles are fine."

"No way! How can you eat that?! It's gotta be the soft and light kind, as if you're looking at the face of the girl you like!"

The ANBU looked at him, and Naruto squirmed into an indifferent facade, his cheeks pinkening despite himself.

"Uhh, nevermind."


	11. Gimme Shelter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, so I updated the previous chapter just a bit. The major rewrite is Hiruzen's talk with Yamato. Check it out if you'd like, though I'd personally appreciate it lol. Thank you.

Naruto laid in bed, arm draped over the side and face pressed to the mattress like he was fused to it. Like you couldn't even peel him off with a rope attached to him and a raging bull.  
  
The sun had broken over the horizon, bathing his apartment in a bleary pink. His eyes probably didn't look any better.  
  
The more he thought about the old man's words, the more illegitimate it all sounded in his head. The more he went over the events of the previous night, the more that 'blackout' moment scared him.  
  
Maybe 'blackout' wasn't the right word, but he didn't remember anything.  
  
A 'tainted power'. Man, how the heck did he end up with that?  
  
He closed his eyes, the weight of reality settling over him like dust.  
  
Could he really ignore that this messed up power is his, though? And what did this corrosive power say about him, anyways? Was he corroding inside? Could it be reversed? Could the corruption be cleansed instead?  
  
Naruto's eyes rolled up as he reviewed the old man's reply in his head again. "Oh yeah, he said there was no cleansing it. Not even with a waterfall." He closed his tired eyes, even though he was no longer trying to sleep. He couldn't sleep.  
  
What happens to people whose chakra turns red?  
  
Maybe he shouldn't think about it.  
  
He made a promise, even if it was made purely in the moment.  
  
Though, what he truly promised was not to pick fights like that with the adults again. But the implicit promise, along with the old man's explicit urgings, meant no more red chakra ever.  
  
In the end, it seemed like he'd reached the inevitable road block.  
  
He was to let go of his questions and move on, never to look behind again.  
  
Heaving a long sigh, Naruto pushed himself up and slid off his bed. He bent down and picked up an old black shirt from the floor and put it on. As he popped his head through the collar, he looked to his left and stared at the opposite wall.  
  
He swore he punched open a hole right there when he got home.  
  
But it wasn't a hole anymore.  
  
Naruto approached the wall and pressed his fingers against the new wood. It wouldn't budge. He scratched away at the plaster, revealing edges of the old wall. _Wow._ The hole really was plugged. Not covered, like with a plank of wood and some nails. It'd still look like a hole if his neighbors covered it from their side.  
  
Well, hopefully his landlord didn't know by now. He wouldn't put it past his neighbors to snitch on him.  
  
_Knock knock knock!_  
  
Naruto ducked down between his hunched shoulders.  
  
He just had to jinx himself, didn't he?  
  
_"Naruto? It's me."_  
  
He blinked. _Oh._ "Iruka-sensei?" His shoulders relaxed. But then it all came back to him. The utter spectacle he made of himself up on Mount Hokage. How he spent the greater part of his day catching up on lessons. Iruka-sensei watching him like he were a flightless bird. On instinct, he would want to use his wings and fly away. But Iruka-sensei wouldn't let him.  
  
Naruto rolled his eyes as he moved to answer the door.  
  
He peeked through the crack, no longer quite trusting his teacher to respect his personal space.  
  
"Hi."  
  
Iruka stifferend and took a step back from the door. Guess he got the message.  
  
"I was just--" He rubbed the back of his neck.  
  
"Checking up on me, I know."  
  
Iruka shot him a confused look. "Does that bother you?"  
  
Naruto's eyes narrowed. 'From one orphan to another'. Is that what he's thinking right now? We're not the same. "It's just weird, y'know?"  
  
Iruka crossed his arms. "Actually, it's perfectly normal for teachers to perform house visits."  
  
"You mean like a PTA?" That made Iruka frown, his whole countenance drooping. Naruto decided to pivot the conversation. "It's not normal to visit at this hour, is it?"  
  
Iruka looked away and rubbed the length of his forefinger under his nose.  
  
"No, I guess it isn't."  
  
Being fussed over was annoying, and the perfunctory concern of another official meant little to Naruto. Once he became a genin, he wouldn't be Iruka-sensei's problem anymore, and he expected that the man was counting down the days himself.  
  
Naruto opened the door just a little wider. "So how do I look? Do I look fine?"  
  
Iruka's mouth edged into the smallest of smiles. "You look tired."  
  
"Yep!" Naruto threw the door firmly into the frame, shutting his teacher out. "Thanks for waking me up!"  
  
The blond pressed his back against the wood, waiting for the sound of receding footsteps. Minutes passed before Iruka walked away. When Naruto was sure he was gone, the boy slid to the floor and draged his arms over his knees.  
  
He replayed their interaction in his head over and over again, finding little moments he wishes couldn't happened differently.  
  
But no matter how he dwelled on it, there was one thing that could never change.  
  
Iruka could pull the 'Orphan Card' all he wanted, but he could never truly understand.  
  
There was no 'used to have' for Naruto.

* * *

  
  
He was always catching stares, wasn't he?  
  
Naruto paused in the doorway. The moment he arrived a hush had fallen over the classroom.  
  
Some stunned faces had soured into sneers while others rolled their eyes and shook their heads.  
  
Normally in this kind of situation, he was supposed to get down on his hands and knees with his forehead pressed to the floor and he was supposed to apologize from the bottom of his cruddy soul.  
  
Y'know, for causing everyone such trouble.  
  
Yeah, no. He wasn't feeling that.  
  
Naruto strolled in, stopping in the middle of the floor as he faced his classmates. He then raised his arms.  
  
"You're all welcome--" He was cut off by incredulous shrieks and irate shouts, but he didn't let that stop him. "I gave you all a day off."  
  
"Shut up!"  
  
"Go home, eyesore!"  
  
"We're all a day behind because of you!" Shouted Sakura as she stood from her seat.  
  
Naruto turned at the waist and grinned at Iruka-sensei behind him. The man palmed his face.  
  
They all could have done without that.

* * *

  
  
"Alright everyone, as you know a shinobi must endure the constant dangers of nature and man at all times. In two weeks, you will all be tested."  
  
Delighted hums rose up and suffused the room, the bubbling volume of their chatter battling each other for dominance.  
  
Naruto's eyes slowly widened as Iruka continued.  
  
"Your survival training begins now."  
  
Wait. Was he serious?

* * *

  
  
"Let's begin with the Rule of Threes."  
  
They gathered in a forest clearing not far from one of the local parks, and even closer to the marketplace.  
  
The very idea of civilization being on the other side of that treeline made his eyes roll. Total immersion ruined.  
  
The class sat on the ground, listening to their Sensei.  
  
"A human can survive," He held up three fingers. "Three minutes without air. Three hours without shelter. Three days without water. And lastly, three weeks without food. You all need to prepare, because you will be on your own for three days."

* * *

  
  
Naruto stood by as Iruka directed some of the girls on putting together a simple tent. When one of them secured the final knot and their tent didn't collapse, they shrieked, grasping hands and jumping up and down.  
  
Was this supposed to be a group effort? Thought he said they'd be on their own two weeks from now.  
  
Iruka gave them their due praises then looked up, giving the idle boy an expectant look.  
  
"Naruto, pitch a tent right now."  
  
Naruto raised his hands and showed his palms as he shook his head expressionless.  
  
"I don't think my body's that developed yet."  
  
Iruka's eyes bugged, as did a vein in his temple. He looked about ready to yell at him. For all kinds of reasons.  
  
The girls, however, didn't get it.  
  
Iruka quickly recollected himself. He knew better now, or so he told himself; he needed to do better as Naruto's teacher.  
  
So the young man pulled the rascally blond aside. "I don't want to know why you know that phrase. You don't say that kind of thing around girls, alright?" He muttered.  
  
Naruto shrugged in response. They stopped once they were out of earshot of the other students, especially the girls who now might ask their parents later what 'pitching a tent' also means.  
  
Iruka crouched down, wanting to be at Naruto's level, so that the kid may consider his sincerity. Even if not now, but later on. Hopefully. Iruka would persist until he got that result.  
  
But now the deep-seated vulnerability in his student was beginning to seep through the cracks and it confirmed a lot of things for Iruka.  
  
"Yesterday, you showed me great dedication. Even through the long tedium of paperwork--"  
  
"That was punishment. I couldn't leave. You told me I couldn't."  
  
Iruka sucked in a breath, going over his reply very quickly. "You're right. I did say that..." Naruto's gaze began to drift away the more the silence hung between them. "Naruto, look at me."  
  
"I can hear you."  
  
"But are you really listening?"  
  
Naruto shrugged.  
  
"What do you feel like doing right now, hm? Do you want to go home?"  
  
Shrug.  
  
"Well, what if I let you?"  
  
Naruto looked at him in askance, but said nothing.  
  
"Academy is purely voluntary. You've already started coming and going as you please. Sometimes something else comes up that feels more important than this, right? So continue to come and go as you please." This isn't really what he wanted to say, dammit. He hoped Naruto wasn't going to take him at his word.  
  
"But then I'd never get my license in time."  
  
Relief glowed brightly in Iruka's chest. "Yes, exactly. So you see my point." Every fiber in Iruka's being was crossed like hopeful fingers.  
  
Naruto shook his head slowly.  
  
Well, that was okay.  
  
"I know this matters to you, because no matter how many times you skip a class or a day, you always come back. You're always ready to try again. But you're too easily distracted. Naruto, I was a class clown too--"  
  
Naruto looked hard to the side, efforting to not roll his eyes. _Here we go again with the 'I'm just like you' crap._  
  
"--You've been trying to make yourself more approachable, I get that. As long as you still have an audience, you default into entertaining them. So you crack a joke, you 'play dumb', you--"  
  
The more Iruka talked, trying to deconstruct who he was to his face, the more the hot lump in Naruto's throat grew larger, pushing higher, making his whole face feel tight.  
  
Iruka carefully placed a hand over Naruto's shoulder, hoping to get the boy's full attention again, even if it was embarrassing to show him those wet blue eyes.  
  
"All that needs to stop, Naruto." He finally said.  
  
Naruto glanced over to the rest of his classmates, everyone gathered in their own groups because no matter what, friends always want to be with their friends.  
  
"So..." Naruto swallowed, because it was hard to speak around the dam without breaking it. "What're you saying I start doing?" Because surely it couldn't be more of the same isolation that's already defined his entire life.  
  
"Start focusing on what really matters. Not the amount eyes on you, or the reactions you keep poking for. None of that is going to get you to genin."  
  
But he needed everyone to look at him, to see him. Some days he swore he was going to fade away. Like snowmelt in the spring. Like dust off a scroll. Like his footprints in the heavy rain.  
  
Naruto opened his mouth, but before he could speak, a rope snapped in the distance and a sharp cry cut through the air.  
  
Iruka jolted upright like a rescue dog, and he turned around to find one of his kids with both her palms split open.  
  
"Dammit," Iruka got up and hurried after her. He faltered, as if he'd forgotten something. He half-turned towards Naruto. "Hey, just get started for now."  
  
Naruto didn't say anything.  
  
"I'll be back before you know it. Okay?" Iruka still waited for something from him, a nod, a word. Heck, he could shrug again, Iruka just needed some mutual communication here.  
  
"By myself?" It sounded more like a statement than a question, one laced with the venom of accusation.  
  
"Ten minutes. I'll come back and help you in ten minutes," with that Iruka turned round again and was off. "I'm counting on you!"  
  
Naruto glared at the spiral emblem on the back of his Sensei's flak jacket, tendrils of heat rising up from the pit of his stomach. "Sensei!" Naruto cupped his mouth and shouted louder. "Sensei! What am I supposed to get?!" No answer. He wasn't even that far away. He just couldn't split his focus right now.  
  
Not that Naruto had expected anything less.  
  
Naruto put his hands together, not caring what size of clone came out of those ensuing clouds.  
  
From across the clearing, Sasuke was surrounded by his fangirls, some asking to help (and then promptly getting into screaming matches with each other afterwards), while others were in awe of his shelter, which was so much better than their rudimentary Scout tents that Iruka wanted them to master.  
  
He had taken four nimble maple saplings and tied two pairs together with hemp twine in the middle. He then crossed them into Xs, planted the ends into the ground so they formed into arches, and finally he dried the saplings into sturdy wooden poles by heating his palms with concentrated chakra.  
  
Then he draped the waterproof canvas over the frame. Little by little, he had secured everything together, and it was beginning to look like a tiny house. Only thing left was making the guy lines so it could withstand high winds.  
  
"Alright!" Naruto's unusually commanding voice echoed across the clearing.  
  
Sasuke paused, curiosity pulling him away from his task to watch the clumsy idiot get to work. Or try.  
  
Three mini-Naruto stood at attention. They were no taller than the dobe's knee.  
  
"You, you and you! Uhh, find some sticks!"  
  
"What kind of sticks?" Squeaked the left one.  
  
"I, I dunno! Just get all the sticks! I'll see which ones are better!"  
  
"Mine'll be better! They'll be the best!" Said the middle one.  
  
Sasuke knew clones divided a person's chakra. He wondered if they also divided a person's intelligence.  
  
"Why would yours be the best?!" The left one confronted the middle one.  
  
"Because I'm the older one!"  
  
"He made us at the same time, idiot!"  
  
The middle one curled his arms behind his head. "Nah, I'm pretty sure I appeared milliseconds before either of you did. Plus, I just feel _older_ , y'know?"  
  
"Oh yeah, me too," Said the right clone. He raised his fist and bopped the middle clone out of existence. "Now _I'm_ the older one. Go get my sticks, _little brother_."  
  
Naruto slapped his palms to his face.  
  
"I've got over ten years on you both, and I ORDERED BOTH OF YOU TO GET ME STICKS!"  
  
They both turned on him, hands on their hips. "Or what?"  
  
Naruto kicked the right one and stomped on the left one, white clouds billowing around Naruto from their smote existences.  
  
He looked up in the direction of their Sensei, hesitating for a few seconds before making up his mind. Naruto turned away and stomped through the bushes, disappearing from the clearing, most likely to be truant for the rest of the day again.  
  
Sakura scoffed beside him. "Think he understands now why he's so annoying?" She smirked in that snobby way that she does, as if she's trying to outdo Ino in everything, even in saucy attitude.  
  
Sasuke turned back towards his work, fastening the first guy line to the ground.  
  
He knew he could say the same about her when she acted like this, but he wasn't interested in drama.  
  
"Whoa, whoa, Hanabi stop! What are you girls doing?!" Iruka-sensei shouted.  
  
One of Hanabi's followers was in the process of digging a dry moat around Hanabi's shelter, which happened to be a hut arranged out of a circle of wooden spears. Even the roof was like a lethal parasol, as both Hanabi and another girl began fastening the two structures together with hemp twine.  
  
The girl responsible for their first line of defense paused to address their Sensei.  
  
"Hey, so when we're genin we're going to be stuck with boys, aren't we? So at night, the enemy could target us first, right?"  
  
Iruka rubbed at his mouth like 'Oh boy', before making a fanning motion with his hand.  
  
"You're looking at it backwards, Yuzu-chan. You'll be the most safe because there'll be two boys for you to rely on. Plus, your jounin instructor will never let anything happen to you."  
  
Hanabi's followers cupped their mouths and booed. Hanabi simply continued on with her work. Whether she facilitated this mistrustful outlook or indirectly inspired it, no one could tell for sure. But she didn't seem to try to correct it, either.  
  
Two more of her followers showed up, hugging bundles of bamboo.  
  
"Teach us to make traps, Sensei!" They said.  
  
"Traps?!"  
  
"Yeah, we got these for the moat! We're going to make a tiger pit all the way around!"  
  
"Sensei, I don't want anyone sneaking into my tent at night! Not even my own teammates!"  
  
"Anyone tries, and their tibias will be replaced with bamboo!"  
  
Sasuke watched as all Iruka-sensei could do was cup his eyes against the coalition of crazy girls. They were already crazy when they used to be his fangirls, so at least now he knew it wasn't him that made them that way.  
  
Sasuke glanced over to where Naruto was supposed to be, a long-buried ache resonating deep down inside.  
  
Iruka-sensei had gone well over the ten minutes promised.

* * *

  
  
Naruto dragged a hefty bundle of rope behind him, gauging it to be roughly twenty feet in length, not having the slightest clue what he was going to do with it.  
  
No audience?  
  
Check.  
  
Naruto threw the rope over a thick branch and secured it with a tug. He then used the rope to haul himself up to the top of the branch. Gathering a good amount of rope into his left hand, he eyed the tree directly ahead and jumped. There he wrapped the rope around the trunk, making sure this tightrope was perfectly leveled.  
  
From there, he jumped onto another tree, repeating the same thing until he formed a ring eight feet off the ground.  
  
He clenched the rope. Because even though he was all the way up here, he still felt lower than the dirt.  
  
Gripping the rope with both hands, Naruto jumped down, the force pressing down on his stomach like it was pancaking his woes into a shallow grave. And as he swung to the opposite side, the pressure left his insides, replacing them with butterflies.  
  
There. He cut his circle in half. Now to halve that half, and halve it again.  
  
He jumped and he swung, weaving a pattern as it came to him, working so fast he had no time to think, no time to question himself. Each time the butterflies appeared and tickled his belly, the sun greeted his eyes, and his mask nearly cracked in spite of himself.  
  
Landing to a stop was sobering, and dully so. Every time he looked down, he was grounded again, reminded that this was all he had, all he had been given. This was everything he had to work with.  
  
And he just had to suck it up, didn't he?  
  
He knew that he was chasing something, same time it felt like something was chasing him.  
  
Well, he'll outrun this awful, predatory feeling.  
  
Before it consumed him.  
  
Naruto pulled a kunai from his backpocket and threw it, striking dead center of the ground. He jumped down, securing the end of the rope through the handle.  
  
His palms burned. His face was hot with exertion, his forehead felt cool against the breeze.  
  
He looked up at his handiwork.  
  
Only one thing remained.  
~~~  
  
"You sure he went this way, Sasuke?"  
  
"Mmhn."  
  
Iruka didn't expect the entire class to follow after him like ducklings, but it was probably for the best, lest someone else stray from their group. This training was purely supplemental, and working out here had not actually been fully sanctioned, either. The other classes might do this the old way and spring the survival test on their students at the last minute, but Iruka had had a lot to think about yesterday.  
  
And he realized he no longer wanted to be that teacher from yesterday, the one who couldn't be relied on. Just because this was his first class didn't mean he should keep making excuses. He's been with these kids for the past five years.  
  
He needed to evolve with their needs.  
  
Iruka stopped suddenly, causing his group to collide into one another behind him.  
  
"What is that?" Yuzu said.  
  
It looked like a hut, but it was entirely made of dark blue tarp.  
  
Iruka approached it first, pushing it aside like a drape. He let it fall back into place, encasing him in a half-shade of darkness. He was in a room. The same colored tarp comprised the walls beside him, and he tugged the right wall aside, revealing another room. Same exact size as this one. They were all slice-shaped, starting off wide then meeting at a single shared point. Looking up, there was no roof. Maybe that was for the best.  
  
Iruka startled when the walls began to flutter. Looking up, he saw the culprit causing the rope to vibrate: A lone squirrel.  
  
It scurried across the structure and jumped away, disappearing into the density of trees.  
  
Iruka was grinning. He couldn't stop grinning.  
  
The sheer potential shown before him lit up his imagination. What he saw was a perfect marriage of practicality and ingenuity. Made by their own Number One Knucklehead. A chuff escaped him, equal parts delighted and disbelieving.  
  
Suddenly, one by one, like shy little sheep, his students began to explore the structure with him, intrigued by all the convenience it provided and inspired by it too.  
  
"Look!" One of the boys grabbed a wall and threw it over, letting it drape over the other side of adjacent rope. "Now I made a bigger room with a ceiling!"  
  
"No, you just made a bigger room with _half_ a ceiling!" Corrected one of the girls.  
  
The two kids looked up and observed the problem before them.  
  
The boy pulled the tarp back down and gave the girl her half of it. Then they slung the canvas over the tightropes behind them.  
  
"Now we got a ceiling." She said with her hands on her hips.  
  
"Hey! Hey!" Another girl came racing up to them. "We can do half bedrooms, half common rooms! Don't you think so?"  
  
"Oh yeah! But is it okay to sleep without a roof?"  
  
They continued on like that, testing and working through new ideas, questioning each other as needed and finding the solutions just as quickly.  
  
Iruka had only intended to show his class how to make a Scout tent, as seemingly nothing else was really needed out on the field.  
  
But somehow he ended up supervising a design class.  
  
The walls then collapsed all around them like wet laundry, forcing everyone out of their collaborative dreamworld and back into the very real and very familiar forest.  
  
Kiba stood in the center, holding onto the very end of rope that had made all of this. He stared back their collective glares.  
  
"I swear: I didn't know that was going to happen."  
  
Iruka's grin pulled up into his cheeks.  
  
Yes, Naruto had truly created something wonderful.


	12. All The Ambivalence and None of the Choices

Survival training's been going okay this past week.

So far they've gotten rem-ed on fishing, basic medical treatment, and most recently foraging. Some of these things he already knew how to do. Seeing his slightly more sheltered classmates flounder in comparison didn't do much for him; it only made Iruka-sensei pay attention to them even more.

Well, Naruto could say now that he knew which mushrooms not to eat.

Not that he figured he'd ever get so starved that he'd actually try to live off of fungus. Because he could say that he's had a 'mushroom' of his own ever since he was born. (That joke would have earned him five-knuckles across his head for sure.)

Well, today was a different sort of foraging. And just like at the beginning of every lesson these past days, Iruka was shadowing him.

Naruto stooped down and picked up an oblong stone.

"Is that what you want to use for your flywheel?" Iruka leaned over, obviously scrutinizing his choice.

Naruto stared at him point blank. "Is this what  _you_  want me to use for my flywheel?"

Iruka blinked at him. "Uh…"

"What's wrong with it?" Naruto narrowed his eyes, waiting.

Iruka frowned and suddenly he looked tired. "It's too uneven," It was as if he hadn't wanted to say anything. "Try again."

Naruto chucked the stone over his shoulder, and Iruka winced as it narrowly avoided a student's head. Naruto trudged off, resuming his search. In his back pockets were sticks and twine, ready to be assembled into a pump-drill fire starter.

"Naruto, have more awareness. Please." Iruka called out.

Naruto waved him off.

Even though he hated seeing Iruka-sensei help the other kids, he also didn't ask for his help.

Since Sensei had asked that he keep his head down and stay on task, he was going to do exactly that.

At least until this supplementary training was over and he passed the test.

Then things could go back to normal, and so could he.

* * *

 

Hinata hovered in the doorway of her elder sister's bedroom, watching a very unusual scene: Her sister sat in the middle of the floor, meticulously laying out a variety of items and keeping them in neat groups.

There were two canteens, a bundle of rope, a thick, folded square of waterproof canvas, a small collection of knives along with a spare kunai, a box of matches and some old cotton cloth, a fishing net, and lastly packaged rations like beef jerky and fermented soy cake.

Hanabi rolled out a scroll, placing the rope, canvas and fishing net upon the parchment, keeping them evenly spaced apart. She then, with ink brush in hand, began to draw squiggly hook shapes around the objects, each one varied in some way, like having an extra tail or indent.

Hanabi then put her hands together, and with a poof, the objects became simple line drawings.

Hinata clapped her hands, drawing her sister's attention away. She stopped immediately, her blush reaching her ears. She had gotten swept up in the spectacle.

"Is that homework?" Hinata asked.

Hanabi began to secure the slate gray scroll. "Nope," She got up, scroll in her arms as she headed for her dresser where she propped it up for the time being. "Got a test coming up. I'm going to be gone for three days."

"Three days?" For three days, Hinata wasn't going to have breakfast with her beloved elder sister, nor dinner? Ever since she started Academy, these were the only times they were truly together. Her sister - who worked so hard, hard enough that she couldn't play, hard enough that she simply fell asleep anywhere without a blanket for warmth - Hinata couldn't picture a day without seeing Hanabi-neesama for even a passing second.

Hanabi tilted her head in Hinata's direction, giving her pensive sister a sidelong glance. "Oh yeah. This is going to become rather normal once I become a genin."

Hinata clutched her yukata.

Yeah, she hated this. Hanabi knew she would.

"When will that be?" Hinata asked.

Hanabi cupped her elbow and poked her cheek, eyes rolling up to think.

"Well, the graduation system has changed quite a bit. Supposedly, back during times of war, even one as young as five could become genin if they were skilled enough. Call it desperation for more able bodies. But since that other thing ten years ago, they've been less excited about accepting recruits younger than twelve."

Hinata's face pinched. So they only had less than two more years together? Before the string of absences kicked in?

"I could request to take the final exam and pass. I've got just about every E-rank jutsu down. But then I'd be missing out on a lot of other material that could still be important. Also who knows what team I'll get put on if it's not with my own classmates. I've been developing camaraderie for some time now, so it'd totally go to waste if I graduated ahead of them." When Hanabi looked her way again, she found her little sister fighting back tears.

Hanabi tsked sympathetically, approaching her sister with open arms.

Hinata walked into her embrace, letting her elder sister pet her hair as she sniffled and hugged her middle tightly.

She had so little time left. And it dawned on Hinata that she had even less time with someone else that she cared about. Someone who she had pointedly ignored for some time now, for so casually making a fool and a jerk out of her. It annoyed her, even moreso that she didn't know what to say to him, but they were family. She was the one wasting their precious time, not him.

She really should apologize.

"You know," Hanabi stopped petting her hair, "If you ever wanted to be like me, and do what I do for a living, there's a higher chance that we could spend more time together," Hanabi grinned as her little sister gazed up at her in wonder. "And if you really, really work hard, I could personally request you someday. That'd be great, hm? We'd be a lethal sister super duo."

Hinata's lips compressed together as the wonder flickered out from her eyes. Still she nodded, not wanting to ruin her elder sister's dreams.

Hinata, personally, wasn't fond of the idea of becoming lethal.

She understands full well that death nourishes life.

But death should be peaceful and painless, arriving to those at their predestined time. Just like their mother's passing.

Hinata cried for mosquitoes who got flattened, a delicate wing dislocated from a well-placed swat. They couldn't help the way they were made. The way they hungered for blood wasn't the same way warlords or criminals hungered for it.

She could put up with a couple itchy welts if it meant the mosquito was fat and happy.

But nobody else thought of these things like she did.

There was nobody who would understand.

* * *

 

 

Naruto might have discovered something ridiculously more fun than that old, sad swing.

A thick rope in hand, standing twelve feet above ground, Naruto gripped the coarse fibers with both hands and jumped off.

The wind rushed over him, ripping away a scream caught somewhere between terror and delight. Like a pendulum, his voice swung high between the two emotions.

From the moment he swung back around, nearly colliding into another tree, then whooping when he dodged it, only to shriek when his rope snagged, jerking him to a violent stop.

He swore his stomach was going to jump out of his throat.

Nearing the ground, Naruto let the rope slip through his palms as he collapsed onto his back. He giggled and heaved for breath. He felt so sure he had run out of things to do here in this village.

Pranks only got him in trouble. (Not that he cared.)

Watching the clouds was fine. They were really fat today. A signal of the impending summer rain. Hopefully it didn't come down on them during their test.

Playing cards had a fickle appeal.

Sometimes his clones genuinely played with him (before a sore loser accused someone of cheating). But other times they devolved into levels of childishness too high even for him. They'd make up rules along the way, contradict themselves, throw their cards at each other. One would toss the whole deck in the air and say it was snowing when they were feeling exceptionally petulant. Really annoying stuff like that.

As if it wasn't already impossible to find someone who wanted to do things with him.

But if he shared his rope with someone, then he would only have half as much fun, wouldn't he? He never had to share anything with anyone before, so he certainly wasn't ready to start now.

Naruto scrambled to his feet, a refreshed grin splitting his face.

He grasped the rope and began to haul himself up.

Halfway up, the sound of footsteps scuffling across the fallen leaves entered the forest.

"Well, look at you," said a white-haired man. It was Mizuki-sensei. He taught the class in the first room. "Is that fun, Naruto?"

Naruto frowned. Not because it was Mizuki-sensei, but because he wondered if the man was asking if he could take a turn. "Maaaybe?"

"Maybe?" Mizuki smirked then broke out into throaty chuckles. "Alright, alright, I get it. You're still young, after all. You should embrace this time while you still have it. You may never experience joy like this again."

Naruto quietly observed Mizuki for a beat, as he dangled from the rope. "You really think so?" He didn't know that much joy to begin with, so Mizuki might as well be telling him that nothing changes and everything stays the same.

"Well, becoming a shinobi is a rite of passage. Every mission you take, you return home with a piece of yourself left behind."

Naruto loosened his grip, lowering himself just enough before jumping down. He looked up at Mizuki, at that frank smile aimed just at him.

Never before has anyone expressed a negative side to being a shinobi. The ones who say what everyone else won't; They're the most honest people.

"Is it worth it, at least?" Naruto asked. Perhaps he could pick and choose which parts he wanted to leave behind. Maybe everyone would finally like him if he were better, if he were different.

Mizuki gripped his chin, adjusting his weight onto his left heel. "Is it worth it? Hmm… I suppose it could be," Mizuki's thoughtful expression changed into a cheeky grin. "But would you give up the you that enjoys swinging from trees?"

"NEVER IN A MILLION YEARS!" Naruto jumped up and grabbed the rope, resuming his climb. Reaching the top, he grinned down at Mizuki from the branch. "And just to make sure, I'm going to do this a million times right now!"

With that, Naruto leapt, the gravitational force pulling butterflies from his stomach as he soared.

* * *

 

Naruto landed on his feet, having completed his survey of the area from atop the tree. This was his first time outside the village and his blood was buzzing.

Looking to his left, he found his classmates gathered in a circle. He wondered why.

Approaching, he stopped beside Shikamaru, but everyone was still so much taller than him, so he got on his tippy-toes trying to get a good view through the gap between their heads.

"Looks like this a team exercise, everyone," Hanabi said as she rolled up the crimson scroll. "We have to work together to make it back home on the third midnight.  _Without_  losing this scroll."

A boy shrugged. "That sounds easy."

Hanabi narrowed her eyes at him. "Not if our Senseis are the one pursuing us," She tucked the scroll into the waistband of her pants. "We might even have to fight them."

"No problem!" One of her fangirls crowed. "Hanabi-sama, you can take down a grown man easy!"

"Hanabi-sama, you're the best candidate to protect the scroll!"

A head of black hair stepped away from Naruto's side of the circle. "No," Sasuke's voice cut through the air like a chilly draft through a cracked door. "I'm the fastest one here. I'm also the least likely to  _welcome_  combat."

Hanabi crossed her arms. "That's because you wouldn't be prepared for it."

The 'oohs' rolled in like a wave, and Naruto found himself locked out as an unfamiliar atmosphere settled over them.

Sasuke took another step towards her. "You should use those eyes of your correctly, and avoid the enemy."

"Are you saying Hyuugas are natural-born cowards?" Hanabi closed the gap, giving Sasuke a disdainful once-over. Maybe it wasn't entirely disdainful. Maybe she liked what she saw. Maybe Hanabi was just better at not falling over herself for him than the other girls. And maybe Naruto was projecting too much. "Because if so, then I could say that Uchiha are natural-born head cases."

Sasuke grabbed her by the shirt, her feet dangling inches from the ground, but she didn't flinch. She never did.

"Someone like you should take the rear. If a bear finds you tasty, I'm sure it'll die of  _poison_."

"Funny you should even speak of bears, because I honestly can't think of anything worse than a  _weasel_ ," Hanabi leaned her head towards him, her voice dropping down to a whisper, as if she were talking down to a child. "They're obligate carnivores, they kill more than they need, and they're known to cannibalize."

Sasuke's fist swung down and Naruto's heart stopped, the knee-jerk protest lodged in his throat.

Hanabi fell to the ground.

The circle grew deathly silent as Sasuke cupped his fist to his chest, wincing at the trickle of blood running down her chin from her bottom lip. A ring of mottled red bloomed around the corner of her mouth and the area began to swell.

She didn't even wipe it away.

She got up. Dusted herself off. And brushed past him.

"Anyone who trusts me to guard the scroll, come with me."

Naruto jolted out of his skin as one by one the clearing became abandoned, his fellow classmates choosing to go with her. All except for Sakura. She stared at Sasuke like he were a landmine, the pressure plate unseen but far too close for her comfort.

Naruto didn't understand what just happened. He wondered if Sakura understood. He looked towards her, hoping she'd reciprocate eye-contact. She spared him a single glance but nothing more, and he began to wonder if he was truly missing out on something.

He thought they were just rivals, like in the normal sense. Had they always had it out for one another? He never saw it before.

_There're no adults around. That's got to be why._

Regardless, Hanabi should have avoided that fist. Naruto knew better. He'd grown conditioned not to defend her because she didn't need it.

Not from him.

Not from anyone.

" _I'm also the least likely to welcome combat."_

Did she… do that on purpose?

Hanabi didn't strike him as a true introvert, but she wasn't the type to throw words around lightly. She knew exactly what to say to piss him off the most.

Just like shuriken practice, her aim was perfect.

Naruto raked his fingers across his scalp, tempering a lengthy sigh through his nose. "Sakura-chan, she said this a team test." He didn't particularly care for their beef, and he didn't want to fail. Sakura didn't need to fail either just because Sasuke fell for Hanabi's bait. That was his stupid fault.

"Do you even know what's on that scroll?" Sasuke said, earning a dirty look though he couldn't see it. "For all we know she could be making it up. I think she just enlisted a bunch of pawns to carry her to victory."

Naruto threw his hands up. "That's a bit much, even for you-!"

Sasuke turned halfway, pinning him with a hard, one-eyed glare. "Follow her, then. See if she doesn't try to sacrifice you all for top score."

Naruto took half a step back, fists balling up at his sides. As if he wanted to keep playing the underdog, anyways.

Naruto stole another look at Sakura, but her expression had turned resolute as she kept her eyes on the prideful Uchiha.

"Sasuke-kun, I'll stay with you. We can get the scroll back together."

Naruto rolled his eyes and turned away, disappearing into the dense forest.

Two versus twenty-eight?

Even that was too optimistic for him.

* * *

 

Despite his desire to see Sasuke fail, he wasn't exactly happy to be trailing behind Hanabi's cooperative. Kiba and Shino guarded the group's flank, while Shikamaru and Hanabi talked strategy. Their crisp discussions floated across the student body, causing him to relive that sense that he was missing something.

"... I was also thinking everyone could have decoy scrolls."

"How about substitution jutsu?"

Hanabi turned around to face her platoon. "Who here has mastered the Substitution jutsu? I need hands."

Naruto's breath locked in his chest as every hand sprang up like bamboo.

Yeah, he was definitely with the wrong crowd.

But if he could piggyback towards a decent score, then that's what he would do.

"Halt." Hanabi said, and the group obeyed. Then they began to part down the middle, with Hanabi marching towards the back.

 _Oh no._  For once he hadn't wanted to be noticed. For once he had just wanted to be left alone. What was she going to ask of him? If he couldn't do anything, would they just kick him out?

Hanabi's big, pearly eyes scoured his face, then his body, then back to his face. This wasn't anything like what she did to Sasuke earlier, but he wasn't sure if this was any better. She was at least four centimeters taller than him still. Really embarrassing.

He avoided her penetrating gaze, not realizing how far he was leaning away until he felt a crick in his back.

"You have that female disguise, right?"

Naruto offered a limp shrug, still avoiding her. How dumb he must look like right now. He was just thankful the sun was going down. Hopefully the red glare of it rendered his stupid blush invisible.

"Can you turn into me?"

Now Naruto couldn't avoid her stare anymore. Eyes wider than the sun, his gaze slid down to meet hers. To see if she was serious. She stared at him expectantly.

No one was going anywhere until he showed her.

He wasn't going anywhere unless he tried.

No.

No, he couldn't do it.

It was too embarrassing!

Naruto's hands cautiously came together, and he shut his eyes. White smoke obscured him then dispersed in a flash.

He couldn't look. He wouldn't look. He didn't want to know.

But now everyone knew.

They all knew how much he used to watch her.

He felt her fingers run over a strand of hair and he flinched.

"Relax," She murmured. "You got already got your punishment. I'm not like that other guy going around hitting people indiscriminately."

 _Indiscriminately, she says._  This wasn't the first time she goaded Sasuke into an uncharacteristic attack.

Or maybe she was just the type of person to pull out those parts of you. Like fireworks at night, she existed to expose the darkness, to emphasize it as unwanted.

As for his so-called punishment, Naruto hadn't even planned on talking about that, but here they were. He squinted through one eye, putting up with the poking and pulling of her inspection. "Don't you think you overdid it? What if I lost my arm?"

"Guess you'd have to get a new arm. Turn around."

"That's not funny." He obeyed her despite himself. He was burning up from the brush of her fingers along his neck, to the brief pat down along his sides. He was grateful for the curtain of brown hair around his new face, but that was embarrassing too.

"I wonder why you're so good at this, but you suck at everything else."

Those words were like a match head striking across a rough surface, his temper flaring as he knocked her hand away.

She blinked at him, before breaking out into that impish grin. "Take heart, deadlast. You're going to be my body double."


	13. Who Do You Think You Are?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was trying to cram everything into this chapter, so I apologize for the gap in updates. Next chapter should take care of the Academy days. I think I do want to cover my own version of canon chapter one, but we'll see.
> 
> So, I know the previous chapter ended with some exciting promises. I hope I can deliver on them next chapter. I don't think I have enough action scenes here, and this chapter still has more set up than payoff going on, that's for sure.
> 
> On another note, I plan on revising as I go. Never anything narrative-breaking, just touch-ups that feel needed. Such as the way I portrayed Sasuke in chapter 9. I disagree with it that depiction and will be improving it when the time allows.
> 
> Also it seems like this story is kind of writing itself. I don't think I'll be adhering to canon very much at all, aside from the major plot points, of course.
> 
> Last thing: I never read 'The Empty Cage' by Rathanael until after I wrote this chapter. I was like 'Huh, this part is going to be a tangent but it's interesting. I wonder if someone else actually wrote this idea already'. And lo! Haha. I went on reddit, got some help, found that fic. Still need to read everything past chapter 1, but yeah unintentional reference to its premise in this chapter.

 

 

Hanabi may have made a predictable opponent out of Sasuke, but…

"On the other hand, didn't she just make this test that much harder on us? Aside from the wilderness and the teachers, now she's pitted 'The Natural' against us." Shikamaru released an unusually heated sigh as he scratched his head with a free hand.

Naruto winced. _'The Natural'? Really?_ Didn't Sasuke have plenty of awesome nicknames already?

Thick clouds pulled overhead, darkening as they neared, causing the air to dampen and grow heavy. As the sun sank for the horizon, the speckling of pale orange light dancing along the leaves began to wink away, and the reddened stream faded to a cold gray.

Shikamaru and Choji stood on the grassy edge, bundles of wood in their arms as they waited on Naruto, who'd been tasked with rock gathering.

Stone by stone, Shikamaru's concerns began to sink in, becoming Naruto's concerns as well.

Maybe they didn't have the advantage after all. Maybe she's actually levelled the playing field. But who goes and does that?

Naruto's face soured as his recollection answered for him. _I would do that._ Hanabi failed to realize that he too was obsessed with challenge. She failed to realize because they say insanity is doing the same thing over and over again while expecting a different result. He had to be a fool to even bother. That's what they all thought of him, right?

Then what the heck was practice? A bad idea?

Is that why only 'The Naturals' get the best nicknames?

Naruto sighed.

"I understand what _I_ have to do, but what exactly is the plan?" Naruto bent over to the side to tie up his rucksack of rocks, then hauled it onto his shoulders.

"She's still working on that. Said she'll let me know when we get back."

Naruto's movements towards the embankment slowed, his eyes hesitantly searched their surroundings so that Shikamaru couldn't read him. "Only you?"

"Yeah, I guess. We play shogi sometimes, so-"

The gravel gave way underfoot and Naruto nearly toppled backwards when Shikamaru latched onto his right arm. Naruto looked at Shikamaru, at the undercurrent of panic swimming beneath the surface. He recalled the way the shadow-user looked up on Mount Hokage when he thought he failed to save him.

Naruto didn't dwell on that too much.

"You guys play together?"

"Can you get up here?!"

Naruto gripped Shikamaru's forearm and righted himself, letting Shikamaru pull him onto solid ground.

Naruto rubbed the back of his head, his apologies and thanks sitting numb on his tongue. In the end, he never gave Shikamaru acknowledgment.

Far as Naruto knew, this was just how it was going to be between them. Shikamaru with his insane reflexes, and Naruto with his... lack thereof. It didn't mean anything.

They turned towards the woods, resuming the fifteen minute trek back. Naruto grit his teeth as the aches startled to settle into his shoulders. He prayed he wouldn't even notice the next fourteen minutes pass by. These rocks weren't just for their fire, but for everyone else's. He wondered if there was another intention at play here.

A few minutes in and Naruto's breathing began to labor.

Shikamaru turned towards him. "You got it?"

"Y,Yup!"

And his face began to redden.

Choji turned around too. "I can carry some in my pockets."

And his temples began to bead with sweat.

Naruto blew air through his teeth. "She asked me to do it, y'know?"

The two boys exchanged odd looks with each other.

Shikamaru was the first to give in, while Choji hesitated, having the bottomless belief that people help each other, not hurt each other. But he soon too gave in, following Shikamaru's lead but with a new thought of his own: Maybe being helpful can be hurtful.

Choji rubbed his stomach as the Not-A-Suicide-Attempt incident replayed itself in his head. His stomach had been pretty sore for a couple days. Hurt to eat anything that tended to make him a little gassy.

"So…" _huff_ "...Whaddya guys play?" Naruto finally said after some silence.

Shikamaru shrugged. "Shogi. I've only played with my dad, but couple years ago Hanabi came over and challenged me and she's never won," He sighed again. "Which also means she keeps coming back."

Naruto's gaze drifted from the back of Shikamaru's ponytail, down to the trodden dirt beneath his feet, and he kicked at a stray twig.

_Must be nice…_ The weight of his thoughts seemed heavier than the weight hanging from his back, and he caught himself before he toppled over again. Naruto raised his face up and clenched at the straps. _I need to be good at something, too. Then I'll… be more interesting._

* * *

 

Despite her resolve to prove herself to Sasuke, Haruno Sakura - civilian nobody and future Tokubetsu Jounin-wannabe - felt immensely uneasy.

Partly towards herself, in the likelihood that she disappoints him, burdens him, screws it all up.

But the other part, the biggest bramble in her sandal so to speak was because of _her_.

Sasuke-kun, who is extremely reserved and always has it together was neither four hours ago.

And Sakura had to ask herself: Wasn't this actually good? Wasn't this actually okay?

If Hanabi were actually a little nicer, a little sweeter, much less serious, wouldn't Sakura have to worry about her more?

Didn't seem to be the case, as that rather passionate exchange so proved.

Hanabi, for some unfathomable reason was the only one who could pierce through his walls, the only one with access to his pushable buttons. (Not that Sakura dreamed of treating him that way, nor did she believe a punch in the mouth was as good as a kiss. It obviously wasn't.)

Still, a reaction was a reaction, wasn't it?

The opposite of love isn't hate, after all.

If she dragged her feet any further than this, she was bound to trip on a raised root and fall flat on her face. She's been carrying this weight inside her chest for so long that she wanted to rip it out and chuck it over the mountainside already.

Maybe she was kidding herself. Maybe she was dreaming too big, after all.

_So what?!_

She loved ninjutsu!

And she wanted this village to love her too!

Her parents just didn't get her. Always telling her to lower the bar, shoot for safe and all that crap.

The one day she mastered her first E-Rank ninjutsu, Substitution, she had been so excited to show them.

And how did they react?

" _I don't see the point of this," Her mother said as she stood elbows deep in a hot sink of dirty dishes. "The only reason you're excited is so you can make your dirty laundry disappear. Honestly, I think you only went to this academy to trick your old mother."_

_Her father laid on his side in the den, newspaper in hand. He flipped the page with his thumb. "My, that's a smart idea. Would they let me enroll next year? Bwahahaha!"_

Sakura one-two punched the air, her skin hot from the memory.

Disgusting! Her parents were absolutely disgusting! Had they no shame?! Could they really look down on the shinobi arts while they take advantage of the very people sworn to protect them?!

The nerve! The ignorance of civilians!

But sure, civilians lead 'normal' lives. (However good that is.) What they don't know is that there's something deeper that blossoms between comrades that an ignorant civilian could never understand.

And Sakura didn't want to be ignorant. She didn't want to keep being different.

But maybe if her parents never planted their roots here, things would be very different. She might not have so many dreams that they were constantly spilling out from her arms.

Maybe she'd be sowing a field right now, or helping her father sell wares between rural villages.

She shuddered at the thought.

If anything, she'd be shunted all the responsibility from the get-go. Her father was between jobs as is.

Skilled enough to take on a project that would feed them for a season or two, but then the bills still piled up, and her mother became combative, stressful, extra nagging. He'd take on another project just before it was too late, then the cycle would repeat.

He'd always say he had bad feet or a bad back. Sometimes he said he had a bad memory. Perhaps to his credit, he was far older than most of the shinobi parents who came to pick up their kids after lessons, but Sakura knew he was full of crap.

Sakura promised herself that once she became a genin, every ryo she earned was hers and hers alone.

And she could finally purchase things much finer than Ino was used to; white peach-scented conditioner, lotion made from goat's milk and rose oil. But even more than that… She simply wanted to wear red.

The bow Ino had long given her made her realize that red made her eyes pop.

There was passion and fire in such a color. The very essence that brewed like a storm in her heart. But the outside belied her vibrant feelings. On the outside, she was delicate and refined.

Sakura cupped her round cheeks as she drifted off into another daydream.

She pictured her grown self to be lithe yet powerful with just a hint of curves, her very beauty radiating off in waves of citrus and magnolia as she jumps in to protect Sasuke from an incoming attack.

The sunlight hits her skin just right. It glistens, immaculate and baby soft.

She glances over her shoulder at him, her smile just breath shy from being smug.

And he's dazzled by her.

He realizes then: that she is the best of both worlds.

An unrepressed squeal bursts out of her like a girlish song, until she collides into his backpack and her whole, rosy world crashes down like a bucket of ice water.

She's frozen.

She wants to play this off.

Pretend this never happened.

But he's so close.

Except he could be a lot closer if it weren't for this darn backpack!

A cooling droplet strikes her scalp. Another lands on the bridge of her nose.

She had failed to notice the inclement weather. She wondered if Sasuke hadn't prepared for it either, or if he had been ignoring it in favor of making up time.

Now what?

Sakura began to pull her backpack off, but Sasuke kept walking on ahead.

"Don't bother. We gotta catch up before the rain washes their tracks away."

Sakura hesitated, the droplets striking more frequently now. She conceded with a nod, muting her sigh as she adjusted her pack onto her shoulders.

Somewhere along the way, Hanabi had dispersed everyone into smaller teams.

And which one she was hiding amongst, neither of them knew.

Which track they should follow first was a gamble at best.

Sakura, for all her love of analysis, felt ill-equipped to analyze Hanabi's mind.

But maybe Sasuke knew exactly where they were going.

Maybe Sasuke really was closer to the Hyuuga heiress than appearances lead on.

* * *

 

Naruto bit into his beef jerky with about the same irritation he experienced whenever Old Man Teuchi would sneak weird vegetables into his ramen.

He watched on as Shikamaru spoke with Hanabi through the tent entrance. She stood out in the rain, tucked inside a rain poncho as the heavy skies pelted down on them. A relentless drumming that, after a while, sounded like the trees themselves were shushing vehemently.

As a result, Naruto couldn't hear a word they were saying.

Choji was relaxed on his side with his arm curled beneath his head, while Ino was working on her third bag of dry roasted soybeans. Go figure.

Naruto ducked down towards Choji, whispering conspiratorially beneath his breath. "So how do you play shogi?"

"How? Well… You play on a board."

"Uh-huh."

"With a Gold General and a Silver General."

"Uh-huh."

"Also a Knight-"

"The heck's a Knight?"

"I dunno. It's like…" Choji drew a familiar kanji in the dirt between their sleeping mats.

Naruto craned his head, upper lip pulling back. "It's a horse?"

"No."

"'Kay, but that says 'horse'."

Choji scrunched his face and sighed as he wracked his brain. "Well, they… They used to fight on horses, so ya know, it means 'Knight'."

Naruto's eyes widened. "So you fight with horses, too?" He couldn't even imagine it. Were they sent out to trample their enemies?

"Yeah, on a board. With a gold guy and a silver guy." Choji was starting to look more and more constipated as the conversation went on.

Naruto gripped his chin and squinted his eyes shut. He tried to picture it. He really tried. It was exhausting to organize it all into something sensible. "... That sounds complicated."

Choji's features smoothed. "Yeah, I'm not very good at it."

"So what are the generals' names?"

Choji winced, eyes darting to the side. This conversation was getting away from him, but even as Shikamaru's best friend, he wasn't equipped to explain this stuff. They were cloud-watching buddies, not game buddies.

"Ehh, Gin… kaku and… Kinkaku?"

"Oh, would you two shut it!" Ino cried. "It's bad enough knowing Sakura gets to cozy up to Sasuke-kun while I'm prioritizing this test! I don't want to hear any more stupid from either of your mouths!"

Naruto shot her a dirty look. He shifted his mouth to the side. "What's with her?"

"Ino's just hangry. She's been hangry for the past two weeks now."

"Hangry?"

"Yes! And it's all YOUR fault!" Ino pointed dead at him.

Naruto's hands came up and flattened, as if in his very palms he held the world's largest 'WHAT?!'.

"Because of YOU I had to go inside HIS body! And use a jutsu I'm not comfortable using!"

Naruto turned towards Choji, sharing a confused grin whilst silently pleading with his eyes.

Choji snickered. "Oh yeah. So my family's jutsu relies on calories. Calories are these numbers inside food that fuel your body. 'Stead of keeping count, I eat all I want when I want, so I never have to worry about that feeling."

Naruto's mouth formed a little 'O' as he faced Ino, discovering her bitter snacking had devolved into pitiful desperation. Tears pricked at her eyes.

"I never want to experience hunger like that agaaain!" She stamped her feet like a toddler.

Choji sighed. "I keep telling her to eat meat, but she says puberty's coming, so she's concerned about turning into a pear."

"How does meat turn you into a pear?"

Choji shrugged. "Girl speak?"

"I said shut up!" Ino chucked her bed roll at the blond. It bounced off of Naruto as he ducked away.

It didn't hurt, but he rubbed his arm all the same and pouted.

"Naruto." Shikamaru called, beckoning him to come over.

Naruto stared for a moment, then his eyes lit up like stars and he hurried over to join them.

Naruto stood at attention, not realizing he was acting more like a minion than an equal.

Still, far as this test went and his budding reputation as an amazing body double, he didn't want to let her down.

"Since you're going to be me for a while, I need to lay down some ground rules. One: Don't talk,"

Wait, was she serious?

"Two: Don't fight-"

Okay, now THAT one sucked!

"Wait, now! Hold on!"

Her eyes narrowed at him. "Can you fight like me? No?"

Naruto shoved his hands into his pockets and kicked the ground. "I considered learning…"

Shikamaru and Hanabi raised an eyebrow at him.

Naruto's face scrunched. "Iruka-sensei said your taijutsu is only special because of your perception." He stuck his tongue out at her. Seriously though, if anything happened to her Byakugan, what the heck was she gonna do? Probably nothing. Pshh. Probably piss her pants, or something.

Hanabi crossed her arms. "Do you understand how special a Hyuuga's perception is?" Her eyes hardened as veins bulged along the frame of her face, and he noticed something new this time, because this was the first time he ever stood so close to her dojutsu: They had pupils after all.

"I can see everything, layer by layer. I can find you through a maze, or a prison, or on the fifteenth floor of a building. I can zoom in on a cellular level, or reduce you to a skeleton…"

Naruto grew rigid as the haunting reality of her veiled threats hammered through him. And it was giving him shivers.

"... My eyes can strip away _everything_ , right down to the most important thing of all."

Naruto's hands flew to cover his groin.

Hanabi blinked several times.

Shikamaru palmed his face, snorting so hard he sounded like a horse sneezing.

Her veins sank beneath the velvet of her pinkening cheeks. "Right. Anyways. The third rule…"

* * *

 

The heavens seemed rather ambitious to wash the mountain away. The typical warning storms of their annual monsoon season.

What a crappy time to arrange an outdoor test.

As the male student skidded cautiously down the muddy slope, he reminded himself that this was necessary practice. In fact, the ground beneath his feet could swallow him up, suffocate him or spit him back out. It could harden around his entire body, keeping him trapped until the kekkei genkai user was satisfied.

This was normal, unpossessed silt and mud. It wasn't out to get him.

But as jagged pebbles slipped inside his sandals, poking at his tender soles, he became startled and stumbled. A rush of water washed over the slope like a thick sheet, and he lost his footing.

He cried, he clawed, he protested as he found himself being dragged down the mountainside.

He drew out a kunai and stabbed the ground, but there was no ground to hold him. He twisted around, glancing the edge along a tree trunk. Opportunity quickly provided him with a century-old stump, and he plunged his kunai into its sturdy side.

He released a deep breath of relief.

Except now he was floating along this shallow yet swift current. The longer he withstood nature's faucet, the more body heat he surrendered to it.

He grew anxious.

He didn't want to let go. But he couldn't keep this up. He needed to make camp. He needed to get warm.

Where had the other three in his cell gone to?

He had been trying to catch up with them, but they never showed.

Didn't they care? Weren't they looking for him? Did they think he was doing just fine?

"Aughh, c'mon!"

Or maybe they already got got. Maybe they'd already been disqualified.

The boy peered up into the dark, crying skies.

Looked like it was only a matter of time for him, too.

* * *

 

The rains stopped halfway through the night. By the time the sun broke over the horizon, it was time to go.

The ground was pulpy. It squelched beneath their sandals, clinging easily.

The air was even fresher than some of the parks back at the village. All the headiness of loam, and yet when you breathe it in deep, you feel light enough to float, you feel cleaner than you've ever had.

But he's not himself right now, and he's got a purpose to fulfill.

So he makes sure he doesn't smile, he doesn't talk, and he doesn't ask questions.

Naruto, in disguise, stays inside the triangular formation of InoShikaCho, and he knows it's twenty-seven hours back to the village gates.

The instructors gave them such a generous deadline. There was still fifty-five hours left overall.

This was going to be easy… right?

* * *

 

It barreled towards them, branches snapping off in its furious wake, and they sprinted with everything they had, screaming their heads off, urging their comrades to move faster! Don't die!

"KEEP RUNNING!"

"IT'S WAY TOO QUICK!"

"WHAT DO WE DO?!"

This bear had to be ten feet tall, weighing over five hundred kilograms. Its face was nasty and heavily scarred. Whoever did that amount of damage, they wondered if they had ever lived to tell the tale.

Oxygen was beginning to feel like it was in short supply. Whatever they could get in, it burned, just like the rest of their muscles.

One boy gripped the red tube Hanabi had provided them with and he looped his forefinger through the bottom ring.

His teammates saw this and their panic compounded.

"DON'T! WE NEED THAT!"

"WE NEED OUR LIVES MORE, STUPID!"

He spun run around, aimed the mouth of the tube towards the bear and tugged the ring down hard.

What flew out looked like a small red sun.

It blinded them, and the unfamiliar whistle of this projectile pierced their skulls.

The meteor flare made its mark.

The bear stopped and scurried backwards. It hopped frantically about, shaking its head and huffing as sparks singed the edges of his dark brown coat.

It turned round and sped away.

Relief dangled within their reach but they were too worked up to latch onto it. If anything, relief felt false.

But as their adrenaline dwindled and their heartbeats calmed, they cautiously released silent sighs.

The girl taking the lead took a step backwards and with the crack of a whip, the world turned upside down and they cried in alarm.

They were hogtied together and suspended five feet off the ground.

"So there's traps now?! What the hell?!"

They grunted as they wrestled against their restraints but it didn't help at all.

"Hey, Yuu. Your hand. Can you feel my weapons pouch at all?"

He wriggled his wrist, and the tips of his fingers brushed against said pouch. "Yeah, but just barely."

"Well, keep trying! We need to get out of here."

"Yeah, yeah." He sighed.

The sound of twigs crackling underfoot caused the team to freeze.

From the distance approached a ninja in full dark blue garb. The old-fashioned kind that covered all but your eyes. Except this man let his white locks drape down to his cheeks. The Konoha insignia gleamed from the metal of his hitai-ate.

"It's Mizuki-sensei." Yuu whispered with dread.

The other three in his cell whined and sobbed.

"Great. How bad you guys think we did, eh?"

"We only made it like, twenty hours into the test."

"Yeah, maybe that means we get a score of 'twenty'."

They whined and sobbed again, hanging their heads.

"I'd say you might get some bonus points for creative thinking," Mizuki pulled down his face mask and craned his head to the side, smirking. "What made you kids decide to team up?"

Their eyes darted about for a bit. "Uhh, better in numbers?"

"Yup. Yup. We're stronger together, that's what Hanabi sai- OW!" The boy who spilled the beans got headbutted by all three in his team.

Mizuki crossed his arms, his smirk unchanging. But the air around him shifted, his eyes seemed less open now, less inviting. "Interesting. That's the Hyuuga girl, am I right?"

They kept their mouths shut this time.

Umino was quite fond of his students. Not a friendly dinner went by that he didn't babble on about them. Hanabi, in particular, gave him as much hope for the future as she did headaches. For all her perfunctory politeness and on-brand coldness, Hyuuga Hanabi had a troubling precociousness about her.

Mizuki wasn't the least surprised. The Hyuuga were a clan who seemed to have forsaken the notion of childhood entirely. Something Shodai had fought for the very preservation of, ironically.

Perhaps accepting their clan had been something like this: 'I don't like what you do, but you have every right to do it.'

Well, Mizuki certainly couldn't judge. They were the last remaining Elite clan in terms of numbers, with the Aburame leading behind in second. Whatever they were doing, whatever they have been doing wasn't broken in the slightest.

Because on Hanabi's first day of school, she had introduced herself and apparently said: 'I only need five palms to kill, but I'll still learn sixty-four anyways.'

Can't argue with that logic.

But what surprised him was this lack of bloodthirst.

A test like this was intended as a three-day long free-for-all. They were supposed to be fighting each other whilst braving the elements. Chunin

like himself were merely actors. The traps merely obstacles.

These kids were still in the game.

They just didn't know it.

And they didn't seem to know how well they were being played by the very person they chose to trust.

Why not divide the competition into accountable little herds?

Distract and Conquer seemed to be the play here.

Well, he could play along too.

Mizuki pulled a kunai from his pouch.

The kids watched him warily.

"By the way," The white-haired teacher drawled. They didn't like the way he was waving that kunai around. "Naruto seems remarkably absent from the testing grounds. Would you happen to know where he is? I just might have to fail him."

They stiffened. Their eyes bugged.

Dammit! Hanabi was relying on that scrawny, little cur! Therefore, they all were!

If Hanabi doesn't get the better of Sasuke, then a fight between them was just a matter of running out the time! They'd never get the scroll out of here let alone themselves!

Did Mizuki-sensei know about their plan?! How?!

Mizuki pointed the kunai at them, then waved it from side to side. "You don't know?"

Their heads began to mimic the motion of the kunai till they were collectively shaking their heads.

"No."

"Nope."

"Dunno where he is."

"Yeah, we don't care."

Mizuki's smirked widened, his eyes crinkling but there was no warmth in his gaze. "Right."

The kids continued to stare at the kunai, this time with longing.

Was he going to cut them down now?

The kunai dropped to the ground, and so did their jaws.

Mizuki pulled up his face mask, pocketing his hands as he abandoned them.

"You're stronger together. Don't forget."

They watched him go. And they all thought the same thing: _Mizuki-sensei's a total jerk!_

* * *

 

The world sure was unpredictable, Mizuki mused.

For the very same monster that the traitor Madara used against Shodai, for it to reappear decades later and take on the likeness of their late Yondaime, was sickening.

Everyone had known of its existence, that it lived among them, but Sandaime had kept it under watch for some time.

The fact that it had escaped at all gave Mizuki great pause.

Had Sandaime intended to keep it caged indefinitely?

What was his reasoning for keeping it alive at all?

Perhaps there was great fear. That these things, these demons, had the power to curse humans and their lands for eons.

No one knew exactly how Yondaime had perished, nor how his wife had seen her end. Only that the monster was to blame.

Speculation had given way to rumors, and rumors to established belief that their newborn hadn't survived either. How could it have?

Mizuki wasn't one to cling to conspiracies. Such things were for your average hypochondriac and doomsayer, or those who sought to validate why they didn't fit due to them being 'free thinkers'.

But he understood where everyone was coming from. They wanted sense. They wanted reason. Even if the explanation was a little out there, it helped them sleep at night. You just can't make up anything crazier than what life drops on your doorstep.

Youkai kitsune are nothing but tricksters, deceivers and thieves, or so the old folktales go. Not only did the demon fox steal over a hundred lives, but one prevalent belief remained: That it may have stolen the fresh corpse of Yondaime's child to use for its own ends.

And the village has been biting its tongue too long. Deep down they cried for vengeance.

He knows Umino cried for it once.

But lately...

The moment Mizuki entered the clearing, Umino jumped down from the forest canopy.

"Well? Have you seen him?!"

Something's changed, and Mizuki didn't know when or why.

Mizuki shook his head. "Not yet. And the group I ran into said they didn't know, either."

"Dammit!" Iruka cradled his temple as he simmered over this and that.

Maybe this had more to do with Umino's integrity as a teacher. But then that would almost certainly mean he was beginning to forget that that _thing_ was no child.

Iruka Umino, who lost both his parents in the same night and purposely made a spectacle of himself during their academy days, was a noble person through and through. Anything he was tasked with, he carried out with the utmost effort.

It was almost as if he were still a boy clamoring for a father's praise.

_Typical, typical Umino. Blindly listening to your Hokage without an ounce of doubt._

The very day it was brought to their attention that the creature would be joining their precious academy, Mizuki had wanted to complain.

_"Your mission and responsibility is to shape that boy's mind, integrate him into society as one of our own. Treat him as if he was your own blood."_ Sandaime had said.

Umino had been the first to bow, gratefully accepting the task. Mizuki and the other teacher had looked on aghast before bowing in turn, uttering the same words, utterly devoid of spirit.

He'd thought Umino was faking it. Thought he was putting on a good face.

Maybe someday this mask will drop when that brat Naruto is finally gone.

Mizuki mustered a sympathetic smile for his friend, even though his stomach curled just to do so. "I can't believe you're so worked up, Umino." _I really, really can't._

Umino's hands ran down his face, dislodging the face mask. Sighing in annoyance, he pulled down the whole thing and turned round, taking respite on a weather-worn stump.

"I just thought… I thought maybe I was finally getting through to him. That he was finally taking all of this seriously," Umino's head hung towards his knees, and Mizuki knew he'd only ever seen Umino this pathetic once. And it was over his parents, when his cheerful mask had exhausted itself for the day. Mizuki's fingers curled into hard fists. He wanted to knock some sense into this idiot. But then the idiot spoke again, head rising up and eyes glimmering with an indiscernible emotion. "He has _so much_ potential, you know?"

Something's changed, and Mizuki didn't know when or why.

Maybe it was when that monster took female form, tricking Umino out of his wallet at the ramen stand.

Maybe it was Umino's need to be recognized in turn.

Whatever's happened, it needed to stop.

Umino deserved so much more than this.

Mizuki pocketed his fists and relaxed his stance, before his friend caught on. "Yeah, I'd say he has an unholy amount of potential."

Umino's jaw hung loose, his kind eyes stared back at him utterly heartbroken. "Mizuki…"

He let out a laugh as he slid into his warm and patient teacher persona. "Umino, I'm kidding! He's a kid. I'm not going to say that to his face."

* * *

 

Naruto craved rest. Mainly because it was tough to keep up this act. Not only was he not allowed to talk while in disguise, (because surprise surprise, Hanabi wasn't much of a talker), he also had to remain inside the triangle formation of InoShikaCho's protection.

There had been this woolly animal he had never seen before, looked like a short horse with a goat's head, but he couldn't point it out.

Then there was that petrified tree with all its bark blown off, a jagged line of charred wood running down the trunk. It was really cool. Also that three-pronged kunai sticking out the side of it? He wanted that for himself. Because why not? It looked even cooler than the tree!

But he was supposed to be Hanabi. And Hanabi is unimpressed by most things.

Kind of like Sasuke.

And she's secretive and selectively trusting.

His eyes narrowed at Shikamaru who took no notice.

No way they both played with horses. There were no stables in Konoha.

Did the Hyuuga have horses? Did Shikamaru get to go over to her house?

This was hurting his brain.

And his body was absolutely thrumming with unspent energy.

Were they there yet?! Could they rest now?! How much longer?! And why was no one attacking them yet?!

He couldn't ask anything! He was pretending to be the girl who knew everything!

_I'm so bored, I'm so bored, I'm so bored, bored, bored. Everything's boring. They're boring. This test is boring. I'll die. I'll just petrify like that tree and die._

They came upon a levelled area with three large boulders of varying sides grouped together.

"Right here's good. Time for break two." said Ino.

Naruto's breath caught as every part of his body rebelled against him.

_Don't smile. Don't go hopping around. Act cool now, act cool._

Naruto approached one of the boulders as the other three took their seats and began to pull out their food and canteens.

Naruto stared at it.

It looked like a good surface to bash his head against.

* * *

 

Hanabi took a seat atop a thick branch, her back pressed against the trunk. She rummaged through her vest pocket for a small burlap bag. Inside was her own personal trail mix, but she was quickly running out of the banana chips she adored.

She let one soften on her tongue as she watched over Ino, Shikamaru and Choji. Her body double kept his distance from them, sitting on a smaller boulder, just staring at the ground.

She sighed, because that's not something she would do. Hyuuga Hanabi does not space out blankly.

But there was no point in correcting this behavior. Anyone else might think 'she' was currently exhausted.

Suddenly her body double got up and approached Ino, cupping her mouth to speak to her.

Ino's face turned red as she withheld a snarl. Then she cupped her temple as she averted her gaze to the ground.

Hanabi activated her Byakugan and zoomed in to read their lips.

" _-you squat. That's how girls do it."_

" _Like I'm takin' a dump?"_

Ino palmed her face with both hands. At this point her body double gave up and departed from the group, then dipped behind a tree.

Hanabi chewed on the rubbery chip, swallowed, and reached for another one.

At least he was trying.

Hanabi activated her Byakugan and performed her ten-minute sweep of their surroundings.

There was a serow descending from the north about thirty kilometers from here. A hawk circled overhead nearby. Squirrels scurried up and town tree trunks, burrowing their stashes in secret holes.

No sign of out-of-place pink nor Sasuke's stupid, grumpy face.

She pointedly ignored her body double in the middle of doing his business behind a tree. She doubted anyone would have the gall to catch her with her pants down.

Hanabi rested her elbow atop her knee and cupped her face, sighing.

And Sasuke said she couldn't handle waiting for the enemy to come to her. Ha.

He probably just couldn't handle seeing anyone be sure of themselves, when he himself struggled to be sure of anything.

The first day he came back to class after that month of bereavement, she had found him sticking to the shadows at all times. If he was watching his classmates, there was a significant disconnect in the way he did so. As if he'd returned to find everyone now spoke a different tongue than him.

She had approached him. She sat down with him.

He was numb to her, but she didn't care. He could be all he wanted, long as it wasn't stupid.

" _So it's true?" She asked._

_He was silent._

_Hanabi resisted picking at the hem of her skirt. "This really scares me, you know." She turned towards him to find his eyes had gone glassy with tears._

_Scars are supposed to be cool. They're like truth marks of one's harrowing experience._

_That well-intentioned escapade with her lout of a cousin had been very informing. And so Hanabi lifted her skirt a ways, having forgone leggings to share the length of jagged, pale engravings along her upper thigh._

_He glanced down, looking confused._

" _My cousin. Getting pinned was my fault, but… I had to pull myself free because he seemed to enjoy seeing me like that, and I got scared," She kept his gaze, quiet wretchedness swirling about in her stare. "Family's not supposed to be like this."_

_Sasuke reverted back to staring out into the far distance, shifting his shoulders like he was squaring off or shrugging his walls back into place. He remained mute._

_Hanabi made herself decent and gaze down at the tops of her sandals. This next part was something really private that she didn't need to tell anyone, but she thought he might need to know that if he had any thoughts like she did, that it was okay._

" _Someday, I'm going to do something about him… What about you?"_

_Sasuke pushed off the grass and stalked off._

_And that bothered her._

And though she loathed to admit it, it still bothered her.

She was tired of being caught off guard, of losing pieces of herself to whoever wished to strong-arm her for them. Least of all, she still offers bits of herself against her better judgment, only to what? Have them walk away and give nothing in return?

Men. Boys. Not all of course, but most. Too many, really.

They want and want and want. And they take and take and take. And they never stop to think. They never stop to come to their senses, to realize 'Oh wow, this must be hard on them, too.'

Hanabi couldn't wait for that boy to show up, because she's been saving all her energy and she was going to whoop him good this time.

Blossom pink entered her range and no head of black was with her.

Haruno Sakura cried out. "Ino!" She stumbled into the clearing in a hurry, face and knees smeared in dried mud.

What was this about?

* * *

 

Ugh, this was weird.

Naruto avoided looking at the stream flowing between his feet.

Didn't girls ever get worried about stepping into their own stuff?

_Oh crap, I forgot to ask Ino what girls do when they're done._

Naruto carefully peered past one shoulder, then the other. He tuned his ears to his surroundings, awaiting any anomalies like snapping twigs, scuffling of leaves.

It was peaceful.

_Still boring._

Well, thankfully there was no one around to see him shake himself clean.

Naruto shrugged on her pants and was heading back to regroup, when he frantic rustling, then a familiar voice strained with emotion.

"Ino!"

Naruto crouched down behind the shelter of trees, the clearing just overhead behind the elevation and the boulders.

_Sakura._

His hands instinctively balled into his fists. Just when he'd been itching for some action all day, now his stomach was flipping more than a fresh caught fish.

"Where's Hanabi?" Sakura asked.

Naruto stiffened. It was only a matter of time, wasn't it? He wasn't ready. He didn't even know what came next, maybe that was the worst part.

"Why?"

"I,I need to get something off of my chest… It's about Sasuke. I can only talk to her about this."

Something small landed atop his head. Naruto swiped it off, and scrutinized it. _Rice puff?_ He craned his head up, and Hanabi was overhead, staring down at him. She pointed towards the clearing, eyes meaningfully darted with the same motion.

_Get. Over. There._

Naruto grimaced at her for a second. Whatever Sakura had to say sounded really serious, and it wasn't meant for his ears.

Hanabi chucked another rice puff at him, pelting him square in the forehead and he relented, getting up to make his heavy-hearted appearance.

He shared a look with everyone, acting like he had no idea what he'd walked into, before settling his gaze on Sakura.

Her palms and left ankle were bandaged, and inside he cringed. The thought that she was ill-equipped to deal with the elements crossed his mind, as did the image of the cowering girl that she used to be. And a small voice told him he made the wrong choice. That he should have been there to back them both up.

He wasn't allowed to talk, so he gestured to his right. Relief washed over Sakura's face as she joined his side, and they began to put some distance between themselves and InoShikaCho.

Naruto kept his hands pocketed, concerned he might reach out to rub her back, because the further they got away, the more she began to shrink into herself.

Some flowers stay in bloom until the day they die, huh? But some flowers retreat, too. What could cause Sakura to retreat all of a sudden?

"... I've decided to face reality. Hanabi, I don't know your true feelings towards him and I'm not asking that you admit anything. I've been trying to so hard to step out of Ino's shadow, but even if I do, there's still yours and it'll swallow me whole."

Naruto's head whipped towards her, and he couldn't keep the crawling confusion beneath the placid mask.

_I know what you mean! I know, I know exactly how you feel!_ His heart cried, but he couldn't do anything about it.

"I'm sorry, this must sound so strange and pathetic."

Naruto shook his head hard, and Sakura released a sorry, little laugh.

"Whoever Sasuke-kun chooses, if it ends up being with you, then I'm fine with it. That's what I've come to accept."

"What?"

Oh.

Crap.

He spoke.


End file.
